When I was in fifth grade I got a 'B' on an assignment. The assignment was to draw and color a map. We were supposed to color the water blue and the land mass brown. Or green. I can't really remember. Because instead of coloring it blue or green I colored each little section of the land masses using purples, pinks, greens, yellows, and whatever other colors I could come up with to make it pretty and vibrant. Despite the colorful appeal of my map, I hadn't followed directions, ergo I received a 'B.' I still have trouble restraining myself from going a bit overboard on certain things and I like to change things around at work and put certain colors together and rearrange to make things 'prettier.' I don't know if it's the Virgo in me or what but I'm constantly looking for things to organize.
Today I turned in an application for receptionist at Buck Knives in Post Falls. I got dressed up - even did my makeup - and turned it in in person. The job posting asked for 'application' and an attached 'resume.' That was all they wanted. But I gave them a cover letter, resume, and reference page, in addition to the application and normally I would think that an employer would see that as going above and beyond and look kindly upon this. But thinking back to fifth grade I feel like I'm screwed. I'm fat. I have a fucked up last name that I adore but 99% of the world thinks is fake. My work experience can be summed up as data entry, phones, retail, tutoring, and home health care. Not management. Not library, not administrative, and not receptionist. And yet again I didn't 'follow directions.'
I'm getting a little discouraged. I turned in about ten applications this past week and I know that it takes time and I know that I just have to 'keep trying,' but sometimes all I can do is whine. I like my job. I might even go so far as to say I love my job. But I can't live on 15-22 hours a week at less than nine dollars an hour. That is literally just enough to keep Hannah and I going in a rent free situation. If we had to pay rent... we'd be homeless. And that fact keeps us humble but also makes us desperate and scared. We want (we need) a place of our own but job stuff has just got me so down. I've had so many close calls - the interview with TSA, the interview with the Library, and even fucking Barnes and Nobles. And nothing. I don't want another interview. I just want someone to say 'Oh! You're the candidate we've been looking for. Welcome aboard and please enjoy your full time benefits including discounts on shit you need!' Yeah. That would be like winning the lottery. Which means it isn't going to happen.
It will happen. We just have to keep trying.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry Amanda. :( It took Kristopher five months to land the job he has and I think most of it was a shot in the dark and pure luck. He went in person to turn in lots of apps, did a few online like Best Buy Geek Squad. He just happened to hear about Quest Diagnostics, shrugged and said why not? and applied. Then forgot about it. He wasn't even expecting anything to come of it but it was timing. That and he had experience at Wal Mart driving a fork-lift. Now Quest is training him to have a permit to drive one there. Don't know if that means higher wages or not but either way, I think it's that one thing that separated him from all the other qualified applicants.
ReplyDeleteI haven't really held a job down since I gained weight but I know employers are extremely prejudice against heavy people. People try to qualify that with the lame chestnut, "It's a health insurance cost thing." Yeah, right. They think that's supposed to help me feel it's not personal I guess. whatever.
Just keep it up. The laws of probability are on your side. You'll get something eventually. It's inevitable.
Thanks <3 - And I'm going to keep trying. It's just that some days it's very hard to even think about filling out one more application. It all seems like such a waste of time. I need to think positively though. It's just... hard ><
Delete