Wed

This is going to be a quick post and not really do any justice to the event but I felt it was important to at least do a short update.

Wedding happened on Friday the 13th as planned. That was about all that went as planned. And that's okay. Ir rained hardcore all day until it a couple of hours before set up. It was super cold all evening (beautiful and brisk) but super cold. My wedding team were great and got everything put together while I had a slight meltdown. I hadn't done make up or nails and felt a bit like everyone was prettier/more made up than I was and I felt awful about it. I gave up on my antlers and had B wear them. They looked adorable on her though. So I opted for a top hat which was kind of cute because it meant I matched my dad.

There were several technical difficulties, the least of which being a crazy bride hiding in the bathroom trying to get some make up done. It finally took shape though and it was really lovely there in the midst of darkness and wrapped in a loving circle of protection. Hannah and I bawled during vows because... that's what we do. I loved the exchange with the elements. It was a unique wedding. One of a kind. That much I know for certain. And that makes me really happy. The woman who lead the IEPG when it was still going came up to me and asked if I could send her the ceremony. I had said sure at the time but the more I think about it... this ceremony was my gift to Hannah and it was tailored to 'two women' and specifically 'women writers' and so it would not feel very organic being used for anyone else's wedding. I think in the end I will send over a script sans all of my additions. We'll see.

Anyway. The wedding happened and then we ate food. We didn't get to dancing or anything like that but I figure we'll just keep the playlist and use it for mood music during the honeymoon.

Next big adventure is to get ready to buy a house. And a projector. I plan on having lots of parties and lots of movie nights. I can't wait to share my hearth and home with those I love.

All the Pretty Cars are Going to Hell

And the god of transportation did look down upon us and laugh. "Your car troubles," he said with smugness, "shall be a lesson. Heed it well, mortals, lest ye ever take your working vehicle for granted again."

The last 30+ days have been filled with car death. Not even Optimus Prime was free of problems. For Hannah and I: May was bookended with flat tires. The first flat was the day before Beltane. It was raining. We'd just left the IEPG Beltane celebration and were heading to a friend's house to continue celebrating when the threadbare tire in the back let out a tremendous wet fart as it succumbed to the inevitable. I wasn't too worried. It was only lightly raining and I'm actually pretty handy with general car stuff. I got my jack and donut spare ready but didn't have a tire iron. Fuck. But we have good friends and two came to our rescue. Fast forward to the day after May. On June 1st I went to use our last little bit of money to get some chocolate for Hannah and I (as Hannah had made it clear that if I didn't get us some kind comfort snack she might murder me) and as I made my way south on Pines, I thought it would be a goddamn great idea to mate my front tire with the curb. The mating ritual began with a boom and ended with a 'ka-thud, ka-thud, ka-thud.' Again, thankfully we have great friends. Our friends who were married on May 1st (the day after the first flat tire) saved me this time. 

But let me derail a moment and chronicle the car problems between Optimus's flats: our friend's Ford Contour died when its timing belt lost track of time, my twinsy friends lost their boat of a car to a suspected dead alternator, and our Kettle Korn diva had issues with both her vehicles (the Smart Car tried to mate with a curb and was even less successful than Optimus Prime and her mustard yellow Truck has been in and out of the car hospital all month). In the few days since our second flat: the newlyweds who helped me out on June 1st had to be rescued from the Cosco parking lot when their hatchback made the death rattle, and a couple of hours ago (2 AM) we got yet another car call. Hannah and I just returned from picking up our poor stranded friend from the Sullivan Wal-Mart due to a dead battery situation. 

I'm going to be working about 12 hours of overtime in the next two weeks and I think I'm going to use every penny extra that brings me to get Optimus checked out and get him a new belt. If I'm going to be the bad-ass friend who rescues my darlings from parking lots around Spokane and Spokane Valley then I need to make sure my ride is a reliable one. Speaking of work, though, this Monday will be the start of an eleven day work week. Of the three people we recently hired only one of them actually worked out (and he's doing freaking amazing!) but on top of that the other Lead quit with only two days notice. Ergo we are mutha-fuckin shorthanded. I'm going to buckle in for this eleven day long haul and enjoy the overtime. At the end of it all I will start a new schedule working Sunday (5-1) and Monday thru Thursday (7-4). What this means for me is that I'll always have Friday and Saturday off which is kind of neat. Also it splits up the weekends between my supervisor and I so that neither of us have to work both days. The weekends start so freaking early and are such a mixed bag of insanity that it might be nice to only have to deal with it one time a week instead of back to back every other weekend. 

Side note to the above: my bosses are so sweet. The manager and supervisor had me come in on my day off to work on scheduling and make a plan to get us through the summer. When I got to the office they called me into a conference room and started the morning by giving me a present tower. They gave me a coloring book with pencils, My Little Pony stickers, Rainbow Dash knee socks, double stuffed Oreos, and a lovely card in which they both told me how much they appreciate me being there. It made me feel so freaking good. Yeah, there are definitely days when this job stresses me out and there are definitely customers that call in who make me want to scream, but I've said from the very beginning, I've never worked for a place like this before. I've never been able to put a local address for the 'corporate' office of my workplace on my taxed. I've never been so rewarded for work well done and I've never received such positive reinforcement. Also I've never had a job before where I truly believed the higher ups gave a shit about me. Not just about 'employees,' but about 'me' specifically. It's a neat feeling. And on that note, I'm going to get some more sleep.

Fuck me Gently with a Chainsaw and How to tell if an Engineer is an Extrovert

Dear Diary, my teenage angst bullshit has a body count. Or something like that. It has been a very long time since I've updated this blog. In a few words: things have been busy. But it's when things are busiest that we must remind ourselves to slow down and smell the roses. Or the Cupcake Petunia's at Walmart. I smelled those today and wanted to roll around naked in their petals they smelled so damn good. So here I am, taking a moment to breathe and center myself. 

There have been some very large changes in my life. Hannah and I have an apartment. We have a date for the wedding! (Friday the 13th in October 2017, if you must know.) I got a promotion at work. I'm a Lead now and I like it. And I loathe it. Pretty normal for being a Lead I suppose. I've joined in several D&D campaigns. In January I led the Wolf Moon Esbat Ritual and it was one of the most magickal Moons I've ever had. Such energy, such howling! I'm starting to practice Tai Chi and I have a Yoga DVD that helps women with menstrual pain.

David Bowie died. 

This spring Hannah and I planted several pots of flowers and created an herb wall on the back patio. I'm very impatient. Waiting for green is making me crazy.

As for writing, I'm lagging off in a bad way. Matthias is never far from my thoughts. Neither is Brom, the artist, who, as of late, has been my constant inspiration. Beltane happened recently. I celebrated with so many lovely people. There was a Wedding too. And I danced and sweated and drank and ate pizza and cinnamon rolls and honored the gods and gave myself over to the spirit of the season. As a result I'm ready to get. shit. done.

Also I'll be stepping off the Pagan Ministry Council next week. I want to do it in person. Hannah already resigned a few days ago. It was a rather large decision for her and there was some fall out that we had to deal with last night that made for a rough time. At this point in our lives though, the energy we're putting into the logistical side of the IEPG is just too damn much. We need to be working on school, work, writing, keeping our home and hearth happy and welcoming. We need to actually spend time together every once in a while. 

And something really cool happened a few moment ago out back. I went outside to water the herbs and flowers and I found half of a Robin's eggshell nestled under the Cosmos flowers. My Cosmos flowers that I planted on Ostara. It probably ended up there during the random and gorgeous thunderstorm we had last night. The little shell, so fragile, so blue, just sitting there as if to say that fragility is an illusion. Reminding me of new life. Of leaving old shells behind. I took the little shell inside and put it on the altar next to Freyja. But the eggshell wasn't my only gift from the goddess: some of the herbs that I'd figured weren't going to grow at all, have actually sprouted. I'm not sure what is what but I know that about five pouches from the herb wall are actually going to grow to fruition. I'm not holding out much hope for the Lavender but the fact that anything is growing makes me smile. 

At work I talk to some really awful, bitter beasts. But I also talk to sweet and wonderful people. One of these sweethearts called up for a vacation stop and while I was entering the information, he shared a few jokes with me. In turn I shared a few with him. The first one he told though, is my favorite: "How can you tell if an Engineer is extroverted? When you're talking with him, he stares at your shoes instead of his own." Some of you will giggle and some of you will frown and say, 'I don't really get it.' And that is why this joke is my favorite. 

A Review of Creative October and Three More Projects

A better picture of the cute Monster High nails I did earlier this month.

So, I'm confident I can succeed in Creative October. I have been doing projects (I haven't been able to post them immediately but I've still been doing them) pretty regularly and so I still right on schedule. I have a poem I've been working on for a few days and I will be posting that later today for Project #25. In the mean time, however, I wanted to share a few pictures and do a small review of my experience so far with Creative October. 

This is a piece of jewelry from another project I did earlier this month.
I coated the backs of several bracelets, pendants, and rings with clear
nail polish to make them wearable for me.

I, like Dani, really enjoy projects that span a certain amount of time and test one's will power. I tried a 'write every day' thing many years ago and made it into late March before I petered out. I think that for an 'every day' project to work, it's good to start out small. Make a goal of doing something every day for a week, then a month, then for a season, etc. I've very much enjoyed working on and finding my creative every day this month. Yes, there were a few days that I accomplished nothing but for the most part I've learned that sometimes less is more and that we can find creativity in the oddest of places. Also, like Dani, I've rediscovered some of the things that I loved doing in my childhood. Just simply sitting and coloring, or doodling with pencil, or painting... these things are so much fun and easy to do. They are stress relievers with the added benefit of leaving you with something tangible afterwards. 

Pony magnets at work!

But tangibility isn't the most important thing. It's the knowledge that you stepped outside of a normal day's routine and tapped into the beautiful universality of creativity. That might sound a bit extreme but that's what this month has meant to me. It's also been a blessed distraction from not only the stress of leaving one job and beginning another, it has also kept me sane while my poor Hannah has suffered some incredible blows concerning her parents' health. So I'm thankful that, even though Creative October filled my plate to overflowing, that I did decide to do it. And, gods willing, I'll see it through to the end!

A view of my desk at work. You might notice the
Sharka page posted proudly on my cubicle wall.

Project 22: I did a sketch of my character from Dungeons and Dragons. His name is Belafax Malfeiri and he's the crown prince of North Fendar. What I learned while doing this project is that I'm very out of practice with drawing, Also I learned that even though I know Belafax is a fairly attractive half-elf with barbaric tendencies, I always tend to picture him as more of an orc! Even in this picture I feel like he's rather orcish, haha. And I learned too that when it comes to drawing I always cop out and go for the profile shot because for some reason I think they are easier. But in reality they aren't. I need to take some more drawing classes and become more adept of relaying the human shape. All that aside, however, it was fun to draw again. 

Project 23: Yesterday at the IEPG Samhain celebration I portrayed Ereshkigal in our ritual reenactment of the descent of Inanna. So to get more into character, I drew the eye of death on my palm. Then, when it came time for me to kill my younger sister, Innana Goddess of Heaven and Earth, I showed her my hand and spoke the words of death. It was all very theatrical and fun. What I learned in this project is that I really love Sumerian mythology and I want to do further study into the archetypal journey of Inanna's descent. Also I learned that sharpies are the best for making death eyes. Also I learned that I really love the crap out of my Pagan family. They were all so supportive and sweet. Sometimes I get very nervous about performing in front of anyone and even though I felt a bit anxious, I knew that no one would care if I messed up, that they would take it in stride. It was a nice experience over all. And I definitely want to do a ritual in honor of Ereshkigal sometime. She's the Goddess of the Underworld and traditional worship of her usually includes some form of BDSM. So, of course, I'm a total fan. 

Project 24: I sanded and painted a table. Our lovely neighbors gave us their octagonal table earlier this year and since Hannah and I will soon be moving into a place of our own, we decided to spiffy up the table and make it a little more ours. With my mom's guidance, I sanded the crap out of the wood and metal parts then painted over it with flat black rustoleum spray paint. I learned that I apparently suck at spray painting (too many pools of thick paint) but I also recalled a fondness for the smell of aerosol paint. I also like the smell of gas too. I do not, and have never, huffed. But man I sure don't mind a good sniff while I'm gassing up or painting a table! It was brass and brown before. It will all be black as soon as I apply the last coat tonight. Unfortunately I won't have a final, finished shot of it until later because it will be too dark for my pathetic phone to handle another picture after the last coat.

Projects 19, 20, and 21: Silly stuff for work and fun stuff for Samhain!

Project 19: I made my work desk pretty with magnets. A while back a friend of mine sent me this awesome magnetized pony scene book with magnet ponies in it. I took the book to work intending to open it up and leave it on my desk with the ponies going about their business, but then I realized that I could have the magnets out all the time if I just stuck them on my desk. See now I can make scenes come to life on my drawers or on the other metal part of my desk near the monitor. 

What did I learn during this project? I learned that this generation of ponies is pretty darn cute even if it's not as cute as the original generation and the most recent generation. Also I learned that I'm in my own little corner of the office and no one sees anything I do and so if I'm going to decorate it will truly be for my eyes only so I might as well do something I like! And did I complete it? Yes - though I would venture to say it's a work in progress since right now all the ponies are waiting to be played with on the faces of my desk drawers.

Project 20: I wrote out Lewis Carroll's Jabberwocky poem on my break schedule. I felt that the paper was way too plain to go up on my cubicle wall without some color on it and by color I mean a spiraling pink, purple, and blue handwritten poem. So I chose Jabberwocky. What did I learn? I learned that I had forgotten a few words of the poem. I memorized it back in high school when I was on the Speech and Debate team and did poetic interpretation. I used to do this poem and the Yarn of the Nancy Bell. I think there was more one in there, maybe The Raven by Poe. But yeah I liked macabre and nonsensical poems. Still do! And did I finish this project? You betcha!

Project 21: With mom and Hannah's help, I gathered up all the items to be included in the Elements Basket for the Samhain raffle table. The basket included: pillar candles, mirror candle stands, a set of candle holders, an earth candle, ocean potpourri, a small bottle of Shinto Shrine water, three packs of incense, a barbecue lighter, shell shaped bathtub fizzers, a bottle of sparkling water for drinking, and a wind-chime made of polished stones. 

This is a picture taken by the basket winner. You can see all
of the various pieces of the Elements basket as well as a  few
pieces of the altar kit basket that our High Priestess made.

What I learned is that baskets, while sometimes being stressful to make, are always fun! And I learned that putting that extra effort into something really pays off. All the baskets up for raffle were very beautiful and a lot of people really wanted to win the Elements Basket (mainly because that wind-chime was so stinking neat!) so that encouraged more people to buy tickets. We broke a record yesterday for the IEPG: we made over $100 in a single evening in donations via general donation and raffle ticket purchases. This is amazing. The IEPG doesn't need all that much money to keep running smoothly, but we do need some. The money goes to supplies for the guild as well as paying the rental insurance on our venue we use all year long for Esbats and Sabbats. And we survive on donations from members. Usually we make between $0 and $20 dollars at an event. So this was monumental. Did I complete the project: yes, with help from my mom and my Hannah.

Lots of Things! And a Couple of Projects...

Projects for today include: doctoring up several pieces of jewelry with nail polish to make sure they don't turn my skin green; hanging up some fall decor; gathering up all the pieces of the Elements Basket for Samhain (not that it's completed yet); putting together my outfits to wear for the week; getting a couple of things ready to go out in the mail; and packing my bag for the next couple of days. The first two count for creative October. I have a couple of crappy pictures to give you an idea of what those projects entailed but due to my internet being a complete jackass all day, I cannot get them off my email to show you.

Tomorrow begins my second official week as a customer service specialist in the circulation department for the Spokesman-Review. There are many things I still am unsure of, but for the most part I've got the hang of things. I feel like I'm going to do well at this job, but I predict it will not be one that I will want to do for an insanely long amount of time. My hope is to move up in the company a little bit eventually, or maybe move somewhere else in the building like... yeah... you know... writing. But in the meantime, I'm very happy to have what one would call, a 'real' job. And the people are freaking wonderful. The new job jitters are hardly a tremble now. And I'm finally over my period. Now if I can just kick this sickness, I'll be tip-top for work and play.

Day 8 and Day 9 - Cake and Nails!

For Day 8 of Creative October, I cooked a pink cake! Mom gave me a pink velvet cake mix to take to Chris's. And Chris bought whipped strawberry icing. I put two and two together today and covered half the top with strawberries. Yes this was technically a follow the directions project, but I'm going to count it as it is pink and unusual and delicious. To answer the questions: 1) pink cake with strawberries on top; 2) I learned that whipped icing is yummier than regular icing and that pink cake mix starts white and only turns pink once it becomes wet; and 3) Yes I completed the project. 

We learned also that whipped strawberry frosting tastes like marshmallows!

For Day 9 of Creative October I decorated my nails with Monster High nail wraps. I wore these to teh Maiden Mother Crone class put on by the IEPG. Yes, I completed the project. I learned that these nail wraps were too big for almost all of the nails so I had to do quite a bit of manual trimming. But other than that, this activity reaffirmed for me that I really enjoy nail wraps as they are quick and easy and you can find the most freaky fabulous designs!

They were cute. And matched my dress fairly well.

One day behind now. Until tomorrow, then I'll be two days behind! So let's hope I can finally get caught up before my long work week begins on Monday. Hooray for taking the bus! Maybe I'll make some fun map art or something to chronicle my adventures as a bus riding fool. 

Crafts, Moon, and Library

This upcoming October is going to be very busy and very fun I think. My friend D and I have decided to do a 'craft something everyday' challenge. This means we have to start and finish one project everyday during the month of October and these things can include crochet, other crafts, writing, cooking something unusual, etc. And they can be a group project as well as long as you make a large contribution. Essentially we're just doing it to have a little fun and give us something to brag about or lament over each and every day. Hannah and a few other friends are doing it too!

In the mean time, I get to lead a "Corny" Corn Moon Ritual for the IEPG this coming Monday. I might post a little bit here after I get the whole thing written up. This wasn't supposed to be my moon but the gentleman who was going to lead it had some unexpected things come up at home so now I'm going to do my best to lead the moon and keep with the corny theme that he had originally wanted. We'll see how that goes. I'm excited but nervous too. I only have a few days to prepare. But I find, typically, I work best under pressure so let the writing begin!

And in other news, I'm still very stressed about the job hunt. I was supposed to hear back this week from the Spokesman-Review (the lady said they would call me with a yes or a no, but they would definitely call me!) and so far nothing. I just checked the library page for Spokane and Spokane valley and they have three new job openings. They all close October 7th. So I'm thinking I'll write up the letters and get everything ready and then either turn it in tomorrow or wait until the day before the last day to turn it in. What I want more than anything is to be given a damn chance. If you aren't going to hire me at least let me fuck up in the interview. Don't 'not' hire me without talking to me. I'm a great employee! And I need a career. Please just give me a damn chance. 

On the eve of my last Boston adventure...

Well, it may not be my last Boston adventure. But it is the last one in this capacity, as a grad student attending Pine Manor College. I still have a few things to work on. I'm having the panic. Lots of the panic. Not as badly as I have in times past, but I'm definitely stressed and nervous and fretting. Tonight I'm over at my neighbor's house talking with her and Hannah about the section of my novel which I will be reading at the graduate reading. While there are many sections I really enjoy, I think the part where Matthias wins the 'tooth' game at the Arena is probably going to be the one I go with. I need to write a small introduction to the piece and then practice it a few times for pacing. When E graduated I listened to her during her practice run and I'm sure she will do the same for me. 

I'm worried about E. She just went through a really upsetting breakup and I hope that I can be a positive and wholesome distraction for her while I'm there. I'm also worried about the hotel costs and the costs of everything in general. I will have to sit down with her and chat when I get there. This education adventure has put me into mega debt which is okay because honestly it was worth it, but at the same time, financial stress is making me feel ill.

In other news I turned in my application to be part of the Pagan Ministry Council for the Inland Empire Pagan Guild. I think it was a pretty decent letter of interest if I do say so myself. I will know before I return whether or not I am accepted as a member of the council. Here's hoping that Hannah and I are approved.

My next post will be from Boston! I have a list of to-dos. I want to eat at Papa Gino's at least once, I want to do girly things with Eileen such as making our nails look fabulous for graduation, I need to get a shot glass of the Boston skyline for my coworker, and I want to do some tarot readings in the hotel room. I'm excited for the time at school as well as the time away from school. I am absolutely desperate to reconnect with many of my dear, dear Solstice Sisters and Brothers. Right now I feel like rambling and procrastinating and curling up in a ball and waving a white flag of surrender. Ugh. I want to go but I am also just done.

New Happenings in the Facets of My Life

I'm sitting here in a mild panic waiting to embark on the final leg of my graduate school career. So much has happened in the past month and so much is going to happen in the following month that I feel the best way to tackle this info-dump is through a list. And to make it even more palatable, I've divided it into Spiritual Life, Fictional Life, and Real Life. There may be some overlap as my fictional life typically overruns my real one.

Spiritual Life:

• Went to the annual camp out for the IEPG (Inland Empire Pagan Guild). This years theme was Hammered with the Heathens and we did get a bit hammered here and there. But when we weren't drinking, we had a great time interacting with friends in the community and trying new things, Such as: I led my very first ritual! It was my first time writing and leading. We performed a Nightmare Banishment Ritual with a My Little Pony twist to it. I actually had a wonderful time leading it and the feedback that I've received has all been positive. Already I'm excited to lead some more rituals in the future.
• Saw two Handfastings at the camp out! Both rituals were renewals of handfasting vows and intentions but they were both lovely and gave Hannah and me some ideas about our own future handfasting.
• Woke with the sun one morning and greeted the day. Saw a sea hawk nest complete with babies!
• Hannah and I have been asked if we are interested in joining the Pagan Ministry Council and both of us have said yes! We are going to submit our pleas for consideration to the full IEPG group sometime this week. If it doesn't work out that I am able to take part in the council, that's fine. I'm still gearing up for future rituals and classes. This is a great community and I will be part of it in any way I can be.

Fictional Life:

• In Dungeons and Dragons with the neighbors my character has finally gotten his memory back and, I was correct, he is indeed a prince! All sorts of crazy questing is happening right now and Hannah's character is starting to catch feelings for the irreverent 'live for the moment' barbarian. We'll see how that plays out. He has never had a real relationship before, not even a real friendship. Or at least not in the past thirty years. So for him this is all very new.
• Been thinking about Death Man a lot recently. I've decided that this November during the National Novel Writer's Month, I'm going to try and finish up some more of the draft as well as begin serious plotting for the overall structure which, I reckon, will be quite a bit different than it is right now.
• Working on finishing homework for the final leg of the residency. I want to really spruce up the stories that I submitted for workshop and maybe submit one of them for a magazine at some point. But the other piece is the first chapter to a novel. So that might be my future project for next year. We'll see how Death Man goes. So many novels, so little time. I must manufacture some time. 
• Been doing a little role-playing again in the past couple of weeks. Very little. Just a post here and there or maybe a couple a day when we're on a roll. But it's like a little treat to reward me for being good and abstaining from it for so long whilst finishing school. I am not going to let the RP take over my life, but I am going to enjoy the hell out of it as long as it doesn't interfere with other responsibilities including the November goal with my novel. Basically right now, the RP is a total excuse for vampire and werewolf conflict, lots of blood, and the fun in creating new rules for old supernatural entities. And I'm sure at some point there'll be sex. (If they all don't die first!)

Real Life:

• Had a lovely graduation party at my aunt's club house. Lots of my friends were there as well as a decent grouping of family. I made a little over $200 dollars from cards and well-wishers and that is basically going to feed me on my trip. The party was great because it was a pool party and that is the first time I've ever thrown one of those. It was certainly hot enough to merit it!
• SCOTUS! Finally a move in the right direction for this country. This year, for the first time in a long time, I'm proud to be an American. Hooray for marriage equality and boo on all the haters who truly believe that equal civil rights for all will somehow destroy the fabric of existence. In the words of Taylor Swift: the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, but I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake. Shake it off!
•  Got a surprise graduation mini-party at work. On Monday, when I arrived for the early morning meeting, I was greeted with a cake, a card full of monies, and a sign that said "Congrats Amanda." It was such a sweet gesture! 
• I'm on the hunt for a new job. Which is very bittersweet because despite the occasional drama at the bra shop, I really do love this job and the gals who work there. But it's time for me to get something that can provide for me and my mate while we continue to work on our fictional and spiritual lives. Today I'm finishing a cover letter and application for the Newspaper in Spokane. Wish me luck with it!
• Getting ready for the Residency. Homework, finalizing my class that I get to teach, and pretty much stressing about it on all levels. 

Creative Thesis is Done!

Tonight I sent in 130 pages in PDF format to be bound as my Creative Thesis. I cannot believe that I'm here. I truly cannot believe that I am graduating. This last semester was truly awful for me. I'm the reason it was awful. I let depression and insecurity following my illness in January, really destroy my drive and ambition. By the time I should have been editing a full manuscript I was still trying to compose and figure out the rest of the first part. So I figured I would NOT be graduating. I figured that I had wasted everyone's time. I'd wasted my mentor's time. Her energy and her effort. I'd wasted it all. But she didn't let me throw in the towel. In fact she got down right mean about it! Which is what I needed. Back when she first became my mentor I handed her over a metaphorical whip and said, go for it. Hit me with this whip until I feel it in the marrow of my bones. And in the end that's exactly what it took. I descended into the Great Below and was reborn. That might seem a pretty intense metaphor for graduating an MFA program, but that's exactly how it has felt. 

Tonight I'm turning in my end of semester evaluation. And then all I have left is to figure out the logistics and prepare for the residency classes. I'm frustrated because there's a new law in Massachusetts saying that all students have to have health insurance. Which wouldn't be such a big deal except that they want to charge me over $200 for the ten days I'm there in July. So I'm trying to figure out what to do about that, but aside from this little snafu I am just about ready. I have work tomorrow but then have a three day stretch. I'm going to get as much done for the residency as possible. I want to be able to relax in June when I go on the IEPG camping trip. After I get back from the residency I'm going to be applying for a new job. Also I'm going to bust my hump getting into a writing routine. Sandra has faith in me that I really can get published. And I'm starting to maybe have some faith in myself as well. Right now I feel like I have a world of possibilities opened up before me. So we'll just see what happens. In the mean time, I know for a fact that I am going to graduate and I'm letting this knowledge warm me up in a way I haven't felt in a long time.

Sumerian Goddesses and My Little Pony

In past blogs I've mentioned the Mayans (and Aztecs and Incas) and also talked about my interest in Norse Goddesses such as Skadi and Hel. For a long time, ever since high school in fact, I've been incredibly interested in Sumerian culture and religion. Sumer was the cradle of life and civilization. I've seen a few movies that use 'Sumerian cults' and 'obscure Sumerian gods' as the antagonizing forces. It makes sense to capitalize on something so ancient and mysterious when trying to terrorize an audience but I've always felt there was more to it than that. I recently went on a light search to learn a little about Sumerian gods and goddesses and what I found was very exciting. Until I read and learn more I won't talk about the overall myths, but I do want to share a little about Inanna and Ereshkigal. 

Inanna, who is also known as Ishtar, is the goddess of love and war. She is the patron for children conceived in love and for those who die in battle. To me this feels beautifully familiar to Freyja who is the Norse goddess of pretty much the same thing. She appeals to me very strongly because of the immense scope of her patronage and also because of how revered she is still today by many people who study/revere the Sumerian Pantheon. There are many books on the subject, some of which I will be owning as soon as my life calms down and funds increase (or hell, if neither of those happens I will still be owning them soon): 

• The Sacred Sex Rites of Ishtar
• Inanna: From the Myths of Ancient Sumer 
• Inanna, Lady of the Largest Heart: Poems of the Sumerian High Priestess
• Inanna, Queen of Heaven and Earth: Her Stories and Hymns from Sumer 

Innana's sister, Ereshkigal, is the goddess who rules the underworld. I haven't researched her as much as Inanna, but I wonder if I'll find similarities between her and Norse's Hel. She is an interesting and provocative figure. There are a few books written about her as well and most of them delve into BDSM as part of devotion and worship. I've been curious about the sensual side of a BDSM spiritual path for a while now so it is little wonder why I'm so drawn to this Queen of the Great Below. 

The books that I'm interested in purchasing as a way to get to know her better are as follows: (the first book in the list deals with her specifically, the next three talk about merging BDSM and spirituality)

• Queen of the Great Below: An Anthology in Honor of Ereshkigal
• Sacred Kink: The Eightfold Paths of BDSM and Beyond
• Dark Moon Rising: Pagan BDSM and the Ordeal Path
• Sacred Pain: Hurting the Body for the Sake of the Soul

Many books that talk about both goddesses. Inanna and her sister, Ereshkigal, are bound together in the myth of Inanna's descent into the Great Below. I don't have a Norse correlation of hand, but the way these sisters compliment each other reminds me very much of My Little Pony's Princess Celestia and Princess Luna. Just as their names suggest, one is the pony Princess of day and the other is the Princess of night. During the IEPG campout this June I'm going to lead a 'My Little Pony' themed ritual to banish our nightmares to the moon. I will invoke the archetypal Princesses to join us and I can't help but think that Inanna and Ereshkigal will be there too, in spirit if not in name.

A.D.D. and a blog that's all over the place!

Life has been incredibly complicated lately. In March, Hannah, F, and I went to Seattle to drive F to a wedding.  We visited my aunt and cousins, went out to Whidbey Island, visited the Tsubaki Grand Shrine in Granite Falls, and had a wonderful time. When we got home, however, we took our sweet baby Galen to be put down at the emergency vet's clinic. His bronchitis had turned into something much worse and he was fighting for breath. It was one of the hardest things I've ever been through. Until that night, I'd never been present for the final moments of any of my fur-babies. Somehow I'd always been away (school trips, college, too young to go in, etc.), but with Galen I was not only in the room, I was the one holding him. We said our goodbyes and he went limp in my arms. We were a mess.

After that life picked up again for a while. I fell ever more behind on my novel - working and working on parts of it and nit-picking so slowly that I thought I would never get a full draft done in time for the second reader. But in the end, I did. I took four days off from work and spent every single waking moment sitting (on the couch, on the toilet, at the library, at the table, on the bed, in the living room, at the desk) and writing. I became physically ill and perhaps mentally ill as well. Between writing bouts I would tromp around that apartment like a gorilla or laugh maniacally and alternate between screams of "I can do it!" and "I'm going to diiiiiieeeeee!" I didn't expect to finish but I did. Just barely though, I finished shitting out the final part of a major chapter at about a quarter to noon on Saturday and then ran to Fed-Ex to catch the overnight pick up by 1:15. I printed everything out, snapped it together and sent it on its way for about fifty bucks. A hefty price but if I manage to graduate then its a price I'm willing to pay. 

After that I went to work. My boss has been a negative Nancy since our previous Assistant Manager retired. The new ASM is a nice person and I like her but I don't know if she's the perfect fit for the group of girls who work here. When it's just her and me working it's great, but some of the other girls have issues and on some days it feels like we're in middle school again. And I hated middle school. I desperately need a different job but now that it seems I shall be graduating (and please, I still need everyone's prayers and positive energies on that front), I will stop looking for the moment and focus on looking after I return from Boston in July with my MFA! It should be easier to get a decent job after that but we'll see.

In other news, I just got the class list for the MFA residency and I'm very excited. I'm going to start reading the required pieces tomorrow. Now I just have to update my bibliography, get a decent synopsis written by the first of May, and have a revised and *finalized* draft sent to Sandra by the fifteenth and I'll be looking pretty good. Then I have to detail out what I'm doing for my class - I think I shall take lots of notes while at work this next week or two - and get my workshop pieces written and ready. And then I shall take a huge breath. Also I'm going to write down every single date that I need off from work in the next two months because I'm tired of missing rituals and celebrations. I am going to miss the IEPG celebration Beltane this Saturday and I sort of want to do something fun on my own, but what I'll probably end up doing is just going to Hastings after work to participate in free comic day. Not quite the welcome to fertile summer that I had hoped for. 

Other, other news: Hannah and I will be adopting my aunt's cat, Ray. He's an older kitty (I think he's about 8 years old) and she wants to re-home him. I understand her reasons and I've told her in the past that I adore the kitty and if she needed to place him somewhere that Hannah and I would take him in a heartbeat. Well, she has agreed to send him our way. I just hope Narcisa can handle a new big brother. He's a gray short-haired complete lover boy and I cannot wait to welcome him into the family. I would like to have a welcoming ritual for him as well as a remembrance ritual for the boys (our sweet babies Yoda and Galen). The kitties are a huge part of our lives, emotionally and spiritually, and I want to express that in a divine way. 

That's all for now. Blessed be and good night. I took today off to just relax and rest and tomorrow begins the next chapter of a very stressful novel called 'my life.' 

Oh also, F and a few friends of our with the IEPG think I need to get checked out for Adult A.D.D. I've always had attention and focus problems but they seem to have escalated to a very destructive level lately. It may be that I just need to adjust my anxiety and depression medication but something definitely needs to be done. 

And in other, other, other news, my poor father is suffering from the same type of infection that I had in January. It seems he and I are cellulitis twins. Lovely. His infection is in his leg which really sucks but at least he isn't having to go to the hospital every twelve hours for IV antibiotics. I do have some good news about all - I sent in all the paperwork to see if our county's social services could help me out some with the bill and they not only helped, they wrote off the entire thing. All nine invoices are now balanced at zero. When I got the letter in the mail I nearly cried I was so happy. Maybe things can keep looking up. Dad is going to get better very soon, mom is going to get a new job this fall, and I'm going to graduate and so will Hannah! These things will happen. I have to believe it.

Birthdays and Optimus Prime

With the help of some wonderful friends, I managed to throw Hannah a surprise Birthday party on her actual Birthday.  I don't know that I've ever been able to surprise her like this before.  We went to Spokane to celebrate the Crow Moon - my parents came up separately and set up a shit ton of Monster High dolls and party decorations in a spare room - and afterwards one of the members of the Pagan council took Hannah aside and I ushered everyone into the party room. Then Hannah showed up and we screamed surprise at her.  She immediately ran away.  Which was fantastic. I dragged her back into the room and we sang Happy Birthday. She opened gifts while the pagans ate cake (a lovely cake that my mother made for the occasion) and drank sodas, coffee, and tea. It was a great evening and afterwards we went to Dennys with two friends and proceeded to have one of the most inappropriate conversations we've ever had... in public. That, too, was great.

In other news, my friend, J, who is more like a sister than mere friend, gave birth to her third child today.  J texted me during labor, talking about contractions, the epidural, and all sorts of things.  I felt like I was part of it and while I wanted her to stop texting and focus on getting the baby out, I actually really enjoyed the back and forth.  We now have a Kaylin Marie in the world.  J had to have a Cesarean because the little baby wasn't as little as the doctors had first thought.  I'm glad the baby's here.  She was supposed to be here a couple of days ago and then she would have been a birthday twin for Hannah.  Oh well, the seventh is a good day, too. 

In other other news, we are taking our friend Fi to Seattle in two weeks and her parents, wanting to make sure our car was road worthy and reliable, fixed my car at no charge to me.  There were many things wrong with good old Optimus Prime (the least of which being fucked up fuses and misfiring codes) and Fi's dad, who is a mechanic at Dave Smith, took the car in and fixed pretty much everything he could find.  I'm very excited for the trip now and I'm going to make a concentrated effort to be as mother-fucking positive as possible.  This was truly a blessing and I am determined to treat it as such and enjoy every moment of this mini-vacation that otherwise would not have been possible.    

Something Kind of Amazing Happened

Narcisa napping.

I went to change the water in the cat's water dish.  It's a pretty cool water dish - it has a filter that catches degree and also softens the water for the little beasts.  Also they love it because the middle of the dish bubbles up in a gentle fountain that they enjoy playing in.  And when I say 'they' I mean Narcisa, of course. 

You can get one of these bad boys on Amazon.

Periodically the dish has to be cleaned and the filter changed.  Well, I am ashamed to admit that I let it go a little long between cleanings this time - probably two or three weeks.  I usually clean it once a week if I'm on top of things.  This last month was a total bust and this month hasn't been too much better.  So, suffice it to say, the cat dish was neglected.  We kept it full of water of course, but it needed some love.

Here's the filter.  See the frilly bits around the edges...

Tonight I picked it up and went to the sink to do just that.  When I opened it up and looked at the large filter and saw a few smudges of food particles (pretty typical) and then something that looked like a long blade of grass.  I rinsed the filter and then shook it trying to dislodge the grass.  But it was stuck.  So I tugged it a little.  That's when I saw that it wasn't a blade of grass (and how the hell would a blade of grass ended up in their water dish anyway?) it was a small plant.  It was the very first shoot of a baby plant!  Somehow a seed had gotten into their water dish and become stuck in the fuzz of the filter.  And then it sprouted.  I saw little roots twisted into the edge of the filter and a small blackish seed/bean from where the roots and sprout all came from.  

I will get a real picture later - this gives you an idea of what it looks like.

I couldn't believe it.  I gently removed it from the filter, pulling some of the filter away instead of harming the cute little plant.  It grew in the cat's water dish!  Of all places.  How the hell did this happen?  Well, let me take you back to a year ago when Hannah and I went to our first event with the Inland Empire Pagan Guild. We went to Ostara (Easter). We met lots of people and got to participate in a Heathen themed ritual. It was nerve wracking because we didn't really know anyone, but at the same time it was a great deal of fun.  Enough fun that we kept coming back. During that first event, however, we joined the younger crowd and decorated egg cut outs with seeds. We glued millet, lentils, small red beans, and a variety of other beans onto the little papers.  We made three of them in total.

This is NOT what we made at Ostara.  We did something similar, but in an
 egg shape and far less detailed. Again, this is just to give you an idea.

When we got home, Hannah and I pinned them to the wall in the living room where they have stayed through all the changing holidays and seasons (they'll be back in season in a month, mind you!). Somehow one of the seeds must have fallen into the water dish which is located below it in the living room.  Either it fell or Narcisa jumped and batted at the eggs until she knocked something loose. The latter is probably what happened.  I think it was one of the red beans that fell but I can't be sure.  All that is left of the water soak and germinating seed/bean is a fuzzy black spot.

The middle one!  That's what I think fell into the dish.
I will investigate further when I transplant the little baby.

I still can't believe this little seed grew in this environment. It had no light and was completely submerged in water and yet it grew. That seed/bean was glued to a piece of paper for almost a year and yet... it grew. I talked to it and called it 'little baby' as I rushed around the kitchen and dining room trying to figure out how to save it!  In the end I borrowed some soil from our Christmas Cactus and put the seed and the soil into a small jam jar (something I'd been holding onto since Christmas).  I saturated the soil - I'm not exactly afraid of drowning it since that's all it's known it's whole life thus far! - and now I have it placed safely on the altar in the bedroom.  If it keeps growing (as I dearly hope it will) I'm going to get some fresh soil from the store and transplant it.  I'm not sure how long bean plants live.  I figure they wither after a season, but for while this plant is alive, I'm determined to keep it healthy and happy.   

To quote Jurassic Park: "Life finds a way."

Two Kinds of Homework, or Books and Svadhishthana

For my MFA homework: I'm writing out the origins of my fucked up little city as well as finally giving myself permission to attack this novel as a YA vehicle. My mentor, while always being positive and encouraging, always takes time to give me excellent reading suggestions so that we are both on the same foot as far as concepts and things to try. A few books she suggested that I really enjoyed are St. Lucy's Home for Girls Raised by Wolves by Karen Russell, Disgrace by J.M. Coetzee, The House on Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros, and Structuring Your Novel by Robert C. Meredith.  Earlier today I updated by accumulative bibliography (I use Easy Bib online and I love it! So simple!) and added all of my entries together. I have reached the desired goal of 80 entries including, research articles, novels, books of poetry, graphic novels, selected chapters for critical study and lecture classes. 

Everything I read now is icing on the cake and, as per my mentors suggestions once again, I'm excited get to work reading Writing Great Books for Young Adults by Regina Brooks, The Modern Library Writer's Workshop by Stephen Koch (this is more for after I graduate but I'll peek now!), The Stranger by Albert Camus (this one is a reread), Waiting for the Barbarians by J.M. Coetzee, and (probably after I graduate) On Such a Full Sea by Chang-rae Lee.  I cannot begin to describe how excited I was to get the latest package from Amazon.  I had just ordered the Coetzee, Brooks, and Koch books and knew they would be arriving any day.  They arrived yesterday while I was getting ready for my shower.  I heard the door knock and so I cautiously, nakedly made my way through the hall to peer out though the spy-hole into the stairwell area.  No one was there.  I knew right away it must be a UPS drop off.  So I opened the door and extended a naked arm, as well as one renegade boob, out into the world (because stopping to put clothes on was NOT an option!) and snatched the box quickly into the safety of my home and bosom.

Today's Blog Lesson: Reading is good for you.  Masturbation is good for you.  Any questions?

For Wiccan Spirituality homework: We were given two articles to read and some exercises to try. I've already read the first article and loved it!  Other parts of homework were to interact with and get to know water as an inspirational and life-giving thing, as well as research the second chakra which is the chakra most associated with this element.  Well I found some great sites (Chakra Center, Chakra Anatomy, and Kundalini Yoga Meditation) that offer similar yet valuable information on the second chakra which is known in Sanskit as the Svadhishthana "one's own base."  The thing about the second chakra is that it focuses not on pragmatism but on 'feeling' and creativity. It is, I suppose, the human condition chakra. This is the stem of our feelings and emotions and our sexual drives and desires. It can become clogged and blocked and interrupted which usually leads to a damming of our creativity or an unhealthy obsession with sex in its shallowest of forms.  

Pleasure is good, touching is good, coming together as humans or even exploring one's own self is good. But not at the expense of enjoying the rest of what life has to offer. When this chakra is in good working order, a person's creativity blooms, they feel strong in their sexual identity, they enjoy the release that emotions and sensations have to offer, and they do not fight against their feelings. For women, especially, this is a creative center as it lies within the womb area of our bodies. Even if a woman chooses not to, or has no occasion to, have a child, her uterus is one of the most creative places inside of her. It is in a state of change and hormonal cycling, always growing and losing and starting over again. Painful periods and trouble menstruating may cause blockage in the second chakra and, some believe, blockage in the second chakra can cause painful periods and trouble menstruating. I think this last bit is incredibly interesting. We know that emotions bring on physiological reactions in a person (anger causes tension, adrenaline; grief brings tears, tightness of chest, pain, aches, soreness, etc.) so who's to say how much of our period pain comes from oxygen deprived muscle tissue and how much of it stems from improperly balanced second chakra? Something to think about anyway.

Bills, Maps, and the Lessons of Water

I got the bill finally from the whole hospital fiasco.  As it stands I'm over $5,000 in debt to Kootenai Health.  Next step is to go in and get the debt settled as much as possible.  In other news, I've been applying like mad for some other job.  It's so frustrating because I do really enjoy my job and I really love some of the people I work with.  But I can't survive on nothing and that's pretty much what this job pays.  It's a blessing that I'm still getting the pay increase for now but soon that'll be gone just like my hours are pretty much gone and then I'll really be up shit creek.  

In other, other news: I drew a map for my dystopian novel and I'm really quite proud of it.  I am either going to use colored pencils or watercolor to give it some life but I think I want to make a copy/scan of it first just in case I totally ruin it in the effort of trying to make it pretty.  Like the image below.

Last night was the Spirituality Circle in Spokane.  We talked about the element of water and it was really interesting and got my creative juices flowing quite a bit.  I have a great many things I want to do so that I can incorporate water into my daily ritual for health in body and spirits. 

Talking about water at the Circle brought up some really cool memories for me.  Cool and humbling I should say.  When I first went to Germany to volunteer for the Girl Scouts Overseas, I learned to canoe down the Main River (pronounced like 'mine').  Starunner, Eeek, and I (my camp name was/is Quetzal) all joined forces as team Colorado during the test run down the river.  We boasted of our natural talents having come from the land of white water and how we were going to show our prowess as Canoe Queens.  Well, of course, Team Colorado tipped right on over into the river.  We were the only ones who tipped in fact.  A small lesson in humility. 

Another memory where water kicked this Virgo's ass was when I worked at another summer camp, this one was in Post Falls.  Hannah and I went to work for a summer camp program as one-on-one aides for young adults with specialized needs.  I worked with one young individual who was non-verbal, a bit prone to violence, and a complete water hater.  Well... one of the outings found us all at a lake.  There was canoeing.  So of course I wanted to get out there and play!  I spent about half an hour convincing my client that I wouldn't let him get wet, that I was a professional at this.  And finally he let me lead him to the dock and then carefully down into the canoe.  He was doing well.  But then I stepped down into the rocking boat and it was all overboard from there.  I found myself standing almost knee deep in lake muck with a six foot teenager clinging to me for dear life much like a cat when faced with a bath.  He was not happy.  Hannah's clients however found it hilarious.  I was actually really proud of my client that day - he didn't freak out on me or get violent, he just stared at me with sad puppy eyes while I got him out of the lake and got him cleaned up.