Posting for three days of Tarot and August Break

I did actually keep up with the Tarot draws and the August Break during my three day weekend. I just didn't have the time or the energy to post much. So here goes:

Day 26: Oranges (I chose to go the literal route)

I put some oranges outside around my cute baby Blue Spruce. This was while I was at my mother's house making decorations for Hannah's cake. 

Day 26: Queen of Wands

I used the Mini Mucha Tarot Deck that my friend, Twin B, brought up with her for the weekend. This card relates to a fierce relationship with a mature and honest woman. I have many beautiful mature, honest women in my life but I think this day the card may have been reminding me to keep a good relationship with myself. I had a bit of a breakdown earlier that day and felt rather worthless and pathetic. So for the rest of that day I focused on being nicer to myself. 

Day 27: Little (little doodles in my past student planners, little doodles that make Hannah question her decision to marry me)

Day 27: The Hermit

"Ahead of us lies an open stage, a landscape of uncharted territory. This unknown opened land is inhabited by the hermit, who is here to seek enlightenment. It is important for each of us to experience silence and listen to our inner voices. The Phantasmagoric Theatre has closed and we must learn to make use of this valuable time to grow. The hermit transport us to a new landmark, allowing us to look more deeply within ourselves. A time of meditation is upon us. The hermit is a contemplative person.  He travels upon a historical stone and faces the past to better understand the future. The hermit represents a time for self inquiry."

Fiona did this reading for me via the telephone yesterday. She drew the Hermit from the Phantasmagoric Theatre Tarot. A nice change from wands and pentacles. This figure in the Major Arcana relates to us Virgos (hence the Astrological symbol on the Hermit's floating zen mat) and calls us to the alone-ness within. I had had a very hard day the day before and did find it necessary to do some introspection. 

Day 28: I am... (to finish the statement: I am David Bowie. Finally my shrine is complete sans a few quotes and a couple more pictures I'm still planning to add.) P.S. These pics were taken with a friends camera which is why they look somewhat decent and aren't made of suck.

Day 28: Page of Swords

I drew this card from the Cachet Tarot at a friend's apartment today. The Page of Swords represents an invitation to something. He is standing ready to accompany me to clarity and understanding. But this card also means that to gain clarity, I may have to go through a period of trials and tests. So part of this card is deciding how I want it to go down. I'm ready to go on this journey and the open window in the card speaks of opportunity and transparency and honesty, but when it comes down to it, do I really have the courage to use that sword in order to find what I'm looking for? However, I know I won't be alone. I need to trust my friends and family to support me when I make my move.

"I'm engaged to a Serial Killer" or "Cleaning Day with Amanda"

When I was in high school we had yearly student planners and while I did use them as planners I also used them as diaries/doodle pads/swear word generators/incriminating evidence lockers. By this I mean I filled my student planners with things that expressed my really exacerbated teenage angst. To add to the gore (both written and drawn) I was going through a marvelous serial killer phase at the time. My choice books were the A-Z serial killer reference books as well as detailed accounts of Jeffrey Dahmer and John Wayne Gacy. So of course my quotes and doodles were almost always grotesque. 

Tonight, while cleaning out the Bowie room (our library/spare bedroom) I decided it was time to get rid of these old student planners that I've been carting around with me all this time. But first I needed to flip through them to see who I was and reflect on who I've become. With Hannah beside me I thumbed through my high school year. All the calendar days were marked off so violently that the exes and scribbles left indents in about five of the following pages. At the beginning of each mother there was a doodle depicting something being eaten, vivisected, or exuding some sort of mucous. I drew guillotines and warped mermaid-centaurs, I wrote sonnets of nothing but four letter words worthy of a Quentin Tarantino film, I stuck several pages together with gum chewed by my classmates, and used red pen to make almost everything bleed.

As I went through these planners, marveling and giggling at how "fucked up" I was, Hannah's expression turned from concern to actual unease. She looked a bit shaken. "You're a fucking serial killer," she said and I assured her I wasn't. I told that these journals were from a time when I was dealing with teenage drama and suffering from a lack of proper medication. "But look how far I've come from that time," I told her. "Not that far," was her response. In my desperation to prove to her that I wasn't really that bad back then, I picked up a notebook from late high school/early college and scanned the fading pencil marks. "Hmm, let's see," I said and then, "Oh! That's right, these are the notes for my serial killer screenplay." At this point Hannah fled the room. 

I cornered her in the bedroom. "Hannah, you're still going to marry me though, right?" Because that's not a creepy thing to say to a woman who thinks you're a psychopath. "Amanda," she said, "I'm not sure I even want to sleep in the same bed as you!" Me: "But I swear I've never killed anyone!" Hannah: "Yet!" The moral of this story, wait the full ten years before you show your mate how truly fucked up you are; nine years is still too soon. 

I'm happy report we're sleeping in the same bed. The old student planners are gone now (or at least in the trash waiting removal) but I figure the trauma they've caused will last for a long time. Chaos, panic, and suspicion that one's mate might be a serial killer.... my work here is done. Excuse me as I giggle myself to sleep.   

Today is... Sundancing Day

For August Break the prompt was 'Today is....' and so to sum up today I have a picture of Narcisa with her mouse laser light toy nestled in her fur. She's played with it a lot today and is at the "I just don't have any more fucks to give" state. I reckon that's where I'm at too. 

Work is interesting at the moment. I hope tomorrow goes a bit more smoothly. It's barely Monday and I'm ready for Thursday again (which is my Friday). Right now Hannah and I are working on getting the house all organized for some serious writing but that is taking time and a lot more energy than I seem to have lately, 

For the tarot draw today I used an oracle called: Wisdom of the Hidden Realms.This is a deck our friend Fiona gave us recently. I drew the Sun Dancers card some of the tenets of this card are as follows: Expect the best and praise it in advance. Stay positive and leave the timing up to the Divine. All things are possible now. 

I agree with the card's advice and it's good to remind myself right now of staying positive. I'm having a weird emotional roller coaster at the moment and doubting almost everything. So many of the things I'd planned for this weekend, for today... just nothing. But tomorrow's a new day and I get to work on my goals again with improved attitude and determination. I shall find some fucks to give!

Green, Royo, Orc Story for Extra XP

Today's prompt for August Break was green. There is so much green everywhere I look that I sort of felt overwhelmed. I tend to overdo it with the pictures as it is so I wanted just a few really fun ones today. So a coworker, hearing of my green plight, offered up her cute bouncy froggy for my consideration and voila! We photographed the cute little frog in front of the giant pickle jar we have on our wall. We follow the 'give em the pickle' philosophy in our customer service department and so pickles are a major theme here. Figured the frog could enjoy some gherkins while bouncing around for the photo op. Also the pickles are nice and green.

For the Tarot draw today I used the Royo Dark Tarot. This is kind of a hard deck to read from (quite often the naughty images cause me some knee squeezing which makes it difficult to hone in on certain images and meanings) but I enjoy it immensely. The art is art done separately of the tarot deck and then edited to fit certain cards. I think, overall they did a really awesome job with it. And even if someone couldn't read very well from the deck it's nice to own it just as a means to have a mini gallery of 78 of Royo's pieces.

 

The control of strange forces. The triumph of meditation and discipline. Head to head, the interior and the exterior.

I drew the Knave of Cups. I couldn't find a really large image of this card so I'll share what I have and give my personal impression of the card. When I see this Knave of Cups I see a very naked woman - which isn't exactly unusual for Luis Royo's art. But what's neat here is that she's the symbol of emotional awakening. She's a Knave and so she's at the beginning of a journey and she's emotionally open (naked) to whatever comes her way. Also she is very calm and confident in herself (her inner calm) despite the intense emotions and intentions flying around her. I need to aim to be more like her and not let others' emotions invade and disrupt my inner peace. She is strong and armed but her biggest asset is her confidence. I'm need to relax the nagging in the back of my brain and ignore the nagging outside my brain and just have some faith in myself and the situation.

And lastly, because I felt this sort of fit in with the green theme, I'm going to share a very short and 'painful' to read story about my D&D character that I play during lunch times with the guys upstairs at my job. Our DM (because we were all pretty close to leveling up) gave us the chance to gain extra experience points if we each wrote a short piece about our respective characters. So without further ado, here's my terrible Lars narrative.

A Grammatically Atrocious History of Lars the Half-Orc Paladin

When Lars was puny child, Lars knew two things. First, he know earth worms really do taste like earth. And next he know Orc are enemy. Orcs are the reason I am the way I am. Why my brain doesn’t work right. Humans who raised Lars taught him about his brain and about all brains. Ego and Id and other stuff. They forgot to teach him what brains taste like though. So he learn that on his own. (Not quite earthworm, but not bad). Humans who raise Lars tell him: “Lars, don’t put that in your mouth.” They also tell me: “No hit, no bite.” But it hard not to hit. Hard not to bite. Humans make Lars so sad. And Orcs make Lars so MAD! Sometimes all he want to do is hit and bite forever. 

One day, people who raised Lars tell him, “Please leave.” They say Lars interrupts their peaceful ways. Say that Lars needs to find his own path. So Lars leave. But Lars not alone. He has his Lady with him. She is only friend he needs. But sometimes, I meet other animals. They like to hit and bite. They have weird brains. Same as Lars. They play with him. Great big wolves. Birds. Bores. I am kind to them. Sometimes I kill them and eat them. But even then, Lars not mean. He pray to the Wargod that the animal spirits forgive him. If they do not forgive, I will deal with that when I meet them in the afterlife. 

I am all grown now. Very big. And when Lars look in water and see himself looking back he think: “Hey, you not so ugly!” Not that Lars care. Lars only care about crushing his enemy. So I travel with Lady and we go hunting for things to kill. Not really looking for friends but sometimes Lars meets things he likes. He likes the things he travels with right now. I know their names! Which is big deal…. for Lars anyway. 

Es’rus likes to tease Lars. But Es’rus is girly elf boy and Lars not mind his teasing. Probably, elf is projecting his own fears and feelings of inadequacy onto Lars. But Lars like elf anyway. There is a shorty-short dwarf too. His name is Lehnard… but sometimes he is Dranhel (Lars suspect dissociative identity disorder). Dwarf likes to make dead things run. Dwarf also likes to bleed. Poor Dwarf. There is also a bulky humany thing. Kneel. He is strange. Likes to go first, likes to hit things. And likes anything shiny. Lars think it sad that Kneel tries to fill loneliness with money. But, uh, Lars have to admit it sure is fun to open treasure chests! I love surprises. Even if they bite back. Lastly is Loot’gar. He is really amazing ranger… who leads us a to bunny-wearing-man-eating tree stump. Poor Loot’gar learned what it look like on the inside of that stump. I think he still sees the inside of the stump whenever he sleeps. Lars notice him twitch sometimes and mutter, “fucking bunnies,” under his breath. 

Yeah, this is best group. Just like Pinkie Pie is best pony. And unless we get eaten by wall puke, or sucked dry by flying bat-bugs, or run out of shiny things, Lars think, “hey, we make a good team.” And Lars usually right. Especially about earthworms. Taste like earth. 

~ Lars

Chibi Half Orc by Alanwakeup

Day 2 of Work and Day 12 of Creative October

So work is going pretty well. I have the bus stuff pretty figured out and tomorrow, I hope, I'll be getting my bus pass so that I don't have to keep coming up with change each morning and afternoon. Goodwill Working Solutions offered to pay the first 2-4 months of my bussing for me and I'm definitely taking them up on it. The passes from work are only $25 a month instead of the usual $45 from the bus station. It's a good deal for all of us! Anyway, while I'm learning lots and lots about customer service in the circulation department, the building is still quite a mystery to me. I tend to spend my lunches on the roof terrace surrounded by gargoyles. Please enjoy some pictures from my new "lunchroom." 

The Knitting Factory is a popular place for concerts in Downtown Spokane.
It's right behind my work. See the gargoyle feet on the ledge?!

Roof parking on the building next to us. Also a pretty cathedral.

A nice view of Sprague, which is the road behind my work.

Gargoyles! And in the distance are the smokestacks attached
to a very cool restaurant that I want go to someday.

Another shot of the smokestacks as well as a view of downtown
Spokane and the horizon of the South Hill area.

A long shot of Monroe Avenue, the road leading away from my work.

A side view of the beasts. The gargoyles are nicknamed "Printing Devils"
in honor of the novices in the printing business who tended to cause problems.

As for Creative October, I'm counting the photography of the gargoyles as one project. I need three total to be caught up so here's two more and I'm golden! Second project: I made my work journal nifty and pretty. I learned that writing bus times is obnoxious and I also learned having multiple different colored pens at your disposal is pretty much the best thing in the world. Also I learned that I miss my other journal. I still have some room left in it but now I worry that it won't get filled all the way before I really attack my work one. I already did a journal entry for today in it! In purple even.

This is the information for taking alternative transport to work and how
you can win prizes for choosing to reduce your carbon footprint.

I drew all the icons I'll be using as I navigate the software for the paper.
Also I added a few fun stickers, but mostly this is my crappy insta-art.

Calendar and pay periods. I added some Captain America and Monster High.
And some My Little Pony because I couldn't resist.

HR and other contact information. In style!

Third Project: Manifestation Board. What did I learn? I learned that I apparently really need some intimacy in my future life. Also I need to write. I've been writing in my journal and blogging but that isn't really getting the big things done. I knew that I needed a break from it after graduation but it really is time to get back into gear again. I need to work on short stories and novels and keep trying to get published. I feel that the more stable job, plus the option of having my own home, will help me get some writing out eventually. I finished this project and feel pretty good about it. Had to download Paint.net to get the job done, but it was worth it.

Dungeons and Dragons and Foursomes, oh my!

So Hannah and I have been playing Dungeons and Dragons (D&D) with the neighbors. And we all have wonderfully abandoned and traumatized characters going on a quest for an elemental stone. We have a great time while playing and I love that we do it outside. It feel more primal that way. And outside is just awesome in general.

A likeness for Hannah's Elven Wizard: Sarathiel

A likeness for the Neighbor's Half-Elf Figher: Anastrasie

 Something fun to note from our game playing adventures: my character had a gay foursome with servants in a Holy City. This is the first time a D&D character of mine has ever had sex in game! It was really strange to have to freedom to do so and it thus solidified my character as the slut in the group.

Here's the figurine for my character, holding a DIRE TORCH!

Prettiful Dice!

My character is a half-elf Barbarian bodyguard and apparently he is more than happy to guard the whole body. He is also bisexual which makes it fun when the other two characters (both female) see a cute guy and get all starry eyed and he joins in. He also thinks his traveling companions are hot. And at first he wanted to get to know them much better but now he thinks of them as sisters. Which is good. Because they all come from fucked up backgrounds and need some stable and semi normal emotional attachments at this point. Never before has D&D been such a therapy session. I love it. 

This is a likeness for my Half-Elf Barbarian: Belafax

Recently, my character died. So did Hannah's character. But my neighbor's character (bless her little salt-mine heart) brought us to an Elven city and resurrected us. I am now permanently deathly pale and Hannah's character now has turrets. Which is going to be wonderful when she tries to charm someone or use her charisma and ends up calling them a pig-fucker. 

Our DM has backstories for each character that will eventually play into the main story-line. Right now I'm full of theories! My character woke up at 15 with a headache and no memory of his life before. He found his name on the items he had with him. He was raised on the streets of Coll and grew up to take pleasure when it presents itself because the alternative is usually pain. He's never really had any friends of family to speak of until he signed up for this elemental stone quest. Now he has two sisters (or he thinks of them that way) but he just found out that he has brothers out there and apparently they are looking for him. (He may or may not have a few little love children out there as well but we'll leave them out of it for now,) So I theorize he's actually a prince or something. But we shall see.