Animal Totem Talk

In recent conversation with a friend, the topic of Animal Totems came up. I was reminded a long time ago of a side conversation with someone in the past when I mentioned that I don't eat Octopuses or Squid anymore because I've recognized them as deities/totems for me. The person was shocked that I wouldn't "eat my totem" and I suppose, given the act of transubstantiation in Catholicism whereby they eat the body and blood of Christ every Sunday, that the eating of a totem might make sense. Well, I don't have to worry about eating any animal totems now since I'm no longer eating meat but I am actually very down with a little transubstantiation of my own. 

I believe in the power of symbolism (more so than the protestants who claim the break and wine to be just symbols). If I wanted to partake of my totems, whatever animals they may be, I would symbolically ingest and, therefore, truly ingest the archetypal essence of the creature into my being. For Hannah, who has a fox totem, we could eat fox shaped cookies or make an alcoholic beverage to honor the Arctic Fox or the Bat-Eared Fox. You get the gist. I don't need to put the actual matter of the totems flesh into my body to incorporate it's nutritional (spiritual) value. 

Moving on. I don't know for sure that the Octopus is my official totem as I am sometimes more in awe of it than I am relating to it on a spiritual and characteristic level (or I could be wrong - who knows!) but I know that in light of the conversation with had with our friend the other day a few fun things have happened reinforcing Hannah's totem and opening me up to, if not a totem, an animal spirit guide who has some valuable lessons to teach me. 

Animal Speak

Here's what happened: Hannah and I were telling Rachel about the Animal Speak book that had been the basis of the initial conversation and the Magical Menagerie deck fell from its shelf to the floor. We all turned to look when it dropped all we could made out was something falling - we didn't know what had caused the plunk. Later that night I discovered that it was the Animal oracle and I went, "Hmmmm," and told Hannah we needed to draw a card that night! Well we completely forgot. We are quit often  enormous dinguses (dingii?). We drew a card each the next night. These puppies had been shuffled too. So shuffled. Hannah had shuffled them the first night when they fell and then I shuffled them again. Well I drew first and got Griffin/Gryphon. Hannah drew second and *boom* she drew fox. We are going to make a small Inari shrine in the house at some point as fox has been a huge animal in Hannah's life (and, through being with Hannah, in my life as well).

So Hannah's draw made ridiculously perfect sense. Mine was a little weirder. I didn't think the Griffin was very fitting. At first. I took an online, for fun, Spirit Animal test and got Eagle. I didn't put much stock in the test, but I kept it in the back of my mind because why not? And then I started to hunker down and really think about what the Griffin meant. I am fond of Griffins and since that day I've been seeing them, or reminders of them, everywhere. In fact, that other day I saw a large pink heraldic griffin splayed across the bottom of an extra large license plate. How random? Or not. I found many pictures of griffins with the heads of Bald Eagles and felt that was a neat tie in to the previous test I'd taken. Also I found numerous sites offering pretty similar information: the Griffin is a cross between the King of Land (lion) and the King of Sky (eagle) and is known to symbolize a spiritual quest. That the Griffin is a guardian and a guide, usually as you journey a new spiritual path, or go through a particularly challenging trial. 

So I've been paying attention. I do feel that I need some guidance right now. There have been a lot of changes in my life, and new challenges. My sibling (whom I've been somewhat estranged with) is sick and dying; I'm less than two months out from getting married; my computer is broken and is going to the manufacturer for repairs; we lost a full time employee at work and are going to lose another on the 28th of this month; the house is in a perpetual state of mess; my car may or may not be road worthy enough to go to Seattle; I don't want to keep living at Valley 206 now that they are becoming a tax credit community and will have A) the authority to get rid of us at any time due to how much money I make and B) full access to my bank account information and C) they will be making us sign a year long lease in the next few months after we've been on month-to-month for almost a full year already. And it's getting darker sooner now. I can already feel my brain and body reacting to the waning summer. I'm bracing for the shit emotional time ahead but it's hard to see how everything is going to turn out at this point. And maybe that's why a Griffin jumped off the shelf for me the other night.

A while back I did a written role-play with a friend wherein our two protagonists, a married gay couple, were dealing with ghost possession as well as ancestral bloodline awakenings. It was pretty cool role-play concept and, who knows, we might revisit in the future. We both want to write novels and short stories and it could be fun to turn some of our RPs into novellas or novels. Anyway, my character in the RP (the one dealing with an awakening of his bloodline) was a Chamrosh (which is essentially what you see in the above pic). A chamrosh is a griffin with a wolf's body instead of a lion's. It is the lesser known Persian winged guardian and I spent a lot of time for that RP delving into what a griffin/chamrosh meant and what function one might serve in a story. So when griffin showed up the other night I felt a fun pang of familiarity.

Speaking of RPs, Hannah and I are finally writing one again. Just for fun and also to whet our writing chops again. I've already shared some of the beginning story that spurred her to say 'hey, let's write this out together!' It's been kind of fun to delve into these characters. Neither of them comes from what I would call a horribly tragic past or abusive situation. Both have had shitty moments as well as comfort. It's been fun throwing challenges their way, but mostly they are just a cutesy-nervous couple full of unnecessary, self-depreciating worries and woes. Kind of like most people.

In other news, I recently discovered Leo Moracchioli on Youtube. I will be purchasing a few of these fantastic covers. So far my favorites are Adele's Hello and Frozen's Let it Go. I leave you with a song for now. This started as such a focused blog post (started it a few days ago) and then more and more and more just kept happening. so here we are. Please enjoy Leo's cover.

General Update - A Weird Tuesday and Other Things

A poem begins as a lump in the throat, a sense of wrong, a homesickness, a lovesickness.
Robert Frost

I hope everyone had a blessed and wonderful Lughnasadh. For me, the Harvest day of August 1 brought some rather interesting things into my life. I was sick in the morning and stayed home to try to sleep off my discomfort. I had wanted to go to work around 1pm so that I didn't have to use a full sick day but I called in a little later and let work know that I couldn't make it in. I now only have two sick days left but we're already in August so I'm not too worried. Also I'm going to be off for most of October so if I can't hack it with two sick days then there's something seriously wrong. 

It turns out that being sick on Tuesday was a necessity because that meant I was home to comfort Hannah upon her return from a very rough doctor's appointment. She really needed me that day and I'm glad I was there for her. She's been dealing with so much, and a lot of it she's trying to tackle by herself with little help from anyone. While that's very admirable she is still healing from surgery and I want her to feel like she can ask me for help. And ask any of our friends. She still has such a hard time doing that though.

The other reason I'm glad I was home on Tuesday was because my mother and father needed to come over and share good news and bad news. The good news was fun but the bad news was pretty dark and life changing. I'm not going to talk about that too much for now. I want to know more about what's going on before I try to come to terms with things. I just know that there will be some very hard times coming and I'm not sure how to feel about it. 

Even the day after this news I was pretty out of it at work. Today I'm doing better. Tonight I'm going to a Stargazing event at the Spokane Valley Library. Should be neat. And on Friday I'm going to ride the Hillyard bus up to meet Hannah at our friend's house for a tea and coffee date. Maybe I'll bring the Nutpods creamer to try. 

On the vegetarian front Hannah and I are doing well however we're getting trapped, or feeling trapped, in what we eat. We need to research more recipes and be more adventurous. I recently saw a cool way to cook eggplant that I want to try (I can't believe I'm eating eggplant and actually enjoying it) and also I want us to invest in more salad toppings like fruit, nuts, and seeds. I'm still eating cheese and I've decided that for now I'm not going to stress about going dairy free until we are past the wedding and the honeymoon. I would like to limit animal products to just about nil but that will take some time and adjusting.

Recently, Hannah and I spent some time with the twins in Moscow. They are going to take care of bachelorette party planning and also they are going to be my smudgers! I'm really excited about this. But thinking about parties and about the wedding makes me realize how much there still needs to be done. I am worried about money (always, always, always... story of my life is a worry over money) but I'm not as worried as I thought I would be. Hopefully that's a good sign. 

Flower Power: A Divine Pair

This past full moon (Wednesday, May, 10th) I led a small ritual with a few friends. We were trying out a new space and just sort of getting a feel for the land spirits as well as trying to tame a bit of the magical chaos we had all been feeling lately. We celebrated the full flower moon with candles, sage, flowers, and a water centered magical activity. I had planned to write out a meditation to lead but as I began writing it felt off somehow. So, instead, I selected a Plant Ally Meditation from Youtube that I believed would encompass what I wanted to achieve with the meditative portion of the celebration. It probably would have. But it was recorded too softly for us to be able to utilize it during the ritual. I was faced with either improvising a meditation or scrapping it. 

Thank the Goddess I chose to wing it. I did a Plant Ally Guided Meditation that took us into a dark and thriving forest to a small plant hidden within a rotting log. We each drew our respective plant-life from the decay and formed a bond with the spirit inhabiting the flower. After the meditation I asked everyone what their flower was and what the spirit looked like. It was really neat to hear everyone's experience. Magically I was able to relax enough, even while speaking, to find my own flower. At first I wasn't sure what it was but it was a red full bloom, thin, tissue-like petals. I realized it was a poppy. This surprised me as my favorite flowers are Bleeding Hearts, Tulips, and Fuchsia. So I tucked this away, planning to look into the symbolism and the 'why' later. Hannah's flower was a blue daisy. Again a bit of a surprise since she's an Orchid and Rose girl all the way. 

Hannah learned later that the Daisy is Freyja's flower. It was sweet, like the goddess was waving to Hannah saying, "I'm still here with you!" 

The fact that flower was blue in Hannah's meditation is also interesting. It's one of the most calming colors in chromotherapy. It is also healing and it is the leading favorite color of the human race. It is above us and below us and universal. When I think Daisy I automatically think white so the blue was very deliberate. To be honest I didn't think blue daisies actually existed outside Hannah's meditation. I was wrong. They are quite real and quite lovely.

Inspired by Hannah's flower Ally and symbolism, I did a little research into the meaning behind the Poppy flower. The Poppy, of course, produces the poppy seed which leads to opium and all sorts of sleep inducing highly addictive substances. But the archetypal correspondence for the flower is actually Morpheus, the Greek god of Dreams. Which is rather appropriate as my last name literally translates into: the dreamer. 

I'm a huge fan of Neil Gaiman's Sandman series and of dream analysis/divination and mythology in general. One of my stories deals with a Baku which is benevolent creature from Japanese folklore that survives by eating dreams, specifically nightmares. 

When I was younger I had vivid reoccurring dreams about an old robed woman who came down every night to make sure my family was asleep and if were caught awake, she would kill us presumably. It was a terrible dream, one which I had every night for months and months. Looking back on it now I wonder if it was my fear of mortality already creeping in at the tender young age of 6. Many of my dreams live on in story form or help me to create characters. So, long story short, the Poppy seems a very apropos Ally. 

Here's where it gets really interesting though:

For about two weeks I've been working as a freelance transcriber through Rev.com. It's not a huge amount of pay but I figure I can bring in an extra $25 or so a week and get a few side bills paid down (or, more than likely, put it all toward wedding expenses). Well, the other night I had a job that gave me some pause. As a transcriber we are supposed to type what we hear and not correct things that are misspoken by the speakers. Well I had a speaker say an author's name but she said it way off. I discovered the correct name and was debating on whether or not to put the correct spelling in or try to phonetically tackle the speakers gross mispronunciation. So I went to the forums on the site to see if anyone else had asked a similar question.

I didn't find my question but I fell down an immediate rabbit hole. There were so many interesting topics and threads. After perusing for a few minutes I stumbled upon a thread of a transcriber asking for help listening to a 3 second sound bit to see if anyone could pick out a certain word. The content dealt the energy and balance and the goddess. So of course I was curious! I clicked on the link to the audio and found that it was actually a video recording. I saw a woman speaking to a camera and thought nothing much of it until I noticed what was behind her: poppies and blue daisies.

Until that moment I would never have thought that red poppies and blue daisies could be a thing. Hell, I didn't even know blue daisies were a thing until researching them after Hannah's meditation. Shocked and inspired by this, I went on a google search to see if I couldn't find a picture of the painting behind the woman (you know, on the off chance that it was a classic or well known painting). I didn't find the painting but what I did find was further evidence of the marriage between red poppies and blue daisies.

Apparently these two flowers pair up nicely on many fabrics and prints. Perhaps a more popular pairing is poppy with cornflower or poppy with white daisy, but there was enough red poppy and blue daisy to convince me that not only is this combination a thing, it must somehow stem from some kind of archetypal knowledge. How random for Hannah to see a blue daisy and how utterly strange for me to pick a poppy. And yet, maybe it wasn't random or strange at all. Maybe it was just what we needed. I'm not entirely certain yet what the synchronicities mean for me or Hannah, but I know there is meaning and I find deep comfort in that.

Pendulum of Self Doubt and Malaise and my OTPs

Fanart of Craig and Tweek from South Park.

I'm very much in rollercoaster mode these last few weeks. While I'm doing better with longer days and more sun, I'm still riding a pendulum that moves from "I can do this, I can accomplish all the things," to "who am I kidding?" at a rate that makes my head spin. Worse is that I think my body is reacting to my mental state in a very real way. For instance, I had huge and glorious plans for Beltane yet I ended up sleeping about 17 hours off and on from the time I got home from work on Sunday until Monday evening. I whimpered and fussed and cried a little. I couldn't keep my eyes open. I had a similar experience last night. 

One and Shell from Blood Bank.

I got home and unveiled all these plans to Hannah--plans to finally make the Bowie room into something useful for guests and for us, plans to get some writing done, plans to wage war with the squirrels in the back yard who have decided to attack my plants this year--and in the end all I could do was weep and whine and curl up in bed. I slept my 8+ hours last night and then crawled out into the living room for two more rounds of sleep. It's late in the afternoon now and I fear if I closed my eyes for even a second I would pass out all over again. I can't seem to wake up. I can't seem to make things happen. I did manage to write a small 5 page scene the other day for a friend. That is the first finished piece of writing I've accomplished since graduating from Solstice. It was a triumph and yet it reminds me of how far I've fallen in this respect. 

Craig and Tweek again.

Full time employment makes it very difficult for me. I know that's just a huge excuse. I know that there are lots of creative people who still make time to hone and perfect their craft while holding down a 9-5. I admire those people and wish I could be one of them but the truth is... there isn't enough of me right now. I give so much at work. I try not to over exert myself, I try not to let out all of my good energy while there, but more often than not that's what I seem to be doing. Leaving only my negative side for home. Leaving only my doubts and darkness. 

One and Shell again.

It doesn't always feel like that but lately I can't seem to shake it. I'm going to try to mess with the Bowie room today. But even just now, while writing this, I closed my eyes and ended up nodding off in a trance and typing a hundred or so w's.  I just want to wake up. Even when I'm at work I fight to keep alert. I think if I could open my eyes I could do amazing things. Why am I so tired? 

One of my absolute favorite fanarts of Craig and Tweek. If you know anything about the show,
you'll notice that they've switched idiosyncrasies in this picture. Love it. 

On a different note, I wanted to share and promote the Blood Bank Webcomic by Silb. It is absolutely amazing and it is a constant source of happy place for me. I don't know when or if a printed edition will be coming out but I'll put aside money and buy the shit out of it. Such a great fresh look at vampires and BDSM. 

Shell and One from Blood Bank. I can't stress enough how excellent the art and writing are.

The other source of silly happiness for me has, of course, been Craig and Tweek from South Park. I've recently binged on more South Park than you can shake a stick at (even a large stick!) and I am rather in love with Creek (the fandom name for shipping Craig and Tweek.) It's silly. But I don't care. It makes me happy. Also as fill this blog with pics of my two OTP couples, I notice that I do sort of favor the black-haired-blue-eyed seme with the blond-haired-green-eyed uke. Interesting.

 

Another great fanart of Tweek and Craig.

Coughing for Christmas

This Tuesday will mark two full weeks of upper respiratory infection. It feels like it's been months. The worst of it is over. I no longer have the fevers, the shakes, the horrible congestion that makes me throw up and piss myself. I feel, for the most part, like a regular human, except that now I am a coughing machine. I suspect it's the damage I've done to my throat and airways over the past two weeks that are keeping the cough well and alive. Which means I'm right back to dealing with piddling here and there because I can only take so much coughing before my eyes water, my nose runs, and my bladder leaks. Today I couldn't get much out without being winded by cough. At work I sounded horrible and after work, at my mom and dad's house, I sounded even worse. 

We went to see my mom tonight and do a little Christmas shopping. (The roads were fun in the "wow, maybe this was a horrible idea, we might die!" kind of way). We don't have much money and many of our friends are just getting the flat Hannah and Amanda versions of ourselves that we are working on. But even in tight times I still like to treat my Hannah and my parents to a stocking full of goodies come Christmas morning. For Hannah and I we open gifts in honor of Yuletide, but with the folks we will always do a Christmas thing. There is something very magical and mysterious in the quietude of Christmas morning when the whole world (or at least a generous portion) takes a break and just watches a loved one open a gift. Doesn't matter what the gift is... somewhere in the world little hands are tearing at tissue paper, a teenager is breaking in a brand new karaoke machine, a husband is ignoring the instructions as he puts together a bike, a dog is gnawing a new bone, and a cat is playing with a wrapper. That's what Christmas is to me - a time of year when secular, Christian, and Pagan traditions all come together to invite fellowship. No matter what entity or vision of Santa Claus a person celebrates, they are still celebrating. Even the bah-humbug, Grinch-wannabes are participating in the energy. Whether they want to or not. The harder you look away, the more energy you are sending out. 

And I'll be spending most of this magical morning with my Dispatch rep at work. There will be no customer calls that day. I'll mainly be providing carrier line back up and checking emails. I plan on bringing in something yummy for her and I to munch on as well as bringing in Dutch Bro's coffee for us. I am Starbuck's girl through and through, but my Dispatch Peep is all about the DB. One thing I've learned being a lead in newspaper circulation: keep your Dispatch happy. So I swing the way of the Dutch Bro's when I'm there with Dispatch. It's a small sacrifice to make to keep the world turning. 

Speaking of circulation and all that jazz, today was made of suck. It was so stressful and so busy and I had to wrangle so many attitudes. And all this while coughing out a series of distressed foghorn signals and trying not to fill the cushion of computer chair with Prednisone scented piss. I have one day left. Tomorrow I work from 7:30 until 4:30pm. After that I'm free for over a week! With Hannah applying for disability much of that free time is going to go toward doctor's appointments but still, that's a much different level of stress than going in to work to listen to the pre-Holiday rage that always seems to happen to the customer class right before we get the magical Christmas morning scene. This month has turned out much busier than I had wanted it to and I'm a little worried that any time off I have is going to fly by so fast it'll leave my head spinning.Still I'm going to make the most of my time away from work. I'm going to recharge and get ready for the new year and hope that at the very least 2017 will see me free from persistent coughing. 

Hashiburi desu ne?

Which means 'it's been a while, yeah?' And it has been a while since I've posted. The only reason I'm settling down enough to post a blog at the moment is because my head is about to explode if I don't stop moving so here I am. Things have been busy. With it so very close to Christmas and Yule I'm really feeling the brunt of not having much money. People are going to be getting home made gifts this year (not that home made is anything to sneer at) but typically I like being able to spoil friends when I can. However, the gifts Hannah is making are truly wonderful and will spoil our friends nicely I think. Also this year I've decided for my friends who live far away (beyond a few hours drive to reach) that I'm going to do a fun and interactive Christmas/Yule gift this year. And I have a weekend off coming up during which I hope to get most of this done and then as soon as I'm paid again, get it all mailed out. 

At the moment I'm 'resting.' On Tuesday, whatever it is that Hannah's got (presumably the seasonal bronchitis that seems to be ringing in many peoples' December) hit me like a ton of bricks! I felt perfectly fine all day and then suddenly it just attacked me. I ended staying home from work for a while the next day but had to go in as most of our staff also is sick. Today I stayed home again and I'm really pissed about it. I wanted to be there to help and I know they really needed the assistance what with being so short staffed, but today I fell victim to laryngitis the likes of which I have never known. If I were being pursued by a murderer right now, I wouldn't even be able to call for help. Even during my worst vocal node episodes in the past, I've never felt quite this without voice. It's infuriating and a little scary. I've been sucking down warm beverages and soft foods today and come hell or high water I'm going in to work tomorrow. I may only be able to do non verbal work which sucks for my compatriots on the phones but at the same time it would free them up from having to worry about emails and other such business. I hope I have at least a little voice though. 

Aside from all of that, I've been trying to rest my body, voice, and chest... but am a restless creature when I'm laid down. So I've been cleaning a little. I cleaned the bathroom and the hallway and mopped both. I've been doing laundry too. These things have happened in quick bouts of energy that later result in pathetic, voiceless whimpering curled up on the couch. We've been watching old movies like "An Affair to Remember," and "How to Catch a Thief." We started "Sunset Boulevard" this morning and had to keep going back as we would either fall asleep or had other things going on. Somehow I managed to whine enough (via Hannah who acted as my voice) to my parents that they actually came over for a little bit to tend their sick daughters. They brought the makings for hot toddies and some soups. In exchange for that I made them pancakes with blueberries and coffee. And every time I opened my mouth to try a hoarse whisper of conversation they shut that shit right down. It was frustrating. But at the same time I was really missing the 'mom' and 'dad' voice. 

In other news, Christmas/Yule is on its way! We've been decorating the house and apart from the fact that it looks disheveled as hell in the aftermath of our sickness, the winter theme is coming through quite nicely. Which brings me full circle. Christmas and Yule this year... I am very sad at my lack of finances. Next year may be even worse but for now I'm going to do my best to try and embrace the 'thought' and 'intentions' that make gift giving more important than any gift. 

Recently watched the full series of Death Parade and really enjoyed it.

I wanted to share the ending theme for those who might be interested. 

Such a sad and psychological anime. I loved every minute of it!

Spooky Office and Seeing Red

The last two days of work have been really neat and really different. I've been able to spend a lot of time off the phones (a special treat to be sure) decorating the customer service quarter for Halloween. it makes me so happy to see all the spiderwebs and ghosts and bats. And a coworker has set up a witch's altar right in the entryway. Yeah, I'm pretty fucking stoked. When not decorating I've been working with my bosses to figure out my new schedule as well as helping with an outreach project that combined my bubbly phone skills and my writing skills. I got to speak to notable members of the community to ask them for quotable opinions about the paper. It was kind of nerve-wracking and kind of a blast.

Also a gentleman from Seattle sent some copies of a paper from 1889! They were from way back before the Spokesman-Review was actually the Spokesman-Review. Before it was the Spokesman and the Chronicle. This paper was titled Spokane Falls Review and even though we are pretty sure these are special reprints (still really cool even if they are) there is some debate as to whether or not they could possibly be originals! 

On my way home from work today... well let me start with the fact that due to construction my bus stop is two blocks down from where it normally is so I was already thrown a bit off as I made my way. I missed the bus. Saw it drive off while I was too many steps away to try and stop it. No worries though because there was another coming shortly. While I waited I called Hannah and before it was due, there came the bus, but I was seated in front of the financial building and too far away to hail it.

As I walked dumbfounded toward the now departing bus, I missed a step off the terrace and did the thing that no fat girl ever wants to do in public ever. I fell flat on my face. Scraped up my left knee (which was already injured by way of a strained IT-band) and twisted my right leg a little. Mostly though it was my pride that hurt. Did I mention I was wearing a skirt? I also had on red underwear. But I hardly need to tell you that since my skirt flopped up and onto my back and gave the entire world a lovely view of my panties. I'm on my period too. Thank the gods I was wearing red panties. 

Anyway, no sooner had I stood back up, lying in my assurances to passersby that I was "fine, fine, I'm really fine," did the tears start pouring. I was still on the phone with Hannah. Through all of it I had managed to hold onto my phone and keep the call. So I whimpered to her, "I just fell. Hard. And I'm really not okay." All of this was said through tiny hiccups and sniffles and sobs. Hannah said she'd come get me. I'm really thankful she offered. The last thing I wanted in that moment was to wait for the next bus to drive off without me.

I told her I didn't want her to hit the construction so I started down Sprague. I was so angry/embarrassed that I walked all the way to the Starbucks at the corner of Division and Second. It was over a mile which (for a fat girl who just skinned her knee and executed her pride) was a decent jaunt. I walk to the bus stop in the mornings most days but even that is only three quarters of a mile. So I was proud despite my resonating utter horror. Red panties. Just... red panties. Shocking that I'm so upset really considering what an exhibitionist I am. 

On the way to the meeting place I did find some solace in our city's art. I've seen these things hundreds of times but today I felt the need to document them. Both of them are on Sprague as you go east toward Division. Giant marmot and River Park Square Michelangelo (as I have dubbed them.)

Weekend To-Do, Sick, Preparing for Halloween

August was so incredibly busy. The second September began I tried to apply the breaks but things just seemed to speed up even more. I put together a party for Hannah's graduation and it was a screaming success. Damn I am a such a stress case though. I was on the verge of panic for the first two hours or so of prep and getting the party started. Thank you to my humans who helped so that I could relax a little. Overall it was so nice though. A nice start to the mass of parties we are going to be having as we slip into a Autumn full of celebration. We'll be attending as well as throwing Halloween parties, pulling together for full and new moons, and even tossing in a few birthdays.

First thing's first though: I need to get some things in order. For this weekend I have a very small but very 'must do' list. This has become slightly more complicated however since I'm also sick. I didn't go to work today or yesterday. I was so out of it this morning I couldn't even call work to let them know. My supervisor called me. I will have to apologize extensively on Sunday but this year has been horrible for my immune system. I thought I would be doing better since being exposed to new germs via bus riding but that doesn't seem to be the case. Seasonal changes have always been hard for me, but my lungs and sinuses aren't even following the seasonal schedule lately. They just sort of say 'fuck it' whenever they please and suddenly I'm wiped out.

So, that being said. I'm going to try and accomplish a few things amidst getting lots of rest and drinking lots of fluids. Firstly, I want to make a few smudge sticks for Halloween. That should be fun and totally easy since I can do it sitting at the kitchen table. Secondly, I need to read over, edit, solidify and resend out my short story to various places. Thirdly, I need to decide exactly what I'm going to submit for the Inkshares contest and make a plan to have that done and submitted by next weekend. Fourthly, I need to get the laundry under control. (The last one would be easier if my lungs weren't burning but we can't always have it the way we want it, can we?)

As we move into fall and Witch's New Years, Hannah and I look forward to hosting a Halloween party. We're working on the theme today. We are so geared up and ready for Halloween - our house is already decked out with spooky wall decor and cute/creepy figures on the mantel. I've got four pumpkins growing. Two will be for cooking and the other two will be mainly for show. I had hoped to have more but I'm happy that I seem to be growing anything. It's my first time doing any serious gardening and I've been quite happy with my yield. Even if it's meager.

Last Three Days and the End of August Break

DAY 29

Favorite Mug - I have lots of favorites actually, but nothing really beats this bad-ass unicorn.

Fiona did my drawing again this time using the Bohemian Animal Tarot. She drew The Suspended Man/The Hanged Man. This card is all about different perspective and sacrifice. For me it made a great deal of sense, since that day Hannah and I began dealing out the Halloween decorations around the house and bringing a different perspective into our home.

DAY 30

Evening Light: Yesterday Hannah and I sat and snuggled by the purple lights of this little tree. I didn't get a shot of it all lit up, but this is how I spend my time of 'evening lights' yesterday.

Fiona drew for me again and used and Cosmo (the giant kitty) helped. My card was the Six of Swords from the Tarot of a Moon Garden. It means: "A trip or journey. Headstrong attmepts to overcome difficulties. Expedient manner. Success after anxiety." I could surely have used some success after anxiety yesterday and even into today. I think for this card it speaks of my frustrations with my current career path and how I want things to happen now, now, now! I'm stuck in anxiety about a lot of things lately and perhaps I'm stuck there because I'm being headstrong and resistant to the answers (perhaps because the answers aren't the ones I wanted to hear.) 

DAY 31

I went for a walk during lunch today. I visited the Looff Carousel at Riverfront Park. And that's where I took my final shots of August Break. August was..... a carousel.

Going up and down, with intense highs and lows.

Strangely mesmerizing music, the kind you can ignore during the day but you'll hear in your heard all night long.

August was a tiger that kicked my ass.

August was a blur!

August was a time for divination.

August was fortune friendly and full of mystery.

I walked by this opened door on Riverside today. I've never seen this door open before... it smelled like my Grandmother's basement.

But most of all: August was construction... on myself spiritually... on my work... on friendships... on goals... on everything.

Today's final Tarot of the Day draw. (That sounds so creepy - I'll probably still do Tarot posts, but I was thinking of doing weekly readings instead of daily draws, at least for the blog anyway.) I used the Halloween Oracle since it seemed to fit the theme of endings and beginnings. I drew the Skull of Flowers which talks of flourishing in times of adversity. This is perfect. It is the quintessial card for my life right now. I just spent a lovely day at work feeling confident and content and half-way figuring that things were on the right track for me, and then at the end of the day I got a horrid call from a man who pushed me to my limits. I didn't handle the call as professionally as I should have and I'm embarrassed about it. The embarrassment opened up the door to all of my insecurities lately and my frustrations and I understand now that I'm about to burn up and that's okay because we rise stronger from the ashes. There are trees that only produce seeds when they've been in a forest fire. How's that for the necessity of destruction. I might just need to submit to the fire for a while and hold onto the truth that I'll flourish greater from adversity than from contentment. And with that, I say good bye to August Break and Daily Tarot. Tomorrow is September 1st. Now is the time for new plans. The second Harvest is right around the corner and I want to be ready for it. 

Peaceful Empress and Tending both Mothers

August Break's prompt was peaceful. I wanted to take a picture of myself meditating but my arms aren't long enough to zen out and take a selfie at the same time. So instead I snapped some shots of things around me that made me feel peaceful. 

A peaceful bowl of chicken and dumpling soup at Next Door Espresso for lunch.

A peaceful moment with today's tarot deck.

A peaceful walk back to my work after my peaceful lunch. I love the curve of the building, makes this shot look much more intense than it really is.

Rarity's cutie mark, a pleasant and peaceful reminder of generosity. It was made by a local vendor called Skullflake Studios.

And a couple of peaceful microcosms in my boss's office.

My tarot deck today was the Witches Tarot by Ellen Dugan.  I drew from the Major Arcana today! It was the Empress. This card traditionally means being motherly affection, generosity, and fertility (physically, sexually, creatively). I was curious about what this card meant for me today. I thought, well, sure I need to 'birth' my creative ideas into words and novels, but the image of the mother was very striking and spoke to me above the creative fertility. 

I understand it now: on my way home from work I called my mother and asked if Hannah and I could come over tonight so that she and I could make a cake together tomorrow and so that Dad and I could watch a movie together. I called her and I understood right away that it was my turn to be generous and motherly. She confessed how hard up they are right now and how they had to go to the food bank the other day. Mother told me that she cried after going. All she wanted, she told me, was something fresh. And they don't get their money until much, much later. 

Tonight I'm bringing my Mommy and Daddy fresh cherry tomatoes from my garden, as well as my large lemon boy tomato. I'm also bringing them some kiwi, bananas, a few oranges, and bagels. Also, because she asked so cutely if I had any ice cream, I am bringing the left over vanilla from the soda floats that I made on for the Sturgeon Moon Esbat. We'll doctor up the ice cream with some frozen fruit and chocolate syrup. It won't feel as much like a food bank week if we eat a banana split or two I surmise. It feel good to tend to mom and to help her out a bit. 

My parents are amazing people and do their best to help me out whenever I need a little money or food or company and I'm happy to return the favor. And there's something especially nice about bringing them food from my garden, from Mother Earth. The first thing I did when I got home today was go out and chop away the dying vines off the pumpkin. I trimmed down the bachelor buttons and the forget-me-nots (both are all done with their blooming at this point) and watered all the green babies. Today I am the Empress. I'm a generous motherly woman tending to both my mothers.