Halloween Oracle and Plans

This the new attraction at Scarywood this year and Hannah and I are excited to check it out!

This October Hannah and I will celebrate our 1st anniversary as a married couple. It will be our 11th year as a couple. I have to figure out some sort of anniversary gift for my human and I'm a sucker for old traditions so I'm contemplating a 'paper' gift as that is the customary symbol/gift of the first year of marriage. Our friends are giving us a lovely gift of taking us to Silverwood Theme Park's Scarywood on the actual day of the anniversary, the thirteenth. Leading up to that I have three days off from work and I think Hannah has some fun themed things planned. We're broke at the moment so our fun will have to be free or cheap until the payday on the twelfth (and that is the first time I think I've ever  written out the word for 12th and holy crap it looks weird!). So I'm looking forward to having some Hannah time and seeing what sorts of mischief we can get into. Now for the daily Halloween Oracle draw.

To bloom and blossom, the work must be done.
Through fire and ashes, our fortune it comes.

Wednesday the 3rd I drew the Skull of Flowers again. This is after extensive shuffling and cutting. So obviously there's a lesson or an energy that I need to be aware of. I'm going to write the full card meaning in here so that my fingers and brain can ponder what this card really means for me. 

Before flowers are born, they are sweet buds on a plant that came from a smaller form like a seed or a bulb. The seed needs prepared, nourishing soil to grow to its potential. Some plants and trees only seed after fire or a period extreme adversity like drought or flood. 

Sometimes we wish for a life different from the one we have and that can mean radical change. Sometimes to have that new life, everything falls apart to make it so - and that can be uncomfortable. We may lose our relationships or they may change. We might lose a job, have to move house or become ill - all big events that lead to a reassessment of the 'how' of our lives. 

The Skull of Flowers illustrates that there is a sureness and yet a rawness to creating again, to starting afresh. Sometimes the universe gives us a blank slate to work from, so we can build what we really want, rather than just settling for less. The Skull of Flowers celebrates not just a kind of phoenix energy but an energy of success and full bloom through adversity. 

So essentially I really need to eat shit before I can have my cake. Fair enough. It stands to reason that wading through muck will eventually get you to dry land and your legs, though tired, will be stronger for it. So I suppose this card is telling me to hang in there in a way. This time of year is very difficult for me as the darkness hyper charges my depression something fierce. Maybe that's why this card has shown up twice: to tell me that I'll get through to the other side and that I'll come out stronger and better for my journey. 

The stones they mark, The eternal resting place
Yet the spirits they are walking, and they are ready for the chase!

Thursday the 4th I drew the Graveyard card. This card delves into unnecessary fears. This is particularly appropriate for me as this time of year crushes my confidence and fills me with a plethora of fearful thoughts and hypothetical ends. I tend to constantly worry that my loved ones are going to die or that I'm going to die, or that I'm going to get into trouble at work, and I imagine random acts of violence befalling my family or property. I do need to 'chill the fuck out' and relax. Just because the days are shorter doesn't mean I need to fear the unknown. So far my home has been very safe and comfortable. The people I know and love are safe and sound. I need to stop letting bad thoughts in and I especially need to stop letting bad thoughts out.

Silverwood, Sherman Alexie, Impromtu Idaho

Two weekends ago the twins came up from Moscow and we had a really great time. I didn't get to do anything for them on their birthday in March so instead, we all went to Silverwood with my mom and we spent the day looking at all the cute little shops, riding many of the rides (Corkscrew, Timber Terror, Tremors, Panic Plunge, Tilt-a-Whirl, Roundup, and the wave pool of Boulder Beach Bay), and relaxing. We enjoyed tea and coffee at the Victorian Coffee House and while sitting outside under a tree, were blessed with a view of hundreds upon hundreds of bumble bees buzzing around the blooms of the tree. It was a nice scene. Lots of walking (over five miles!). Lots of people playing Pokemon Go. 

When we got back to my place, Hannah was cooking us a nice meal. The twins and I decided to run to the hot tub and soak for a bit since we were sun burnt and sore. While there I took off my engagement ring and the ring of Hannah's that I'd been wearing for the past ten or so months. I set them beside the hot tub and forgot them when we all left a bit later. I remembered pretty quickly that I'd left them and rushed no more than twenty minutes later but the rings were already gone. I'm trying to get my apartment managers to watch the footage and help me track down my rings but I don't really think they give a shit. Meh. I'm angry at myself for losing the rings and trying to make it a lesson against materialism. Except... it was one of Hannah's rings that I lost too. And that one is the one I'm really sad about losing. 

That week at work, a few things happened. Firstly, we finished moving our department from the lobby level to the third level. It's going to take some time to adjust I think, but so far I like it. Not sure what the future holds for me right  now, but I'm going to just embrace impermanence and live in the now. Right now I have A, B, and C. I won't worry D until D comes to pass. Nothing lasts forever and all we really truly have are the moments happening this instant. 

And speaking of nothing lasting forever, on Thursday, my supervisor's father passed away. I guess technically he entered a vegetative state. I'll know more about all of that later but for now, my heart really goes out to my supervisor. She is a very sweet person and a total daddy's girl. I cried for her the night after I heard about what she's going through. That same day, another coworker learned that her mother's cancer had come back. So it was not a good day for a lot of us. I was in a funk. That night I went to Stitch and Witch feeling distant and weird and it made Hannah really upset that I was so out of it. Once I got in there though and did some shitty coloring (and oh man was it shitty!) I felt a bit better. Also I got to see my favorite Free Mason there and he did a neat Tarot Name reading for me. I love hearing him talk about the Tarot and love his kind, soft energy. I'm really glad he came to Stitch and Witch and I hope he keeps coming. 

On Friday, as I walked to work from the Plaza stop, I saw a sign outside the Bing Crosby theatre announcing that Sherman Alexie would be reading there that night. So instantly, my Friday night plans were made. I had Hannah meet me downtown after work. We grabbed a quick shitty meal at McDonald's and then saddled up for the show/reading. It was exactly what I needed. Brought back all the good memories of the MFA program and restored in me some of my old passion for the written word. I've been very depressed and lackluster about writing lately but seeing Sherman, listening to him, watching him move and engage the crowd. Getting his signature. It was a great evening. That night I slept pretty well. Satisfied after spending the evening with Sherman Alexie. And it was good that I slept well because I was wearing an oxygen tester on my index finger. It's the first step to finding out if part of my overall health and attention issues are due to sleep apnea. I don't want to have sleep apnea, but if I do have it, I want to be treated immediately. I want my energy back!

The next day, Hannah, Fiona and I all went to the Perry Street Fair. I went mainly for the Buddhist Temple Open House but it was fun to see all the vendors and feel the creative energy. Unfortunately I was already starting to get sick so I didn't get quite as excited and inspired as usual when I go to things like these. However, there was a strange and endearing moment: Hannah had left me for the car and Fiona was up the road checking out the rest of the vendors and I had managed to find myself in a little throng of people watching a street magician. He was wearing all orange and had a dry, understated sense of humor that really worked for him. I love magic shows. I know there is a trick to it... I know that there is some kind of mechanical answer to every mystical feat but I don't fucking care. Bring on the illusion and deception and the magic! This orange street magician was pretty fun. At one point he nailed a giant nail into his nasal cavity and this he told us wasn't actually a magic trick, that it was a carnival thing and then he kept starting and stopping so much that his audience was about to have a heart attack. A tall man beside he grabbed my arm and asked if it was okay if he clung to me during the trick. I said yes. So we watched and sure enough the man hammered the nail straight into his head via the sinus. It was so weird and I loved it. 

By Saturday night I was feeling pretty goddamn awful health-wise. It felt like I was getting bronchitis, you know... like I always do. And so I drank lots of fluids, took 1000 units of Vitamin C and headed to bed at about 9 or so. But it was awful and I couldn't sleep. Finally close to 3AM I texted my boss telling her I wasn't sure if I was going to make it. I did get about an hour and a half of sleep before dragging my ass into work. I kept a running dialogue with my boss via text. She was checking up on me, making sure I was doing okay. Well I survived the work day and then drove home. Only I was so out of it that I passed my Pines exit. Passed three other exits. Passed Liberty Lake. And then saw a "Welcome to Idaho" sign. Apparently my sick brain had decided to go to my parent's house for a while. 

So I went to see my Dad, my Mom was at my Aunt's house. And Dad took care of me, put me to bed, brought me tea, patted my back during a coughing fit. Ellie Bellie, the black Persian, also played the Nurse. She kept curling up with me in the bed. I maybe got another hour of sleep before I couldn't take laying flat anymore. Dad was so cute. He was going to pull out more chicken from the freezer so that I could stay for dinner but I told him I had to be getting back so Hannah wouldn't worry about me. He managed to make me stay longer, however, by tempting me with a corndog. But after the corndog, and the microwaved quesadilla, and the coffee, and more Ellie cuddles, and conversation about how horrible people are (we were watching the News), Dad finally let me go.

That evening while watering the pumpkin plant, I found an infant bird. It looked as if it had fallen out of the tree while trying to fly or had somehow been injured. We put in a large box with a towel to keep it comfortable. A friend of ours who knows a bit about birds told us that was the best thing to do. That the parents would come for it later if it was meant to live. The next morning it was dead. 

Busy times, an update on life in general and the Bucket List

It has been incredibly busy. My counterpart, the Hannah, has mentioned some of this business in her blog, but I wanted to recap it a little here. It's been sort of nonstop, go, go, go for a while and today being the Fourth and all I wanted to just slow things down a little and reminisce. We've sold the Jeep. Our friend has a tiny bit left to pay on it, but more than that I'm super excited for it to be alive again so that she doesn't have to keep renting Uhaul trucks to move her Kettle Korn stuff from place to place and also because I feel the Jeep is somewhat safer and more reliable than the old yellow truck that she'd been using before. So knowing she's safer makes me happy.

After selling the Jeep however, Hannah and I got a real wild hair to go and trade in the Kia but right now it just isn't going to work. We had a bit of a meltdown last Thursday about all of that. Being without my depression meds for a while certainly didn't help. On Friday we went with mom to Silverwood. I love that place. For me it is a clean slice of a different world: Victorian and elegant yet rugged and rustic. And I love all the flowers. I never noticed flowers before as much as I do now. I think being able to plant in the back yard has really changed my perspective on green things. My Kettle Korn friend calls me a Green Witch. I just might be. 

On Saturday Hannah and I went to our friend's house for soap making. Hannah made soap. I attempted to write for NaNo and ended up taking a much needed nap in a comfy as hell recliner. I worked the next morning (not too many issues) and then we returned to said friend's house for a round of gaming. I really enjoy this group of people and hope that I don't ever get too weird or obnoxious for them. I know that I often lack the 'okay you're going too far' self warning. I think as I get back on my meds properly I either won't A) be as obnoxious or B) won't worry as much about it knowing that my friends love me for who I am. 

Today I worked the Holiday at work and everything went very well except for the fact that the phones weren't working for about an hour. Even so it went very smoothly. When I got home though, I did something I regret a bit... I curled up on the bed in the bedroom and napped the fuck out of the afternoon. It wasn't particularly restful sleep but it was tremendously comforting because for the entire time that I was napping, Narcisa was right there with me. I think she knew I needed a nap companion and I think she knew I was a bit out of sorts. Tonight Hannah and I are going to watch a movie and enjoy Butter Chicken. I don't work until 8 tomorrow, which is awesome and also sucks. I love getting done at 4 but on the other hand I've been working from 7 until 5 for the past two weeks, so just doing a regular 8 hour day (with one hour for lunch) is going to be a real treat I reckon. I only have to make it through Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. And then I can have some more fun this weekend. I'm trying to cram in as much fun as possible. Rest is great but going out and doing stuff, getting some Vitamin D, socializing... these things are helping me reboot for the work week more than anything right now.

Also, here is a quick update of the Bucket List for Summer of 2016: So far I've only managed to cross off camping and star gazing and one time for Silverwood. My goal for Silverwood is three. I'll be closer to that goal after this weekend though. I really do enjoy that damn park. It's incredibly nostalgic for me.