You win some you lose some...

Two things happened at work yesterday.  Firstly, I accidentally spilled the beans on the assistant managers retirement party.  But come on!  She had to know we were throwing her one - it shouldn't have been a surprise at all.  That being said I felt like a complete jerk the rest of the day.  But she hugged me after work and usually I only get hugs from the coworkers before I leave for Boston or before one of them leaves for a long trip.  Or for birthday.  So this hug was spontaneous and I think it was meant as a 'it's okay, I won't tell anyone you spilled the beans' and also a 'I know you're applying and applying and things will work out somehow just hang in there.'  Which leads me to the second thing: I checked my voice-mail on the way out of work and the Spokane Valley Library called and informed me that they went with a different applicant.

Honestly, I'm not surprised.  Before I even stepped into that library for the interview I didn't think I would be getting the job.  Something didn't click. It was strange.  I'm not even really that beat up about it - I did sob hysterically last night but not over the library job per se, more over what not getting it means.  I'm in a tough spot now.  I have my second interview with Barnes and Nobles on Monday in the morning and weirdly enough this was the job I wanted from the start.  I have wanted to work at a book store for a very long time and when the assistant manager of B&N sat down with me, we not only clicked, I got really, really excited about how much fun this job could be.  Also there are ways to move up in the company rather quickly and that was excited to hear as well.  In fact, the young woman I interviewed with went from being a part-time seasonal bookseller to assistant manager in well under six years.  

The atmosphere of the book store is kind of magical, too.  And I think that if we boost up Hannah's resume that by the time they hire seasonally again next year she could really have a shot for some part-time work.  I don't know.  I'm frustrated because I don't know what to do.  If I take Third Key then I'll be busier at the bra store... and I don't think I can take the B&N job at that point.  But if I could do both for a while... if I could get my foot in the door in a job in Spokane... and maybe B&N wouldn't become a career or maybe it would but either way it would be a job that at least relates in some way to what I went to school for.  I don't know!  

I spoke with my mom today.  She's right.  First and foremost I need to focus on the MFA.  That will make me feel so much better than anything right now.  So today I'm going to relax (forget about the Library job), clean the house a bit, get my old Vizio ready to ship off, maybe hang out with cousin D for a bit, allow myself only a small fantasy about working for B&N, and then write, write, write.  I'm anxious about a lot of things and have had to use the inhaler more and more this past week.  This manic job hunt has not helped.  In October the Housing Authority of Spokane will open up Voucher applications and if Hannah and I can get one then we can still have a shot at moving out and moving into our beloved Valley 206.  So it's back to just having some faith I guess.