Extended Semester, Deep Breath, and Job Hunt

Fiend

Around midnight last night I had a panic attack and realized that I am not going to graduate.  A few days before Samhain/Halloween, the director of the program had indicated that I might consider an extended semester and last night I agreed.  There are so many reasons - the number one reason is that I really lost focus this past semester.  Sometimes it felt the world was against me.  Debt swallowed me up, I ran out of medication for a long time and felt some serious effects, I've been fighting for a replacement computer from Vizio for the past three months, and I've also undergone a very intense reinvisioning of my creative thesis.  But the good news is the last part - the novel is actually on track now and I know more about the characters than I ever thought I would.  

So I'm going to graduate in July.  I will take a crap ton of allergy medicine with me so that I can keep my voice long enough to do my reading and my class (summertime in Chestnut Hill is hell on my vocal chords).  And leading up to that time I have a caring and compassionate mentor behind me who believes in my story idea and wants, most of all, to see me succeed.  Instead of being her problem child I want to be a little feather in cap of students she's mentored.  We'll see how much of a feather I turn out to be, but I do believe this was the right decision for me at this time.  I've already cancelled the plane tickets and the hotels.  I'm sad enough to bawl at the thought of not getting to see my Solstice family but as one of my darling Solstice Sisters reminded me earlier, we're family and distance and time will not change that.

Sorrow for a God's End

Moving onward and upward, I'm going to make a schedule for writing, work, and exercise and do everything in my power to keep it.  What I would like to have happen is to wake up earlier and try to get more done in a day.  It's so hard though!  When I finally get my computer back I'm going to get settled into it and take it with me everywhere so I can write at any time.  Through all of this I also need to keep looking for a new job.  On my to-do list for tomorrow and Wednesday is to call Barnes and Nobles and let them know I'm more available now and see if they are still interested in further interviews with me (they said they would contact me in November).  In the mean time I'm going to have a serious talk with my boss about the third key position and ask her if she is considering me and what kind of pay and hours I could expect.  The thing is - I still need writing time, but I also know that if I had my own place that I would get a lot more done writing wise.  Damn these double-edged swords.  

Since I'm going to keep on working on my novel for now, I've decided to participate in National Novel Writer's Month.  I'll do some updates as November trucks along but I'm hoping for at least 25,000 words that I can polish up and put into the manuscript.  This novel is going to be one long mother fucker and keeping all my facts and scenes straight is another reason it's been hard to pump it out.  I have a better system now and if I work calmly and steadily (my mentor's words) then I think I will graduate in July with an amazing novel all ready to go!