Fuck me Gently with a Chainsaw and How to tell if an Engineer is an Extrovert

Dear Diary, my teenage angst bullshit has a body count. Or something like that. It has been a very long time since I've updated this blog. In a few words: things have been busy. But it's when things are busiest that we must remind ourselves to slow down and smell the roses. Or the Cupcake Petunia's at Walmart. I smelled those today and wanted to roll around naked in their petals they smelled so damn good. So here I am, taking a moment to breathe and center myself. 

There have been some very large changes in my life. Hannah and I have an apartment. We have a date for the wedding! (Friday the 13th in October 2017, if you must know.) I got a promotion at work. I'm a Lead now and I like it. And I loathe it. Pretty normal for being a Lead I suppose. I've joined in several D&D campaigns. In January I led the Wolf Moon Esbat Ritual and it was one of the most magickal Moons I've ever had. Such energy, such howling! I'm starting to practice Tai Chi and I have a Yoga DVD that helps women with menstrual pain.

David Bowie died. 

This spring Hannah and I planted several pots of flowers and created an herb wall on the back patio. I'm very impatient. Waiting for green is making me crazy.

As for writing, I'm lagging off in a bad way. Matthias is never far from my thoughts. Neither is Brom, the artist, who, as of late, has been my constant inspiration. Beltane happened recently. I celebrated with so many lovely people. There was a Wedding too. And I danced and sweated and drank and ate pizza and cinnamon rolls and honored the gods and gave myself over to the spirit of the season. As a result I'm ready to get. shit. done.

Also I'll be stepping off the Pagan Ministry Council next week. I want to do it in person. Hannah already resigned a few days ago. It was a rather large decision for her and there was some fall out that we had to deal with last night that made for a rough time. At this point in our lives though, the energy we're putting into the logistical side of the IEPG is just too damn much. We need to be working on school, work, writing, keeping our home and hearth happy and welcoming. We need to actually spend time together every once in a while. 

And something really cool happened a few moment ago out back. I went outside to water the herbs and flowers and I found half of a Robin's eggshell nestled under the Cosmos flowers. My Cosmos flowers that I planted on Ostara. It probably ended up there during the random and gorgeous thunderstorm we had last night. The little shell, so fragile, so blue, just sitting there as if to say that fragility is an illusion. Reminding me of new life. Of leaving old shells behind. I took the little shell inside and put it on the altar next to Freyja. But the eggshell wasn't my only gift from the goddess: some of the herbs that I'd figured weren't going to grow at all, have actually sprouted. I'm not sure what is what but I know that about five pouches from the herb wall are actually going to grow to fruition. I'm not holding out much hope for the Lavender but the fact that anything is growing makes me smile. 

At work I talk to some really awful, bitter beasts. But I also talk to sweet and wonderful people. One of these sweethearts called up for a vacation stop and while I was entering the information, he shared a few jokes with me. In turn I shared a few with him. The first one he told though, is my favorite: "How can you tell if an Engineer is extroverted? When you're talking with him, he stares at your shoes instead of his own." Some of you will giggle and some of you will frown and say, 'I don't really get it.' And that is why this joke is my favorite. 

A Review of Creative October and Three More Projects

A better picture of the cute Monster High nails I did earlier this month.

So, I'm confident I can succeed in Creative October. I have been doing projects (I haven't been able to post them immediately but I've still been doing them) pretty regularly and so I still right on schedule. I have a poem I've been working on for a few days and I will be posting that later today for Project #25. In the mean time, however, I wanted to share a few pictures and do a small review of my experience so far with Creative October. 

This is a piece of jewelry from another project I did earlier this month.
I coated the backs of several bracelets, pendants, and rings with clear
nail polish to make them wearable for me.

I, like Dani, really enjoy projects that span a certain amount of time and test one's will power. I tried a 'write every day' thing many years ago and made it into late March before I petered out. I think that for an 'every day' project to work, it's good to start out small. Make a goal of doing something every day for a week, then a month, then for a season, etc. I've very much enjoyed working on and finding my creative every day this month. Yes, there were a few days that I accomplished nothing but for the most part I've learned that sometimes less is more and that we can find creativity in the oddest of places. Also, like Dani, I've rediscovered some of the things that I loved doing in my childhood. Just simply sitting and coloring, or doodling with pencil, or painting... these things are so much fun and easy to do. They are stress relievers with the added benefit of leaving you with something tangible afterwards. 

Pony magnets at work!

But tangibility isn't the most important thing. It's the knowledge that you stepped outside of a normal day's routine and tapped into the beautiful universality of creativity. That might sound a bit extreme but that's what this month has meant to me. It's also been a blessed distraction from not only the stress of leaving one job and beginning another, it has also kept me sane while my poor Hannah has suffered some incredible blows concerning her parents' health. So I'm thankful that, even though Creative October filled my plate to overflowing, that I did decide to do it. And, gods willing, I'll see it through to the end!

A view of my desk at work. You might notice the
Sharka page posted proudly on my cubicle wall.

Project 22: I did a sketch of my character from Dungeons and Dragons. His name is Belafax Malfeiri and he's the crown prince of North Fendar. What I learned while doing this project is that I'm very out of practice with drawing, Also I learned that even though I know Belafax is a fairly attractive half-elf with barbaric tendencies, I always tend to picture him as more of an orc! Even in this picture I feel like he's rather orcish, haha. And I learned too that when it comes to drawing I always cop out and go for the profile shot because for some reason I think they are easier. But in reality they aren't. I need to take some more drawing classes and become more adept of relaying the human shape. All that aside, however, it was fun to draw again. 

Project 23: Yesterday at the IEPG Samhain celebration I portrayed Ereshkigal in our ritual reenactment of the descent of Inanna. So to get more into character, I drew the eye of death on my palm. Then, when it came time for me to kill my younger sister, Innana Goddess of Heaven and Earth, I showed her my hand and spoke the words of death. It was all very theatrical and fun. What I learned in this project is that I really love Sumerian mythology and I want to do further study into the archetypal journey of Inanna's descent. Also I learned that sharpies are the best for making death eyes. Also I learned that I really love the crap out of my Pagan family. They were all so supportive and sweet. Sometimes I get very nervous about performing in front of anyone and even though I felt a bit anxious, I knew that no one would care if I messed up, that they would take it in stride. It was a nice experience over all. And I definitely want to do a ritual in honor of Ereshkigal sometime. She's the Goddess of the Underworld and traditional worship of her usually includes some form of BDSM. So, of course, I'm a total fan. 

Project 24: I sanded and painted a table. Our lovely neighbors gave us their octagonal table earlier this year and since Hannah and I will soon be moving into a place of our own, we decided to spiffy up the table and make it a little more ours. With my mom's guidance, I sanded the crap out of the wood and metal parts then painted over it with flat black rustoleum spray paint. I learned that I apparently suck at spray painting (too many pools of thick paint) but I also recalled a fondness for the smell of aerosol paint. I also like the smell of gas too. I do not, and have never, huffed. But man I sure don't mind a good sniff while I'm gassing up or painting a table! It was brass and brown before. It will all be black as soon as I apply the last coat tonight. Unfortunately I won't have a final, finished shot of it until later because it will be too dark for my pathetic phone to handle another picture after the last coat.

Projects 19, 20, and 21: Silly stuff for work and fun stuff for Samhain!

Project 19: I made my work desk pretty with magnets. A while back a friend of mine sent me this awesome magnetized pony scene book with magnet ponies in it. I took the book to work intending to open it up and leave it on my desk with the ponies going about their business, but then I realized that I could have the magnets out all the time if I just stuck them on my desk. See now I can make scenes come to life on my drawers or on the other metal part of my desk near the monitor. 

What did I learn during this project? I learned that this generation of ponies is pretty darn cute even if it's not as cute as the original generation and the most recent generation. Also I learned that I'm in my own little corner of the office and no one sees anything I do and so if I'm going to decorate it will truly be for my eyes only so I might as well do something I like! And did I complete it? Yes - though I would venture to say it's a work in progress since right now all the ponies are waiting to be played with on the faces of my desk drawers.

Project 20: I wrote out Lewis Carroll's Jabberwocky poem on my break schedule. I felt that the paper was way too plain to go up on my cubicle wall without some color on it and by color I mean a spiraling pink, purple, and blue handwritten poem. So I chose Jabberwocky. What did I learn? I learned that I had forgotten a few words of the poem. I memorized it back in high school when I was on the Speech and Debate team and did poetic interpretation. I used to do this poem and the Yarn of the Nancy Bell. I think there was more one in there, maybe The Raven by Poe. But yeah I liked macabre and nonsensical poems. Still do! And did I finish this project? You betcha!

Project 21: With mom and Hannah's help, I gathered up all the items to be included in the Elements Basket for the Samhain raffle table. The basket included: pillar candles, mirror candle stands, a set of candle holders, an earth candle, ocean potpourri, a small bottle of Shinto Shrine water, three packs of incense, a barbecue lighter, shell shaped bathtub fizzers, a bottle of sparkling water for drinking, and a wind-chime made of polished stones. 

This is a picture taken by the basket winner. You can see all
of the various pieces of the Elements basket as well as a  few
pieces of the altar kit basket that our High Priestess made.

What I learned is that baskets, while sometimes being stressful to make, are always fun! And I learned that putting that extra effort into something really pays off. All the baskets up for raffle were very beautiful and a lot of people really wanted to win the Elements Basket (mainly because that wind-chime was so stinking neat!) so that encouraged more people to buy tickets. We broke a record yesterday for the IEPG: we made over $100 in a single evening in donations via general donation and raffle ticket purchases. This is amazing. The IEPG doesn't need all that much money to keep running smoothly, but we do need some. The money goes to supplies for the guild as well as paying the rental insurance on our venue we use all year long for Esbats and Sabbats. And we survive on donations from members. Usually we make between $0 and $20 dollars at an event. So this was monumental. Did I complete the project: yes, with help from my mom and my Hannah.

Lots of Things! And a Couple of Projects...

Projects for today include: doctoring up several pieces of jewelry with nail polish to make sure they don't turn my skin green; hanging up some fall decor; gathering up all the pieces of the Elements Basket for Samhain (not that it's completed yet); putting together my outfits to wear for the week; getting a couple of things ready to go out in the mail; and packing my bag for the next couple of days. The first two count for creative October. I have a couple of crappy pictures to give you an idea of what those projects entailed but due to my internet being a complete jackass all day, I cannot get them off my email to show you.

Tomorrow begins my second official week as a customer service specialist in the circulation department for the Spokesman-Review. There are many things I still am unsure of, but for the most part I've got the hang of things. I feel like I'm going to do well at this job, but I predict it will not be one that I will want to do for an insanely long amount of time. My hope is to move up in the company a little bit eventually, or maybe move somewhere else in the building like... yeah... you know... writing. But in the meantime, I'm very happy to have what one would call, a 'real' job. And the people are freaking wonderful. The new job jitters are hardly a tremble now. And I'm finally over my period. Now if I can just kick this sickness, I'll be tip-top for work and play.

My Chakra Shark and Failed Attempts

Follow this link to see the artist's Tumblr.

I've been getting rather frustrated with the creative challenge. Yesterday I played around with newspaper trying to make newspaper flowers, or paper roses. It didn't work very well and I ended up giving the disappointing bud to Naricisa who played with it and lost it somewhere in the dining room. Then earlier tonight, after I finished with Shrinky Dinks, I went to paint some keys with nail polish and ended up hating how they looked. I'm still not sure exactly what kind of mischief I'm going to get into with those keys but they just keep vexing me! Anyway I gave up on that venture as well. So it's not for lack of time or trying that I haven't been keeping up and I guess that's what's super frustrating. If I was just sitting on my ass and watching TV making the conscious choice not to put energy into a project then I could own that. But I am working on these projects and while I know that failure is a better teacher than success it just sort of feels like wasted time. Time I should have spent sleeping, cleaning, doing laundry, resting from my illness, or talking to Hannah or friends. 

So I just have to keep telling myself that I'm not wasting my time, because if I let myself believe that then I'll start to go crazy! Instead, I'm going to keep on pushing through this month. I did manage to finish one more project tonight. I've been wanting to do this for a while. I call it the Sharkra (chakra-shark combo). I got the little stones from our High Priestess (IEPG) and intended to use them for just such a purpose as this. So question time: I made a Sharkra sign to hang up in my cubicle at work. What did learn? I learned that stamps never come out in a straight line for me even when a use a guide paper. I also learned that tacky glue is pretty awesome. And I learned that Sharkras is not already a thing. So there, world, I invented it! It's MINE! Hahahaha! And lastly, did I complete it? Yes. And as soon as the glue dries completely I think it will look pretty neat. And I'm excited to bring it to work as my first piece of myself to go up at my desk. I plan on bringing a ton of pictures of Hannah and the kitty and my friends, but that will have to wait until I have the money to get the all printed out. 

To create the shark, I used this free silhouette template.