Back to the Books!

Hannah and I are picking out books for each other to read as a sort of "Wifey Book Club." The book I selected for Hannah is The Alchemy of Stone by Ekaterina Sedia and the book she selected for me was one that she read many times as a young adult (and it is the book that got her really excited about story-telling and becoming a writer): Mara, Daughter of the Nile by Eloise Jarvis McGraw. I haven't read The Alchemy of Stone yet but I picked it for Hannah because it looked very much like something she would enjoy, but she picked Mara for me because she wanted to share a very important memory and piece of her past with me. I'm delighted she picked it. I had tried to read it once before and wasn't feeling it, however this time around I ate it up hungrily.

Last night I did something I haven't done in a very, very long time: I stayed up past my bedtime to read. Don't get me wrong I stay up later all the time (because I'm so responsible!) but it's usually to chit-chat with Hannah or to watch a show or something like that. It's been ages since a book has kept me up. It felt really exhilarating to get carried away by the written word again. So I didn't wait for Hannah to pick the next one. I chose one she had recommended to me a while ago: The Seventh Tower series by Garth Nix. 

This series has been on my mind for two reasons: 1)I'm excited to read this author and 2) it's called the Seventh Tower series but there are only six books. This bothers me greatly! I realize that the name is due to there being seven towers of interest in this fantasy setting. And I realize that Garth only needed six books to tell his tale. But damn. It would have felt so incredibly satisfying if there had been just one more book. That aside, I am excited to get back to reading. And then... back to writing. Gotta work my muscles, my mind, my imagination, my everything so I can start getting my brain back in the game. 

Flower Power: A Divine Pair

This past full moon (Wednesday, May, 10th) I led a small ritual with a few friends. We were trying out a new space and just sort of getting a feel for the land spirits as well as trying to tame a bit of the magical chaos we had all been feeling lately. We celebrated the full flower moon with candles, sage, flowers, and a water centered magical activity. I had planned to write out a meditation to lead but as I began writing it felt off somehow. So, instead, I selected a Plant Ally Meditation from Youtube that I believed would encompass what I wanted to achieve with the meditative portion of the celebration. It probably would have. But it was recorded too softly for us to be able to utilize it during the ritual. I was faced with either improvising a meditation or scrapping it. 

Thank the Goddess I chose to wing it. I did a Plant Ally Guided Meditation that took us into a dark and thriving forest to a small plant hidden within a rotting log. We each drew our respective plant-life from the decay and formed a bond with the spirit inhabiting the flower. After the meditation I asked everyone what their flower was and what the spirit looked like. It was really neat to hear everyone's experience. Magically I was able to relax enough, even while speaking, to find my own flower. At first I wasn't sure what it was but it was a red full bloom, thin, tissue-like petals. I realized it was a poppy. This surprised me as my favorite flowers are Bleeding Hearts, Tulips, and Fuchsia. So I tucked this away, planning to look into the symbolism and the 'why' later. Hannah's flower was a blue daisy. Again a bit of a surprise since she's an Orchid and Rose girl all the way. 

Hannah learned later that the Daisy is Freyja's flower. It was sweet, like the goddess was waving to Hannah saying, "I'm still here with you!" 

The fact that flower was blue in Hannah's meditation is also interesting. It's one of the most calming colors in chromotherapy. It is also healing and it is the leading favorite color of the human race. It is above us and below us and universal. When I think Daisy I automatically think white so the blue was very deliberate. To be honest I didn't think blue daisies actually existed outside Hannah's meditation. I was wrong. They are quite real and quite lovely.

Inspired by Hannah's flower Ally and symbolism, I did a little research into the meaning behind the Poppy flower. The Poppy, of course, produces the poppy seed which leads to opium and all sorts of sleep inducing highly addictive substances. But the archetypal correspondence for the flower is actually Morpheus, the Greek god of Dreams. Which is rather appropriate as my last name literally translates into: the dreamer. 

I'm a huge fan of Neil Gaiman's Sandman series and of dream analysis/divination and mythology in general. One of my stories deals with a Baku which is benevolent creature from Japanese folklore that survives by eating dreams, specifically nightmares. 

When I was younger I had vivid reoccurring dreams about an old robed woman who came down every night to make sure my family was asleep and if were caught awake, she would kill us presumably. It was a terrible dream, one which I had every night for months and months. Looking back on it now I wonder if it was my fear of mortality already creeping in at the tender young age of 6. Many of my dreams live on in story form or help me to create characters. So, long story short, the Poppy seems a very apropos Ally. 

Here's where it gets really interesting though:

For about two weeks I've been working as a freelance transcriber through Rev.com. It's not a huge amount of pay but I figure I can bring in an extra $25 or so a week and get a few side bills paid down (or, more than likely, put it all toward wedding expenses). Well, the other night I had a job that gave me some pause. As a transcriber we are supposed to type what we hear and not correct things that are misspoken by the speakers. Well I had a speaker say an author's name but she said it way off. I discovered the correct name and was debating on whether or not to put the correct spelling in or try to phonetically tackle the speakers gross mispronunciation. So I went to the forums on the site to see if anyone else had asked a similar question.

I didn't find my question but I fell down an immediate rabbit hole. There were so many interesting topics and threads. After perusing for a few minutes I stumbled upon a thread of a transcriber asking for help listening to a 3 second sound bit to see if anyone could pick out a certain word. The content dealt the energy and balance and the goddess. So of course I was curious! I clicked on the link to the audio and found that it was actually a video recording. I saw a woman speaking to a camera and thought nothing much of it until I noticed what was behind her: poppies and blue daisies.

Until that moment I would never have thought that red poppies and blue daisies could be a thing. Hell, I didn't even know blue daisies were a thing until researching them after Hannah's meditation. Shocked and inspired by this, I went on a google search to see if I couldn't find a picture of the painting behind the woman (you know, on the off chance that it was a classic or well known painting). I didn't find the painting but what I did find was further evidence of the marriage between red poppies and blue daisies.

Apparently these two flowers pair up nicely on many fabrics and prints. Perhaps a more popular pairing is poppy with cornflower or poppy with white daisy, but there was enough red poppy and blue daisy to convince me that not only is this combination a thing, it must somehow stem from some kind of archetypal knowledge. How random for Hannah to see a blue daisy and how utterly strange for me to pick a poppy. And yet, maybe it wasn't random or strange at all. Maybe it was just what we needed. I'm not entirely certain yet what the synchronicities mean for me or Hannah, but I know there is meaning and I find deep comfort in that.

Witchcraft by the Book - Some Thoughts

So I've been studying some good old fashioned Witchcraft via "The Inner Temple of Witchcraft" by Christopher Penczak. I am one chapter in and I have a few things to say: 1) I'm not sure I agree with him that you have to study and have understanding of the basics of why and how before you can actually write, perform, and truly feel rituals and spells; 2) I love the idea that the term "witch" does not trap you or pigeonhole you, but instead opens you up to an infinite number of possibilities of spiritual and vocational roles; 3) at the end of chapter 1 he invites us to define witch for ourselves and I would like to share that now. 

Witch, for me, is anyone who actively works with nature and the archetypes of the divine to sow healing and wisdom into the world. I fully expect my definition to change over time. In fact, it may change by the end of the second chapter. But for now that is how I define the term of witch and I think it does its part in waylaying of our society's skewed perception of the word. The thing is, a great many people are witches who would never call themselves 'witch' and that is perfectly fine. But it should also be perfectly fine for anyone who is a witch to be able to call themselves that. As it stands now, we will never have a witch for President (not that most witches would want to be, but you never know), and we'll never have a witch at the Head of the Department of Education. Or at least we'll never have an outed witch in these roles, but considering what a witch is... wouldn't it be lovely to have one running the county? I certainly think so. But I digress. 

As for the first thing I mentioned from the reading: I do not believe you have to have a core understanding of the logistics, terms, and meanings in order to be successful in writing spells and rituals. And I certainly don't believe you have to 'know' about witchcraft in order to benefit greatly from attending a ritual. Yes, the more we know the better. But the first few times I attended ritual with the IEPG I didn't know anything about any of it. I knew the term Wicca and I knew that Wiccans didn't believe in the Judea-Christian Satan figure. That would be the extent of what I thought I knew. And even that was wrong... because it's not a matter of 'believing in' or 'not believing in.' Eclectic witches, who may or may not be Wiccan, may or may not utilize the archetype of Devil (for example: the Devil card in tarot) in their practices. Or in the case of myself, I enjoy the Judeo-Christian myths and archetypes as part of the global mythos of the world I inhabit. So, essentially, (Socrates moment here) I really didn't know anything. And I still don't. Knowing is different from knowledge and knowledge is different from wisdom all of that is very different from feeling. I had a very profound experience the first few rituals I attended and the intensity of discovery continued during New Moon discussions and other discussions/classes through the IEPG. I learned that I wanted to learn more but even without delving too deep into the etymology of words, the 'how' behind spell crafting, and the 'traditions' of ritual working, I was already up and running. I feel that a great deal of my personal growth has come from learning on my own. Yes I ask questions and yes I go to my trusted witchy friends for extra guidance and help but I never let me lack of knowledge of the basics hold me back. I do not know if my experience is a unique one or if many people come at their path with blind faith and a running start. But I know that for me I didn't need to know a lot about ritual to know that I wanted... needed... to lead some. 

I will add a caveat here. Perhaps I did have all the traditional learning and 'basics' knowledge necessary through my Catholic upbringing. Catholicism is just a hop away from mysticism and just a god/dess short of paganism. I learned about ritual and 'spell' working through Catholic mass. I learned about conjuring/incantations during the transubstantiation of the bread into flesh and the wine into blood. I came to learn of Holy days and also developed an understanding of cross pollination of religion as my Catholic congregation took great pains to pay homage to the Jewish Passover ritual every year around Easter time. So perhaps I was lucky in that I did have a knowledge of the basics necessary to have a profound experience during my first Pagan rituals. But regardless, I believe that a feeling (or a calling) toward rituals and spells comes from the collective subsconscious of humanity. While we may not know the terms for what we are doing and we may not know the reasons we do them in this way, many of us are performing witchcraft just fine. 

That is one of the reasons I wanted to do the spell challenge for this month. The best way for me to learn and grow is through coupling book learning with hands on trial and error. Some of these spells are going to suck, let's just face that. But I think that as I continue to work through my fifteen, I will learn invaluable lessons that I can apply to not only spell writing but to other aspects of witchcraft and daily life.

A day late: August Break 6 and Arthurian Advice on Cats

I wrote most of this blog last night but was just too tired to post it. Sorry, it's coming a day late but here you go:

We never made it down to the family reunion. We called Mom on Friday and asked her if it would be okay to skip and she said not to worry about it. The truth is, before we ever even left for the trip I had a bad gut feeling about the drive a sort of vision of us crashing into the river. Probably just being a worry-wort. Well Hannah also had a really bad feeling about the drive. And when we got to the Twins' house they sort of begged and pleaded for us to stay. And we got a text from our friend Fiona asking if we were alright and if we'd made it to the family reunion. Turns out she'd have a horrible nightmare about the situation and was worried about us. With all of this negative worry concerning the trip down to Kamiah, Hannah and I opted to stay and play an extra day with the Twins and then head home as planned. So that's exactly what we did. Today we went to a farmer's market and ate some really fun foods. We watched the second movie that we rented the night before and we visited Hastings again for a second pillage of the discounted goods. 

For August Break, the prompt today was "I'm reading...." and I don't have a really swell picture to show (at least not one that I took myself - the Blackberry can only do so much!) but here is what I've been reading yesterday and today: Phntasmagoria by Ian Daniels. This is the book that accompanies the Vampire Tarot Deck. There are several cool things about this deck and book. It goes past the regular tarot meanings and speaks to your astrological signs as well as your Vampire Clan and Court. The book helps you make a Vampire Profile for yourself so that you can use the cards to better examine personal issues and track your progress in dealing with large projects or decisions. It's really cool. The book also talks about how the Major Arcana relate to the Sephirots of the Tree of Life. 

Now as much as I am in love with this book and the new deck, I'm going to hold off on doing a daily draw from this deck until a little later in the month. For today I drew from Legend: The Arthurian Tarot. This deck belongs to Twin B who is a really huge on Arthurian Lore. I drew the Six of Spears (wands). 

The Return of Ambrosius:
Upright: A deserved victory; accolades; resolution of a problem; success achieved by hard work and careful planning; endearing supporters.

Reversed: Apprehension; low morale; inconclusive results.

When I picked this card I had a very specific question in mind. I was asking about our decision to bring a new kitty into the household. I don't want to upset Narcisa (which is inevitable with Queen kitties) but at the same time we really want to expand our family. The card for me immediately spoke of something coming home. A cat perhaps. And we've been looking at a little Russian Blue baby in Rathdrum and also an orange tabby. This card is covered in blue and orange hues. If Ambrosius is the cat then it's clear that the Blue Russian will be coming home with us. But it is an orange flag hailing the victor's return. I feel like this card says go for it. Be victorious. Your supporters will be there for you. The kingly figure of Ambrosius looks a little weary, but after a hard fought victory it makes  sense for the hero to be a little on the solemn side. This card warns that victory, that decision making, isn't without consequence. If you win; someone else loses. This is going to be a long haul with Narcisa keeping her happy with our decision but in the end I think we can meet a happy middle ground. 

Here are some fun pictures from yesterday that don't really cover the August Break prompt but definitely satisfy the August Break purpose: stop and smell/photograph the fun!

Hannah sitting by the fountain in downtown Moscow, ID. We went to the Farmer's Market on Saturday.

Note the size of these chess pieces. That is a child in the picture and the pieces are almost as big as he is! These were for sale at the Farmer's Market and if I were a rich Manda I'd have me a set of ginormous chess set right now!

These spices were formulated based on the four elements. The witch in me needs these! But the poor girl in me says I'll make my own set and put cute symbols on the bottles. What a great idea though! I love this set of spices. If I could find them cheaper as a set online I think I would go ahead and grab them.

Huckleberry Crispin. Can't wait to try it later with Hannah.

A little piece of sunshine. Love this pretty flower.

Some more pretty flowers from downtown Moscow area.

Blue flowers outside the Starbucks in the Vandal Store on the U of I campus. This is where Twin B works.

Silverwood, Sherman Alexie, Impromtu Idaho

Two weekends ago the twins came up from Moscow and we had a really great time. I didn't get to do anything for them on their birthday in March so instead, we all went to Silverwood with my mom and we spent the day looking at all the cute little shops, riding many of the rides (Corkscrew, Timber Terror, Tremors, Panic Plunge, Tilt-a-Whirl, Roundup, and the wave pool of Boulder Beach Bay), and relaxing. We enjoyed tea and coffee at the Victorian Coffee House and while sitting outside under a tree, were blessed with a view of hundreds upon hundreds of bumble bees buzzing around the blooms of the tree. It was a nice scene. Lots of walking (over five miles!). Lots of people playing Pokemon Go. 

When we got back to my place, Hannah was cooking us a nice meal. The twins and I decided to run to the hot tub and soak for a bit since we were sun burnt and sore. While there I took off my engagement ring and the ring of Hannah's that I'd been wearing for the past ten or so months. I set them beside the hot tub and forgot them when we all left a bit later. I remembered pretty quickly that I'd left them and rushed no more than twenty minutes later but the rings were already gone. I'm trying to get my apartment managers to watch the footage and help me track down my rings but I don't really think they give a shit. Meh. I'm angry at myself for losing the rings and trying to make it a lesson against materialism. Except... it was one of Hannah's rings that I lost too. And that one is the one I'm really sad about losing. 

That week at work, a few things happened. Firstly, we finished moving our department from the lobby level to the third level. It's going to take some time to adjust I think, but so far I like it. Not sure what the future holds for me right  now, but I'm going to just embrace impermanence and live in the now. Right now I have A, B, and C. I won't worry D until D comes to pass. Nothing lasts forever and all we really truly have are the moments happening this instant. 

And speaking of nothing lasting forever, on Thursday, my supervisor's father passed away. I guess technically he entered a vegetative state. I'll know more about all of that later but for now, my heart really goes out to my supervisor. She is a very sweet person and a total daddy's girl. I cried for her the night after I heard about what she's going through. That same day, another coworker learned that her mother's cancer had come back. So it was not a good day for a lot of us. I was in a funk. That night I went to Stitch and Witch feeling distant and weird and it made Hannah really upset that I was so out of it. Once I got in there though and did some shitty coloring (and oh man was it shitty!) I felt a bit better. Also I got to see my favorite Free Mason there and he did a neat Tarot Name reading for me. I love hearing him talk about the Tarot and love his kind, soft energy. I'm really glad he came to Stitch and Witch and I hope he keeps coming. 

On Friday, as I walked to work from the Plaza stop, I saw a sign outside the Bing Crosby theatre announcing that Sherman Alexie would be reading there that night. So instantly, my Friday night plans were made. I had Hannah meet me downtown after work. We grabbed a quick shitty meal at McDonald's and then saddled up for the show/reading. It was exactly what I needed. Brought back all the good memories of the MFA program and restored in me some of my old passion for the written word. I've been very depressed and lackluster about writing lately but seeing Sherman, listening to him, watching him move and engage the crowd. Getting his signature. It was a great evening. That night I slept pretty well. Satisfied after spending the evening with Sherman Alexie. And it was good that I slept well because I was wearing an oxygen tester on my index finger. It's the first step to finding out if part of my overall health and attention issues are due to sleep apnea. I don't want to have sleep apnea, but if I do have it, I want to be treated immediately. I want my energy back!

The next day, Hannah, Fiona and I all went to the Perry Street Fair. I went mainly for the Buddhist Temple Open House but it was fun to see all the vendors and feel the creative energy. Unfortunately I was already starting to get sick so I didn't get quite as excited and inspired as usual when I go to things like these. However, there was a strange and endearing moment: Hannah had left me for the car and Fiona was up the road checking out the rest of the vendors and I had managed to find myself in a little throng of people watching a street magician. He was wearing all orange and had a dry, understated sense of humor that really worked for him. I love magic shows. I know there is a trick to it... I know that there is some kind of mechanical answer to every mystical feat but I don't fucking care. Bring on the illusion and deception and the magic! This orange street magician was pretty fun. At one point he nailed a giant nail into his nasal cavity and this he told us wasn't actually a magic trick, that it was a carnival thing and then he kept starting and stopping so much that his audience was about to have a heart attack. A tall man beside he grabbed my arm and asked if it was okay if he clung to me during the trick. I said yes. So we watched and sure enough the man hammered the nail straight into his head via the sinus. It was so weird and I loved it. 

By Saturday night I was feeling pretty goddamn awful health-wise. It felt like I was getting bronchitis, you know... like I always do. And so I drank lots of fluids, took 1000 units of Vitamin C and headed to bed at about 9 or so. But it was awful and I couldn't sleep. Finally close to 3AM I texted my boss telling her I wasn't sure if I was going to make it. I did get about an hour and a half of sleep before dragging my ass into work. I kept a running dialogue with my boss via text. She was checking up on me, making sure I was doing okay. Well I survived the work day and then drove home. Only I was so out of it that I passed my Pines exit. Passed three other exits. Passed Liberty Lake. And then saw a "Welcome to Idaho" sign. Apparently my sick brain had decided to go to my parent's house for a while. 

So I went to see my Dad, my Mom was at my Aunt's house. And Dad took care of me, put me to bed, brought me tea, patted my back during a coughing fit. Ellie Bellie, the black Persian, also played the Nurse. She kept curling up with me in the bed. I maybe got another hour of sleep before I couldn't take laying flat anymore. Dad was so cute. He was going to pull out more chicken from the freezer so that I could stay for dinner but I told him I had to be getting back so Hannah wouldn't worry about me. He managed to make me stay longer, however, by tempting me with a corndog. But after the corndog, and the microwaved quesadilla, and the coffee, and more Ellie cuddles, and conversation about how horrible people are (we were watching the News), Dad finally let me go.

That evening while watering the pumpkin plant, I found an infant bird. It looked as if it had fallen out of the tree while trying to fly or had somehow been injured. We put in a large box with a towel to keep it comfortable. A friend of ours who knows a bit about birds told us that was the best thing to do. That the parents would come for it later if it was meant to live. The next morning it was dead. 

Creative October Challenge Begins

BIG THINGS HAPPENING FOR LOCAL BRA-FITTER 

by Yours Truly

     Earlier this week, a local woman, Amanda LaFantasie, finally landed a full-time job after months of searching. After earning her MFA in Creative Writing in July she wasn’t willing to settle for just anything. “I’ve always wanted to be involved in an industry that values the written word as much as I do,” she explains. Starting next week, Amanda will join the Circulation team at the Spokesman-Review, the leading newspaper of the Inland Northwest. She leaves behind a long standing career as a bra-fitter and customer assistant at L’eggs Hanes Bali. 

     When asked how she feels about the change she responded, “In some ways I’m terribly sad. I’ll miss my coworkers and store. I’ve spent three years of my life there. It was sort of a home away from home and I took a great deal of pride in my work. But then I’m also extremely relieved. This new job will open up doors for me that no amount of bra-fitting ever could.” What are these doors? As a writer, Amanda has high hopes to someday move out of circulation to become a content contributor or copy editor for the Spokesman-Review. However, she states, “Even if I don’t get to write and edit for the paper, I’m still going to work on my novels, and I think working in a building surrounded by other creative and productive individuals is going to be incredibly stimulating.” 

     There are other things she looks forward to as well. “They (my coworkers) seem geeky and fun. Total nerds. I know I’ll get along with them. Also the place is already completely decked out for Halloween. And I’ll even get to wear a costume on the 31^st. I love it!” Amanda’s friends and family are also excited. Her fiancé of eight years, Hannah Richardson, says, “This means a new beginning. A chance to start over in a new city. We’re finally on the fringes of being out of limbo.” Amanda and Hannah plan to move from their Post Falls residence, a residence the young women share with Amanda's parents, to an apartment in Spokane Valley sometime around Thanksgiving. “Having our own place is going to be our Christmas present this year. In fact, instead of gifts and cards, what I really would like is for our loved ones to help us cart our millions of books over to the new place,” Amanda says. She laughs and adds, “I guess I would settle for moral support instead. After all, Hannah and I want a vaulted ceiling which means third story. So book moving might be a bit much to ask.” 

     But this change comes with a few challenges as well. While working for L’eggs Hanes Bali, Amanda could easily drive to work in fifteen to twenty minutes and had ample free parking at her disposal. Now that she is employed by the Spokesman-Review, in order to get to work, she’s going to have to get creative. For the first two months she plans to take the bus via the Park-n-Ride option out of Liberty Lake. “It’ll save on gas and wear and tear. Won’t save on time, however,” she explains. “But that’s just until we can get enough saved up to move to Spokane. Then I’ll either take the Spokane Valley-Plaza Express, or buy a parking pass for the Cowles Company parking garage.” The latter option is $50 a month but offers guaranteed parking 24/7. “I can park there even when I’m not working,” says Amanda. “Like, for instance, if I wanted to go to a concert at the Knitting Factory, I could park near work and walk over. Much better than trying to find metered parking or worrying about a bus schedule.” 

     Despite transportation and parking being a bit of a challenge, she’s ready to face it for the benefits of working for such a prestigious company. With a bittersweet smile, Amanda looks toward the future. “I’ve sort of got the jitters. But I’m ready for structure and growth. I’m ready for a life.”

This is my creative craft project for Day 1 of the Creative October Challenge. This is a mock up article for no newspaper. But all the juicy stuff is in fact true! I wanted to create a newspaper article style blog post in honor of my new job working at the paper. To answer my three questions for the COC (Creative October Challenge): 1) What was my project? Mock Newspaper Article; 2) What did I learn? I learned that newspaper writing style puts a great amount of psychic distance between the writer and the audience; 3) Did I complete the project? Yes. 

Basic Update, Sandman, On Writing

I did not get the library job for the Spokane County. But there's a library job opening for Coeurd'Alene. So I'm applying to that tomorrow. Also I'm applying for the adjunct pool for North Idaho College. Read some tarot today and basically what I got out of it was that I need to freaking write. Just write! I have so much I need to do. This past month has been busier than anything--people in and out of the house and lots of extra stuff to do--so I'm a bit behind in my packet exchanges with E. Also this month, my friend Faith (which is her writer's nomdeplume) will be visiting. In fact, she's coming tomorrow. We're going to chat and be silly and talk about writing and publishing and all that good stuff. So, I'm hoping that by the time she leaves me the next week, I will be right back on the writing horse and ready to go! 

Recently I've been reading a crap ton of Neil Gaiman's "Sandman." It is quite amazing and I can't wait to read further. Also I'm going to check out "Morning Glory" which my friend recommended to me. In additional to all of this I'm going to read some David Levithan soon. I'm priming myself for publication in Cicada Magazine. I will most likely get a big fat rejection letter from them but I can hope, yes? So I'm doing all I can to get myself in the right mood. I figure, no matter what job I have, if I can actually make money by publishing then I will be living my dream a little and also feel more like I can provide for myself via my craft. And maybe someday... it will be my only job. Not a secondary job, not a side thing, not something I squeeze in between the day-to-day shifts. I would love that. So here's hoping for getting some shit out there soon.

In other news, I threw a few fits over the change to Windows 10. Probably I'll end up liking it, but dealing with the big change from 8.1 to 10 during a damn project was not fun. I'm working on the thank you notes for those who celebrated my graduation with me, as well as sending special and personalized notes to my mentors and directors at Solstice. I also need to work on a letter of recommendation for my friend who is applying. I have so much writing I need to do! It's exciting but a tad overwhelming. While my friend is here, she is going to be attending a conference for sci-fi writers. While she's busy with that, I'm thinking Hannah and I need to spend some time together (we've sort of lost touch with each other the last few months like ships passing in the night so to speak), and also do some serious writing, Loving the Stephen King book "On Writing" right now. And he says that the only thing you can't take lightly is the actual writing, He's right. I need to sit down and take every moment of it seriously. It is a blessing and a curse. I am ready to enjoy the telepathy of writing and finally reach my audiences.

Books, Books, and More Books!

Editing. That is what I have left for the intense part of the semester. Well and a little writing still. Which I'm going to work on a bit tonight. Basically I need to edit my annotated bibliography, my synopsis, and the last of the actual thesis. And then I'll be done with that part and can move onto the next bit which includes all the good stuff for the residency. I am excited for my class on dystopian world building and I'm really excited to get there and take some amazing classes with the people I've come to know and love. Also I have the best fucking ever wardrobe for this summer. I cannot wait to show it all off! My buddy, E, and I will be chic twins! 

I'm still incredibly sad that Hannah cannot go with me. I had hoped to make it work but financially it just isn't going to happen. But I am going to Skype with her a few times so I can at least introduce her to some of the people there. Especially M. I am very excited to see M. 

Something that's been taking up a great deal of my time lately has been reading. In the past week alone I've read four books. I can't believe it. I'm in a reading kick and I can't eat enough! Including a few more from the week before I've read:

1. The Sumerians by Elaine Landau - the book was a nice summary of the geography and social structure but severely biased by the author's Christian views.
2. Lugalbanda by Kathy Henderson - this was a gorgeous story with amazing illustrations and unlike the first book on the list, this one honored the ancient religion and culture that it detailed. Also this is a retelling of the oldest story ever written - over 4,000 years old!
3. Sexy by Joyce Carol Oates - YA done right. Heartbreaking in some places but in the end it covers everything that a young adult novel is supposed to - including a glimpse of hope.
4. Rape by Joyce Carol Oates - I adore the use of 2nd person POV in selected chapters and I was really surprised by the direction the novel took. And yet I wasn't surprised because Oates laid all the foundation work to guide me to the perfect and inevitable result. Very satisfying.
5. The Book of Lost Things by John Connolly - this book is a great example of bridging between YA and adult fiction. A sort of Narnia for the modern times. Loved the gay soldier.
6. We Were Liars by E. Lockhart - figured it out relatively quickly but that didn't diminish my enjoyment of the novel by any means. I adored the poetic flare of Lockhart's narration.
7. The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian - I was drawn to this book for two reasons: 1) it was banned and 2) it takes place on the Spokane Indian Reservation and Reardon, WA. I loved knowing the places that the narrator talks about and I also loved the cartoon snippets throughout the text. Great story filled with truths that only a diary style novel can get away with telling and lamenting. 
8. Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe - I really enjoyed this book. It can be a bit infuriating at times but the end makes everything so worth it. In fact, if I'm ever having a bad day and need a pick me up, I'll just read the last ten pages. So worth it. 

None of these books are very long, but even still, I finished them all at record speeds for me. I am usually a slow fuddy-duddy reader. Which is why I'm starting to realize that I'm just not meant for adult fiction. At least not meant for it primarily. I feel a draw toward YA and also when I read YA it not only feels right, but it helps me recall and analyze parts of my childhood that I had forgotten or hadn't really processed. In my heart I'm still about fifteen or sixteen and so these books speak strongly to me. No, I'm not still dealing with high school drama or trying to awkwardly figure out the opposite sex (or the same sex as the case may be) but people are people and they are their most beautiful when they are vulnerable. The coming of age stories in the YA I've been reading have all been marvelous. I definitely feel that my mentor and I made the correct choice in making Death Man much more YA than it had previously been. The next projects I am going to work on will also be YA. I just can't get enough of it! Even today at the library I picked up another YA novel. But I'm not going to let myself start it until I finish with all the editing that needs to be done.

So many books. So little time. I'm happy to have found my place. Which is really what YA is all about.

Final Stretch - I'm Gonna Graduate!

So I got the green light from the second reader - but on the condition that I fix the typos in the manuscript before I send it to my Mentor as the final packet and also before I send it to be bound. I'm experiencing a mixture of panic and relief. I want this to be perfect but, dear gods, I'm so freaking tired. Exhausted mentally and physically. I want a break but I don't want to dissolve into a puddle of goo and disappear either. I want to keep working on these projects and eventually write query letters and synopses and treatments and someday, just someday, get a damn book out there. I've been reading like a hungry creature lately (which hasn't helped me get my writing done but it's been very helpful in getting me into the YA mood). I read Sherman Alexie's 'The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian' and E, Lockhart's 'We Were Liars' and also Connolly's 'Book of Lost Things.' And some more Joyce Carol Oates obviously. Because as it turns out I'm a huge fan girl of hers. 

These books have been incredibly wonderful - even when they aren't necessarily pleasant. I have learned so much about pacing and dialogue (things that I was pretty decent with before but always, always, always striving to be better at) and I am excited to incorporate those things into the upcoming workshop pieces for the residency. So far the only things I have left to do: final comb through to fix typos for the Thesis, read a few things for residency, prepare workshop pieces and critique fellow pieces, rehearse my class a few times, and pack all the pretty dresses! Not too bad I suppose. Oh and I also have to register for classes, secure the hotel, finalize plans with my buddy, and send in evaluations. Okay so I still have a lot to do. But I'll get it done. I'm on the home stretch now! I can do it. I really, really can do it!

Sumerian Goddesses and My Little Pony

In past blogs I've mentioned the Mayans (and Aztecs and Incas) and also talked about my interest in Norse Goddesses such as Skadi and Hel. For a long time, ever since high school in fact, I've been incredibly interested in Sumerian culture and religion. Sumer was the cradle of life and civilization. I've seen a few movies that use 'Sumerian cults' and 'obscure Sumerian gods' as the antagonizing forces. It makes sense to capitalize on something so ancient and mysterious when trying to terrorize an audience but I've always felt there was more to it than that. I recently went on a light search to learn a little about Sumerian gods and goddesses and what I found was very exciting. Until I read and learn more I won't talk about the overall myths, but I do want to share a little about Inanna and Ereshkigal. 

Inanna, who is also known as Ishtar, is the goddess of love and war. She is the patron for children conceived in love and for those who die in battle. To me this feels beautifully familiar to Freyja who is the Norse goddess of pretty much the same thing. She appeals to me very strongly because of the immense scope of her patronage and also because of how revered she is still today by many people who study/revere the Sumerian Pantheon. There are many books on the subject, some of which I will be owning as soon as my life calms down and funds increase (or hell, if neither of those happens I will still be owning them soon): 

• The Sacred Sex Rites of Ishtar
• Inanna: From the Myths of Ancient Sumer 
• Inanna, Lady of the Largest Heart: Poems of the Sumerian High Priestess
• Inanna, Queen of Heaven and Earth: Her Stories and Hymns from Sumer 

Innana's sister, Ereshkigal, is the goddess who rules the underworld. I haven't researched her as much as Inanna, but I wonder if I'll find similarities between her and Norse's Hel. She is an interesting and provocative figure. There are a few books written about her as well and most of them delve into BDSM as part of devotion and worship. I've been curious about the sensual side of a BDSM spiritual path for a while now so it is little wonder why I'm so drawn to this Queen of the Great Below. 

The books that I'm interested in purchasing as a way to get to know her better are as follows: (the first book in the list deals with her specifically, the next three talk about merging BDSM and spirituality)

• Queen of the Great Below: An Anthology in Honor of Ereshkigal
• Sacred Kink: The Eightfold Paths of BDSM and Beyond
• Dark Moon Rising: Pagan BDSM and the Ordeal Path
• Sacred Pain: Hurting the Body for the Sake of the Soul

Many books that talk about both goddesses. Inanna and her sister, Ereshkigal, are bound together in the myth of Inanna's descent into the Great Below. I don't have a Norse correlation of hand, but the way these sisters compliment each other reminds me very much of My Little Pony's Princess Celestia and Princess Luna. Just as their names suggest, one is the pony Princess of day and the other is the Princess of night. During the IEPG campout this June I'm going to lead a 'My Little Pony' themed ritual to banish our nightmares to the moon. I will invoke the archetypal Princesses to join us and I can't help but think that Inanna and Ereshkigal will be there too, in spirit if not in name.

Slow Going, Sick Galen, and Mermaids

These last couple of weeks have been a headache.  I've been applying off and on for about every job I am "qualified" for, been working every weekend at the bra shop as I am the only CA who can work over a five hour shift at the moment, and been spending 4-6 hours every day working on my novel.  I'm exhausted.  The novel work has been intensive and rewarding but so very slow going.  As I read the YA craft book by Regina L. Brooks, I realized that what I had done wrong from the beginning was to start this story without a clear idea of the setting.  The physical setting has developed and evolved over the past year and now that I have it set in stone (with some flexibility as nothing is ever truly set in novel writing) I've had to restart, rewrite, redraft, and revise.  I learned from this mistake and am going to flush out setting prior to drafting the next time I tackle a novel project. So anyway, it's been slow, slow, slow going.  I am not going to have my full amount of pages for the upcoming packet.  I feel bad. 

After being ill and after revising everything and creating a new outlook on the story and plot, I had a hell of a time getting back into the habit of writing everyday.  I'm back!  I've been practically living at the library and Starbucks is my Patron. (By the way, the Caramel Flan Latte is pretty fucking amazing!) This Monday I am going to spend the whole day at the Library again.  Basically I'm hoping to have thirty good pages for my mentor and then send her another thirty as soon as they are ready. If I have to go in chunks of thirty then so be it.  I just want to keep making progress. She's really excited for this novel to come together and so am I. At work today I talked to the new ASM about which characters live and which ones die and her excitement about the relationships between the characters got me very excited. She told me she would love to see my ideas translated on screen. She hasn't read the material but just hearing her say that was very encouraging today.

Galen, our mini-panther, has bronchitis and is taking antibiotics and steroids twice a day. Consequently, my fingers have become pin cushions. Sometimes he takes the pills well and sometimes he chomps down on my fingers like a wild beast! I really hope he shapes up soon. We lost Yoda a little less than a year ago and we're not ready to go through that again. 

For the past few nights, Hannah and I have been reading about mermaids. We rented a book from the library and each night I read a chapter or two aloud as we cuddle in bed getting ready to go to sleep. I learned about the mermaid fakes. Did you know that mermaid (and sea monster creation) fakes were so popular that the fakes themselves have a name? They are called Jenny Hanivers. I immediately felt compelled to someday write a mermaid tale and include a Jenny character who might have a friend named Haniver. The origin of the name is from the French for girls from Antwerp. We've actually learned quite a bit from the mermaid book so far. Tonight we'll finish it and tomorrow we're going to start a kids book about Chinese Folktales called Auntie Tigress.  

Two Kinds of Homework, or Books and Svadhishthana

For my MFA homework: I'm writing out the origins of my fucked up little city as well as finally giving myself permission to attack this novel as a YA vehicle. My mentor, while always being positive and encouraging, always takes time to give me excellent reading suggestions so that we are both on the same foot as far as concepts and things to try. A few books she suggested that I really enjoyed are St. Lucy's Home for Girls Raised by Wolves by Karen Russell, Disgrace by J.M. Coetzee, The House on Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros, and Structuring Your Novel by Robert C. Meredith.  Earlier today I updated by accumulative bibliography (I use Easy Bib online and I love it! So simple!) and added all of my entries together. I have reached the desired goal of 80 entries including, research articles, novels, books of poetry, graphic novels, selected chapters for critical study and lecture classes. 

Everything I read now is icing on the cake and, as per my mentors suggestions once again, I'm excited get to work reading Writing Great Books for Young Adults by Regina Brooks, The Modern Library Writer's Workshop by Stephen Koch (this is more for after I graduate but I'll peek now!), The Stranger by Albert Camus (this one is a reread), Waiting for the Barbarians by J.M. Coetzee, and (probably after I graduate) On Such a Full Sea by Chang-rae Lee.  I cannot begin to describe how excited I was to get the latest package from Amazon.  I had just ordered the Coetzee, Brooks, and Koch books and knew they would be arriving any day.  They arrived yesterday while I was getting ready for my shower.  I heard the door knock and so I cautiously, nakedly made my way through the hall to peer out though the spy-hole into the stairwell area.  No one was there.  I knew right away it must be a UPS drop off.  So I opened the door and extended a naked arm, as well as one renegade boob, out into the world (because stopping to put clothes on was NOT an option!) and snatched the box quickly into the safety of my home and bosom.

Today's Blog Lesson: Reading is good for you.  Masturbation is good for you.  Any questions?

For Wiccan Spirituality homework: We were given two articles to read and some exercises to try. I've already read the first article and loved it!  Other parts of homework were to interact with and get to know water as an inspirational and life-giving thing, as well as research the second chakra which is the chakra most associated with this element.  Well I found some great sites (Chakra Center, Chakra Anatomy, and Kundalini Yoga Meditation) that offer similar yet valuable information on the second chakra which is known in Sanskit as the Svadhishthana "one's own base."  The thing about the second chakra is that it focuses not on pragmatism but on 'feeling' and creativity. It is, I suppose, the human condition chakra. This is the stem of our feelings and emotions and our sexual drives and desires. It can become clogged and blocked and interrupted which usually leads to a damming of our creativity or an unhealthy obsession with sex in its shallowest of forms.  

Pleasure is good, touching is good, coming together as humans or even exploring one's own self is good. But not at the expense of enjoying the rest of what life has to offer. When this chakra is in good working order, a person's creativity blooms, they feel strong in their sexual identity, they enjoy the release that emotions and sensations have to offer, and they do not fight against their feelings. For women, especially, this is a creative center as it lies within the womb area of our bodies. Even if a woman chooses not to, or has no occasion to, have a child, her uterus is one of the most creative places inside of her. It is in a state of change and hormonal cycling, always growing and losing and starting over again. Painful periods and trouble menstruating may cause blockage in the second chakra and, some believe, blockage in the second chakra can cause painful periods and trouble menstruating. I think this last bit is incredibly interesting. We know that emotions bring on physiological reactions in a person (anger causes tension, adrenaline; grief brings tears, tightness of chest, pain, aches, soreness, etc.) so who's to say how much of our period pain comes from oxygen deprived muscle tissue and how much of it stems from improperly balanced second chakra? Something to think about anyway.

Interviews and Other Tripe

The other day there was a meeting for work.  We had muffins.  It was a pretty decent meeting over all but my manager announced to the rest of the gals that I might be leaving soon.  There was a group gasp, especially from the Assistant Manager who is retiring this November.  It was nice to hear the gasp.  They really don't want me to leave but at the same time they do realize that I can't survive like this anymore (or at least they better realize!).  Hannah and I need a life of our own and we've decided that for right now, Spokane is the right fit.  Now it's just a waiting game to see how quickly we can get ourselves there.

Today I completed interview number three.  I'm not sure how I feel about it.  The first interview was for the position of Third Key at my current job.  I most likely will be offered the job if I end up staying at L'eggs Hanes Bali but if this ends up happening then it means Hannah and I won't be moving to Spokane anytime soon.  We need out but we're not willing to live in a shit hole and if I work as Third Key that will be all I can afford.  No.  We'll stay with mom and dad and continue to make things work until I can finally get a better job.  The second interview was for a very part time position with Barnes and Nobles.  This job would rock.  The only draw back is that I can't accept it unless I'm moving to Spokane because there's no way in hell I'm driving all the way from Post Falls to work at the Spokane Valley mall for $9.50 an hour.  It's a generous rate actually and I really want this job but I can't commute that far.  I would have to live in Spokane Valley for this to work.  The third interview was for the Spokane Valley Library as a Public Service Associate.  This one would be a career maker and I would be able to do the Barnes and Nobles part time to supplement enough so that we could afford to live in our dream apartment.

The idea result would be the acquiring of two jobs - the Library and the book store.  The I don't know that I will be getting either, in fact, I'm not holding out much hope for the library one.  They will call me on Wednesday and say yes or no.  It's unfortunate that they are waiting until Wednesday because on Monday I have a second interview with the store manager of Barnes and Nobles.  They'll let me know probably by Monday as well.  Sadly though, if they call and say yes, but the library calls and says no, then I get neither.  This is fucking stupid.  Tonight I'm doing more job searching.  Tomorrow Hannah has to call her school and sort out some financial aide issue.  My enthusiasm for life is waning.  This blog took a very negative turn here, I'm sorry about that.  *Breathes*

On another note, mom and dad are out of town for ten days which means I am going to hole up in the living room this weekend and work my ass off for my packet.  My mentor allowed me to skip the packet that was due on the tenth of this month and make up some work for the October 1st packet.  I can't let her down.  Letting her down is letting myself down and one damn thing has to work out for me, right?  I have to graduate otherwise what the hell was the point of all of this stress?  Back to the drawing board on jobs.  I suppose I'll have a really happy blog on Wednesday or a really depressed one.  We shall see.

Plans and Plots

I cannot say for sure but it seems my other coworker has bowed out of the 'Third Key' race.  While this means I have a much better chance now (almost a guarantee), I don't feel any better.  I'm excited for this job but at the same time it won't be enough money for Hannah and I to take the next step in our lives and move to Spokane.  I adore my parents but it is time.  It. Is. Time.  We need to be responsible individuals living on our own again, making all the decisions, decorating how we want, cooking how we want, staying up and sleeping in, or vice-versa.  We need to be independent!  And Third Key would help but it would be just another step up the retail ladder that I plan on abandoning someday in the future.  However, there's another job, a library job, that I'm applying for in person tomorrow.  I don't think it will pan out but if any of my readers can spare some positive energy... this is kind of the one I want.  Bad.  It is same amount of hours as Third Key but almost twice the pay and it has the makings of a career.  Also, books.  Lots and lots of books everywhere!  And I would get to play with them all day!  It just seems kind of like the perfect job for me.  

No matter what I hope I at least get an interview.  The application is one of those that you fill out on the internet and have to print out right away because the information doesn't save.  Well, I did the backspace thing a couple of times where you have highlighted more than just one line and then push the button and the entire page goes back, not just the text.  So I lost the application twice.  Had to refill it it out over and over again.  I now have everything about my last three jobs completely memorized.  Not something I'm proud of.  Anyway, the application is a three fold: long ass application, spruced up resume, and a signed cover letter.  All of this must be turned in by tomorrow at noon.  I will be there a bit earlier because I have to be back in Coeud'Alene to pick up my friend's brother and drive him home from NIC, but also because I kind of hope they talk to me a little bit.  Even if it's stupid chatter, I hope the Human Resources people remember me.  And then I hope they call me back in for an interview.  And then I hope they hire me.  I could really see myself being happy at a job like this.  And I tell you what, it would be nice to have enough money to actually make it for a change.  

Tonight, before I began the brutal process of filing out and refiling out the application, I read three new pages of Death Man to my mother.  She was pretty invested in what I wrote and she's a bit surprised with how different its turning out.  Cutely she suggested we sit down together and work on the story all day on Thursday.  We're going to storyboard the whole thing (or finish what I started in the storyboard department) and I'll pump out the next few scenes.  I'm glad she's showing such interest and attention.  It should be fun and honestly she's a pretty tough editor/slave driver when she wants to be.  And her reaction to the new pages was, for the most part, exactly what I would hope for from an audience so that was rather encouraging.  Onward and upward I go with this stupid novel!  It's been the bane of my existence but it's getting somewhere, slowly but surely.

A Surprise Visit and a Few Good Books

Today at work one of my Solstice MFA fellows came by the store!  Geographically this is very cool.  He's from Oregon but is driving through to Montana and stopped at Post Falls to hug and squeeze none other than me!  K introduced me to his wife and four kids (aged: baby, 2, 4, and 6).  Apparently when they were driving up, his wife said, "Do you guys wanna meet one of Daddy's friends?" To which their replied, "yes."  But when I rushed out of the store to come and greet them, the eldest, a daughter, cried, "But she's a girl!"  I thought that was pretty cute.  Yes.  Daddy's can in fact have friends that are girls.

But not only was my sex a surprise, I was also of great interest to the second eldest, a son, who asked what my medal was for.  I was wearing a pretty cameo necklace that I had borrowed from Hannah.  It was strung on a pretty white ribbon about my neck and I guess the shape of it reminded him of award medals.  Because when I cocked my head, he asked again, "What did you win that medal for?"  I wasn't sure what to say but I told him I won it by wrestling it away from Hannah, ergo it was a wrestling medal.  To which he was pretty impressed.  

They weren't able to stay long but it really did make my day!  Aside from K's surprise visit to the store my day was filled with helping pre-teens and teens find starter bars.  I swear today must have been drag your daughter to get fitted day, alternately known as "Please, honey, you can't wear shitty sports bras the rest of your life!"  I fitted three girls - there was a fourth but she didn't let me fit her and she was an absolute sour puss and hated all of our bras (what she really wanted was a Victoria's Secret bra to push up her knockers and ours were just too practical for her).  A couple of the girls I fitted though were a real delight to work with and they went home with a good selection of cute but supportive bras and some matching panties!  

After work I came home and ate all the things.  I ate several slices of a crumb cake that our friend, C, left here as well as a very good sized portion of biscuits and gravy.  I don't even know how I fit it all in there.  I'll chalk it up to period binge and try to eat with greater balance tomorrow.  Speaking of tomorrow, I need to get it over with because I really need a day to just work on homework.  Apparently Monday (my day off) is going to be filled with Kroc exercise, plasma donation, and getting new tags for the car.  This translates into a long ass day.  I also have to go to the library for a while on Monday and pick up some new books and drop off an old one - that book being Zombie.  

E told me not to read Zombie by Joyce Carol Oates, so of course I immediately went off and read it.  I actually really liked it.  There was one part that made me a little sick (the very graphic description and visual aide of lobotomy) but other than that I found the gore and sexual violence to be just disturbing enough to make the point but not over the top.  Overall it was just a heartbreaking novel and written well enough that I found myself empathizing with the killer as well as his victims, his zombies.  I actually really want to own this book.  There's one line in it that I almost want tattooed on me: "If you had a heart, that is how it would be broken." Now that I've read a book that wasn't actually on my reading list, I suppose it's time to get down to business with the ones that are.  Currently I'm reading Structuring Your Novel by Meredith.  And it's kind of amazing.  I'm doing all the exercises in it to map out my Death Man novel and I'm already excited to use it to map out my other novels, too.