October Halloween Oracle Daily Draw

So I haven't updated in a long time. So much has happened this summer: gardening, an anime convention, a visit from a dear friend from back east, the desire to start up Taiko drumming, a call to volunteer for the Kuroneko Cultural Association, Hannah doing assistance work at our friends' bakery, a lovely Rocky Horror Birthday for a friend, and a wonderful birthday/Mabon for me, all sorts of things. I have lots of pictures which I want to photo dump into a post on here. But all that aside, I wanted to talk about October.

This month is so very precious and stressful to me for all the obvious reasons and for some not so obvious ones. In years past this month has been an initiator of change. I started work at the Spokesman-Review on October 9th, 2015. I began moving to Spokane at that time. In 2017 Hannah and I married, forced to re-home, went on a honeymoon, and began the home buying process. This October I want the change to be less physical and more spiritual and mental. So to get that going I'm preparing for NanoWriMo and also doing a daily card draw from the Halloween Oracle Deck. 

~MONDAY the 1st~

Skull of Flowers - phoenix energy and an understanding that sometimes things must burn/fall apart before they can come together better/newer/stronger. I've been feeling Baphomet a lot recently and written upon the deity's arms is the phrase: solve coagula. This means 'to separate' and 'to join together' and stems from the principle of Alchemy that  you cannot build something that is not, without breaking apart something that is.

~TUESDAY the 2nd~

Invisibility - the idea that being unseen can be a good thing when it comes to gathering information or doing an anonymous good deed. Also the acknowledgment that certain creatures/beings practice invisibility as a way of concealing their true selves for protection or to exhibit power or superiority. However when looking at invisibility in ourselves we should examine the intention of our hiding. If we are hiding ourselves due to fear or showing our true selves, or shyness, or unwillingness to share our gifts and talents... then that may be a case of unhealthy invisibility. For me this card means I need to continue pushing myself to explore new things and not be afraid to showcase my abilities and be proud of what I have to offer. 

Animal Totem Talk

In recent conversation with a friend, the topic of Animal Totems came up. I was reminded a long time ago of a side conversation with someone in the past when I mentioned that I don't eat Octopuses or Squid anymore because I've recognized them as deities/totems for me. The person was shocked that I wouldn't "eat my totem" and I suppose, given the act of transubstantiation in Catholicism whereby they eat the body and blood of Christ every Sunday, that the eating of a totem might make sense. Well, I don't have to worry about eating any animal totems now since I'm no longer eating meat but I am actually very down with a little transubstantiation of my own. 

I believe in the power of symbolism (more so than the protestants who claim the break and wine to be just symbols). If I wanted to partake of my totems, whatever animals they may be, I would symbolically ingest and, therefore, truly ingest the archetypal essence of the creature into my being. For Hannah, who has a fox totem, we could eat fox shaped cookies or make an alcoholic beverage to honor the Arctic Fox or the Bat-Eared Fox. You get the gist. I don't need to put the actual matter of the totems flesh into my body to incorporate it's nutritional (spiritual) value. 

Moving on. I don't know for sure that the Octopus is my official totem as I am sometimes more in awe of it than I am relating to it on a spiritual and characteristic level (or I could be wrong - who knows!) but I know that in light of the conversation with had with our friend the other day a few fun things have happened reinforcing Hannah's totem and opening me up to, if not a totem, an animal spirit guide who has some valuable lessons to teach me. 

Animal Speak

Here's what happened: Hannah and I were telling Rachel about the Animal Speak book that had been the basis of the initial conversation and the Magical Menagerie deck fell from its shelf to the floor. We all turned to look when it dropped all we could made out was something falling - we didn't know what had caused the plunk. Later that night I discovered that it was the Animal oracle and I went, "Hmmmm," and told Hannah we needed to draw a card that night! Well we completely forgot. We are quit often  enormous dinguses (dingii?). We drew a card each the next night. These puppies had been shuffled too. So shuffled. Hannah had shuffled them the first night when they fell and then I shuffled them again. Well I drew first and got Griffin/Gryphon. Hannah drew second and *boom* she drew fox. We are going to make a small Inari shrine in the house at some point as fox has been a huge animal in Hannah's life (and, through being with Hannah, in my life as well).

So Hannah's draw made ridiculously perfect sense. Mine was a little weirder. I didn't think the Griffin was very fitting. At first. I took an online, for fun, Spirit Animal test and got Eagle. I didn't put much stock in the test, but I kept it in the back of my mind because why not? And then I started to hunker down and really think about what the Griffin meant. I am fond of Griffins and since that day I've been seeing them, or reminders of them, everywhere. In fact, that other day I saw a large pink heraldic griffin splayed across the bottom of an extra large license plate. How random? Or not. I found many pictures of griffins with the heads of Bald Eagles and felt that was a neat tie in to the previous test I'd taken. Also I found numerous sites offering pretty similar information: the Griffin is a cross between the King of Land (lion) and the King of Sky (eagle) and is known to symbolize a spiritual quest. That the Griffin is a guardian and a guide, usually as you journey a new spiritual path, or go through a particularly challenging trial. 

So I've been paying attention. I do feel that I need some guidance right now. There have been a lot of changes in my life, and new challenges. My sibling (whom I've been somewhat estranged with) is sick and dying; I'm less than two months out from getting married; my computer is broken and is going to the manufacturer for repairs; we lost a full time employee at work and are going to lose another on the 28th of this month; the house is in a perpetual state of mess; my car may or may not be road worthy enough to go to Seattle; I don't want to keep living at Valley 206 now that they are becoming a tax credit community and will have A) the authority to get rid of us at any time due to how much money I make and B) full access to my bank account information and C) they will be making us sign a year long lease in the next few months after we've been on month-to-month for almost a full year already. And it's getting darker sooner now. I can already feel my brain and body reacting to the waning summer. I'm bracing for the shit emotional time ahead but it's hard to see how everything is going to turn out at this point. And maybe that's why a Griffin jumped off the shelf for me the other night.

A while back I did a written role-play with a friend wherein our two protagonists, a married gay couple, were dealing with ghost possession as well as ancestral bloodline awakenings. It was pretty cool role-play concept and, who knows, we might revisit in the future. We both want to write novels and short stories and it could be fun to turn some of our RPs into novellas or novels. Anyway, my character in the RP (the one dealing with an awakening of his bloodline) was a Chamrosh (which is essentially what you see in the above pic). A chamrosh is a griffin with a wolf's body instead of a lion's. It is the lesser known Persian winged guardian and I spent a lot of time for that RP delving into what a griffin/chamrosh meant and what function one might serve in a story. So when griffin showed up the other night I felt a fun pang of familiarity.

Speaking of RPs, Hannah and I are finally writing one again. Just for fun and also to whet our writing chops again. I've already shared some of the beginning story that spurred her to say 'hey, let's write this out together!' It's been kind of fun to delve into these characters. Neither of them comes from what I would call a horribly tragic past or abusive situation. Both have had shitty moments as well as comfort. It's been fun throwing challenges their way, but mostly they are just a cutesy-nervous couple full of unnecessary, self-depreciating worries and woes. Kind of like most people.

In other news, I recently discovered Leo Moracchioli on Youtube. I will be purchasing a few of these fantastic covers. So far my favorites are Adele's Hello and Frozen's Let it Go. I leave you with a song for now. This started as such a focused blog post (started it a few days ago) and then more and more and more just kept happening. so here we are. Please enjoy Leo's cover.

Hashiburi desu ne?

Which means 'it's been a while, yeah?' And it has been a while since I've posted. The only reason I'm settling down enough to post a blog at the moment is because my head is about to explode if I don't stop moving so here I am. Things have been busy. With it so very close to Christmas and Yule I'm really feeling the brunt of not having much money. People are going to be getting home made gifts this year (not that home made is anything to sneer at) but typically I like being able to spoil friends when I can. However, the gifts Hannah is making are truly wonderful and will spoil our friends nicely I think. Also this year I've decided for my friends who live far away (beyond a few hours drive to reach) that I'm going to do a fun and interactive Christmas/Yule gift this year. And I have a weekend off coming up during which I hope to get most of this done and then as soon as I'm paid again, get it all mailed out. 

At the moment I'm 'resting.' On Tuesday, whatever it is that Hannah's got (presumably the seasonal bronchitis that seems to be ringing in many peoples' December) hit me like a ton of bricks! I felt perfectly fine all day and then suddenly it just attacked me. I ended staying home from work for a while the next day but had to go in as most of our staff also is sick. Today I stayed home again and I'm really pissed about it. I wanted to be there to help and I know they really needed the assistance what with being so short staffed, but today I fell victim to laryngitis the likes of which I have never known. If I were being pursued by a murderer right now, I wouldn't even be able to call for help. Even during my worst vocal node episodes in the past, I've never felt quite this without voice. It's infuriating and a little scary. I've been sucking down warm beverages and soft foods today and come hell or high water I'm going in to work tomorrow. I may only be able to do non verbal work which sucks for my compatriots on the phones but at the same time it would free them up from having to worry about emails and other such business. I hope I have at least a little voice though. 

Aside from all of that, I've been trying to rest my body, voice, and chest... but am a restless creature when I'm laid down. So I've been cleaning a little. I cleaned the bathroom and the hallway and mopped both. I've been doing laundry too. These things have happened in quick bouts of energy that later result in pathetic, voiceless whimpering curled up on the couch. We've been watching old movies like "An Affair to Remember," and "How to Catch a Thief." We started "Sunset Boulevard" this morning and had to keep going back as we would either fall asleep or had other things going on. Somehow I managed to whine enough (via Hannah who acted as my voice) to my parents that they actually came over for a little bit to tend their sick daughters. They brought the makings for hot toddies and some soups. In exchange for that I made them pancakes with blueberries and coffee. And every time I opened my mouth to try a hoarse whisper of conversation they shut that shit right down. It was frustrating. But at the same time I was really missing the 'mom' and 'dad' voice. 

In other news, Christmas/Yule is on its way! We've been decorating the house and apart from the fact that it looks disheveled as hell in the aftermath of our sickness, the winter theme is coming through quite nicely. Which brings me full circle. Christmas and Yule this year... I am very sad at my lack of finances. Next year may be even worse but for now I'm going to do my best to try and embrace the 'thought' and 'intentions' that make gift giving more important than any gift. 

Recently watched the full series of Death Parade and really enjoyed it.

I wanted to share the ending theme for those who might be interested. 

Such a sad and psychological anime. I loved every minute of it!

Last Three Days and the End of August Break

DAY 29

Favorite Mug - I have lots of favorites actually, but nothing really beats this bad-ass unicorn.

Fiona did my drawing again this time using the Bohemian Animal Tarot. She drew The Suspended Man/The Hanged Man. This card is all about different perspective and sacrifice. For me it made a great deal of sense, since that day Hannah and I began dealing out the Halloween decorations around the house and bringing a different perspective into our home.

DAY 30

Evening Light: Yesterday Hannah and I sat and snuggled by the purple lights of this little tree. I didn't get a shot of it all lit up, but this is how I spend my time of 'evening lights' yesterday.

Fiona drew for me again and used and Cosmo (the giant kitty) helped. My card was the Six of Swords from the Tarot of a Moon Garden. It means: "A trip or journey. Headstrong attmepts to overcome difficulties. Expedient manner. Success after anxiety." I could surely have used some success after anxiety yesterday and even into today. I think for this card it speaks of my frustrations with my current career path and how I want things to happen now, now, now! I'm stuck in anxiety about a lot of things lately and perhaps I'm stuck there because I'm being headstrong and resistant to the answers (perhaps because the answers aren't the ones I wanted to hear.) 

DAY 31

I went for a walk during lunch today. I visited the Looff Carousel at Riverfront Park. And that's where I took my final shots of August Break. August was..... a carousel.

Going up and down, with intense highs and lows.

Strangely mesmerizing music, the kind you can ignore during the day but you'll hear in your heard all night long.

August was a tiger that kicked my ass.

August was a blur!

August was a time for divination.

August was fortune friendly and full of mystery.

I walked by this opened door on Riverside today. I've never seen this door open before... it smelled like my Grandmother's basement.

But most of all: August was construction... on myself spiritually... on my work... on friendships... on goals... on everything.

Today's final Tarot of the Day draw. (That sounds so creepy - I'll probably still do Tarot posts, but I was thinking of doing weekly readings instead of daily draws, at least for the blog anyway.) I used the Halloween Oracle since it seemed to fit the theme of endings and beginnings. I drew the Skull of Flowers which talks of flourishing in times of adversity. This is perfect. It is the quintessial card for my life right now. I just spent a lovely day at work feeling confident and content and half-way figuring that things were on the right track for me, and then at the end of the day I got a horrid call from a man who pushed me to my limits. I didn't handle the call as professionally as I should have and I'm embarrassed about it. The embarrassment opened up the door to all of my insecurities lately and my frustrations and I understand now that I'm about to burn up and that's okay because we rise stronger from the ashes. There are trees that only produce seeds when they've been in a forest fire. How's that for the necessity of destruction. I might just need to submit to the fire for a while and hold onto the truth that I'll flourish greater from adversity than from contentment. And with that, I say good bye to August Break and Daily Tarot. Tomorrow is September 1st. Now is the time for new plans. The second Harvest is right around the corner and I want to be ready for it. 

Posting for three days of Tarot and August Break

I did actually keep up with the Tarot draws and the August Break during my three day weekend. I just didn't have the time or the energy to post much. So here goes:

Day 26: Oranges (I chose to go the literal route)

I put some oranges outside around my cute baby Blue Spruce. This was while I was at my mother's house making decorations for Hannah's cake. 

Day 26: Queen of Wands

I used the Mini Mucha Tarot Deck that my friend, Twin B, brought up with her for the weekend. This card relates to a fierce relationship with a mature and honest woman. I have many beautiful mature, honest women in my life but I think this day the card may have been reminding me to keep a good relationship with myself. I had a bit of a breakdown earlier that day and felt rather worthless and pathetic. So for the rest of that day I focused on being nicer to myself. 

Day 27: Little (little doodles in my past student planners, little doodles that make Hannah question her decision to marry me)

Day 27: The Hermit

"Ahead of us lies an open stage, a landscape of uncharted territory. This unknown opened land is inhabited by the hermit, who is here to seek enlightenment. It is important for each of us to experience silence and listen to our inner voices. The Phantasmagoric Theatre has closed and we must learn to make use of this valuable time to grow. The hermit transport us to a new landmark, allowing us to look more deeply within ourselves. A time of meditation is upon us. The hermit is a contemplative person.  He travels upon a historical stone and faces the past to better understand the future. The hermit represents a time for self inquiry."

Fiona did this reading for me via the telephone yesterday. She drew the Hermit from the Phantasmagoric Theatre Tarot. A nice change from wands and pentacles. This figure in the Major Arcana relates to us Virgos (hence the Astrological symbol on the Hermit's floating zen mat) and calls us to the alone-ness within. I had had a very hard day the day before and did find it necessary to do some introspection. 

Day 28: I am... (to finish the statement: I am David Bowie. Finally my shrine is complete sans a few quotes and a couple more pictures I'm still planning to add.) P.S. These pics were taken with a friends camera which is why they look somewhat decent and aren't made of suck.

Day 28: Page of Swords

I drew this card from the Cachet Tarot at a friend's apartment today. The Page of Swords represents an invitation to something. He is standing ready to accompany me to clarity and understanding. But this card also means that to gain clarity, I may have to go through a period of trials and tests. So part of this card is deciding how I want it to go down. I'm ready to go on this journey and the open window in the card speaks of opportunity and transparency and honesty, but when it comes down to it, do I really have the courage to use that sword in order to find what I'm looking for? However, I know I won't be alone. I need to trust my friends and family to support me when I make my move.