Animal Totem Talk

In recent conversation with a friend, the topic of Animal Totems came up. I was reminded a long time ago of a side conversation with someone in the past when I mentioned that I don't eat Octopuses or Squid anymore because I've recognized them as deities/totems for me. The person was shocked that I wouldn't "eat my totem" and I suppose, given the act of transubstantiation in Catholicism whereby they eat the body and blood of Christ every Sunday, that the eating of a totem might make sense. Well, I don't have to worry about eating any animal totems now since I'm no longer eating meat but I am actually very down with a little transubstantiation of my own. 

I believe in the power of symbolism (more so than the protestants who claim the break and wine to be just symbols). If I wanted to partake of my totems, whatever animals they may be, I would symbolically ingest and, therefore, truly ingest the archetypal essence of the creature into my being. For Hannah, who has a fox totem, we could eat fox shaped cookies or make an alcoholic beverage to honor the Arctic Fox or the Bat-Eared Fox. You get the gist. I don't need to put the actual matter of the totems flesh into my body to incorporate it's nutritional (spiritual) value. 

Moving on. I don't know for sure that the Octopus is my official totem as I am sometimes more in awe of it than I am relating to it on a spiritual and characteristic level (or I could be wrong - who knows!) but I know that in light of the conversation with had with our friend the other day a few fun things have happened reinforcing Hannah's totem and opening me up to, if not a totem, an animal spirit guide who has some valuable lessons to teach me. 

Animal Speak

Here's what happened: Hannah and I were telling Rachel about the Animal Speak book that had been the basis of the initial conversation and the Magical Menagerie deck fell from its shelf to the floor. We all turned to look when it dropped all we could made out was something falling - we didn't know what had caused the plunk. Later that night I discovered that it was the Animal oracle and I went, "Hmmmm," and told Hannah we needed to draw a card that night! Well we completely forgot. We are quit often  enormous dinguses (dingii?). We drew a card each the next night. These puppies had been shuffled too. So shuffled. Hannah had shuffled them the first night when they fell and then I shuffled them again. Well I drew first and got Griffin/Gryphon. Hannah drew second and *boom* she drew fox. We are going to make a small Inari shrine in the house at some point as fox has been a huge animal in Hannah's life (and, through being with Hannah, in my life as well).

So Hannah's draw made ridiculously perfect sense. Mine was a little weirder. I didn't think the Griffin was very fitting. At first. I took an online, for fun, Spirit Animal test and got Eagle. I didn't put much stock in the test, but I kept it in the back of my mind because why not? And then I started to hunker down and really think about what the Griffin meant. I am fond of Griffins and since that day I've been seeing them, or reminders of them, everywhere. In fact, that other day I saw a large pink heraldic griffin splayed across the bottom of an extra large license plate. How random? Or not. I found many pictures of griffins with the heads of Bald Eagles and felt that was a neat tie in to the previous test I'd taken. Also I found numerous sites offering pretty similar information: the Griffin is a cross between the King of Land (lion) and the King of Sky (eagle) and is known to symbolize a spiritual quest. That the Griffin is a guardian and a guide, usually as you journey a new spiritual path, or go through a particularly challenging trial. 

So I've been paying attention. I do feel that I need some guidance right now. There have been a lot of changes in my life, and new challenges. My sibling (whom I've been somewhat estranged with) is sick and dying; I'm less than two months out from getting married; my computer is broken and is going to the manufacturer for repairs; we lost a full time employee at work and are going to lose another on the 28th of this month; the house is in a perpetual state of mess; my car may or may not be road worthy enough to go to Seattle; I don't want to keep living at Valley 206 now that they are becoming a tax credit community and will have A) the authority to get rid of us at any time due to how much money I make and B) full access to my bank account information and C) they will be making us sign a year long lease in the next few months after we've been on month-to-month for almost a full year already. And it's getting darker sooner now. I can already feel my brain and body reacting to the waning summer. I'm bracing for the shit emotional time ahead but it's hard to see how everything is going to turn out at this point. And maybe that's why a Griffin jumped off the shelf for me the other night.

A while back I did a written role-play with a friend wherein our two protagonists, a married gay couple, were dealing with ghost possession as well as ancestral bloodline awakenings. It was pretty cool role-play concept and, who knows, we might revisit in the future. We both want to write novels and short stories and it could be fun to turn some of our RPs into novellas or novels. Anyway, my character in the RP (the one dealing with an awakening of his bloodline) was a Chamrosh (which is essentially what you see in the above pic). A chamrosh is a griffin with a wolf's body instead of a lion's. It is the lesser known Persian winged guardian and I spent a lot of time for that RP delving into what a griffin/chamrosh meant and what function one might serve in a story. So when griffin showed up the other night I felt a fun pang of familiarity.

Speaking of RPs, Hannah and I are finally writing one again. Just for fun and also to whet our writing chops again. I've already shared some of the beginning story that spurred her to say 'hey, let's write this out together!' It's been kind of fun to delve into these characters. Neither of them comes from what I would call a horribly tragic past or abusive situation. Both have had shitty moments as well as comfort. It's been fun throwing challenges their way, but mostly they are just a cutesy-nervous couple full of unnecessary, self-depreciating worries and woes. Kind of like most people.

In other news, I recently discovered Leo Moracchioli on Youtube. I will be purchasing a few of these fantastic covers. So far my favorites are Adele's Hello and Frozen's Let it Go. I leave you with a song for now. This started as such a focused blog post (started it a few days ago) and then more and more and more just kept happening. so here we are. Please enjoy Leo's cover.

Busy times, an update on life in general and the Bucket List

It has been incredibly busy. My counterpart, the Hannah, has mentioned some of this business in her blog, but I wanted to recap it a little here. It's been sort of nonstop, go, go, go for a while and today being the Fourth and all I wanted to just slow things down a little and reminisce. We've sold the Jeep. Our friend has a tiny bit left to pay on it, but more than that I'm super excited for it to be alive again so that she doesn't have to keep renting Uhaul trucks to move her Kettle Korn stuff from place to place and also because I feel the Jeep is somewhat safer and more reliable than the old yellow truck that she'd been using before. So knowing she's safer makes me happy.

After selling the Jeep however, Hannah and I got a real wild hair to go and trade in the Kia but right now it just isn't going to work. We had a bit of a meltdown last Thursday about all of that. Being without my depression meds for a while certainly didn't help. On Friday we went with mom to Silverwood. I love that place. For me it is a clean slice of a different world: Victorian and elegant yet rugged and rustic. And I love all the flowers. I never noticed flowers before as much as I do now. I think being able to plant in the back yard has really changed my perspective on green things. My Kettle Korn friend calls me a Green Witch. I just might be. 

On Saturday Hannah and I went to our friend's house for soap making. Hannah made soap. I attempted to write for NaNo and ended up taking a much needed nap in a comfy as hell recliner. I worked the next morning (not too many issues) and then we returned to said friend's house for a round of gaming. I really enjoy this group of people and hope that I don't ever get too weird or obnoxious for them. I know that I often lack the 'okay you're going too far' self warning. I think as I get back on my meds properly I either won't A) be as obnoxious or B) won't worry as much about it knowing that my friends love me for who I am. 

Today I worked the Holiday at work and everything went very well except for the fact that the phones weren't working for about an hour. Even so it went very smoothly. When I got home though, I did something I regret a bit... I curled up on the bed in the bedroom and napped the fuck out of the afternoon. It wasn't particularly restful sleep but it was tremendously comforting because for the entire time that I was napping, Narcisa was right there with me. I think she knew I needed a nap companion and I think she knew I was a bit out of sorts. Tonight Hannah and I are going to watch a movie and enjoy Butter Chicken. I don't work until 8 tomorrow, which is awesome and also sucks. I love getting done at 4 but on the other hand I've been working from 7 until 5 for the past two weeks, so just doing a regular 8 hour day (with one hour for lunch) is going to be a real treat I reckon. I only have to make it through Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. And then I can have some more fun this weekend. I'm trying to cram in as much fun as possible. Rest is great but going out and doing stuff, getting some Vitamin D, socializing... these things are helping me reboot for the work week more than anything right now.

Also, here is a quick update of the Bucket List for Summer of 2016: So far I've only managed to cross off camping and star gazing and one time for Silverwood. My goal for Silverwood is three. I'll be closer to that goal after this weekend though. I really do enjoy that damn park. It's incredibly nostalgic for me.

Into July with Work and Writing

Camped a weekend ago and it was marvelous. Just what I needed to get back in touch with nature. It was brief and it rained but it was lovely. This weekend started in a weird panic attack of adulting. I was supposed to go to the doctor's on Thursday but the appointment was cancelled. No big deal really except that I've been out of my meds already for a month (been cutting pills in half and skipping days here and there to keep myself somewhat normal). Also Hannah and I have been wanting to get a car and we did some serious budgeting the last few days and that resulted in crying. We will be getting a new car and we are fairly certain what type we want and from where but it will have to wait just a little while longer. That's been a huge bummer for us, but we can't do much extra right now. We're making it but not with too much wiggle room.

Yesterday Hannah and I went with my mom to Silverwood. We played in the wave pool and saw the magician, Nick Norton. That was about it. And that was pretty much perfect. She has a pass so we can go anytime we all want to this summer, so there wasn't that panicked must-cram-it-all-in-today feeling. After the park we brought home funnel cake, some coffee, and some chocolate coated espresso beans for dad. We did a belated father's day. We watched a German 'found footage' movie that kind of sucked and then went to our old favorite 'The Vicar of Dibley.'

Today I worked on some laundry and then Hannah, I and some of our friends all convened at De's house for soap making lessons. Well some of us got soap making lessons... I took a shower and then curled up in a comfy chair and tried to get a good start on Camp NaNoWriMo. I got about three sentences out and fell asleep. And snored. To which my friends reminded me that I really need to get a sleep study done because I definitely sound like I have sleep apnea. Which is one of the reasons I really wanted to have that doctor's appointment last Thursday.

Speaking of Camp NaNoWriMo (NaNo for short) I'm going to spend this month finishing and polishing my Death Man novel. It's about damn time I finished it. Once it's complete I'll work on the sequel and then, if I can, I'll pump out my Dust Bowl story. I really love that one. I think it's a bit more 'literary' in a way than Death Man but that's not why I love it so much. I'm just very centered into the Dust Bowl and the Great Depression. That time period speaks to me in the same way that WWII speaks to Hannah. I'm intrigued and inspired by those that left and those that stayed and how they managed to survive such an unrelenting period. But, just like getting a new/er car, the Dust Bowl story will have to wait. For now it's nose to the grindstone at work and get Death Man done.

Tomorrow is Sunday. It's D&D night for one of my and Hannah's campaigns. I like it because it's very flexible and we just sort of schedule it when we can all make it. The next day is the 4th of July. I don't know what Hannah and I are doing for it yet. We've been invited to the family thing at my Aunt's and we've also been invited to the lake with some good friends. Those things are possibilities but not highly likely - Hannah isn't wanting to leave home for some reason. I'm working in the morning but after that we're thinking of possibly having a small cook out at home. Or maybe we'll just spend it alone, just the two of us. We could watch fireworks on YouTube and just spend that time with the kitty. Maybe we'll do card games or tarot or something. No matter what, I just want a nice, safe, and relaxing fourth.

All the Pretty Cars are Going to Hell

And the god of transportation did look down upon us and laugh. "Your car troubles," he said with smugness, "shall be a lesson. Heed it well, mortals, lest ye ever take your working vehicle for granted again."

The last 30+ days have been filled with car death. Not even Optimus Prime was free of problems. For Hannah and I: May was bookended with flat tires. The first flat was the day before Beltane. It was raining. We'd just left the IEPG Beltane celebration and were heading to a friend's house to continue celebrating when the threadbare tire in the back let out a tremendous wet fart as it succumbed to the inevitable. I wasn't too worried. It was only lightly raining and I'm actually pretty handy with general car stuff. I got my jack and donut spare ready but didn't have a tire iron. Fuck. But we have good friends and two came to our rescue. Fast forward to the day after May. On June 1st I went to use our last little bit of money to get some chocolate for Hannah and I (as Hannah had made it clear that if I didn't get us some kind comfort snack she might murder me) and as I made my way south on Pines, I thought it would be a goddamn great idea to mate my front tire with the curb. The mating ritual began with a boom and ended with a 'ka-thud, ka-thud, ka-thud.' Again, thankfully we have great friends. Our friends who were married on May 1st (the day after the first flat tire) saved me this time. 

But let me derail a moment and chronicle the car problems between Optimus's flats: our friend's Ford Contour died when its timing belt lost track of time, my twinsy friends lost their boat of a car to a suspected dead alternator, and our Kettle Korn diva had issues with both her vehicles (the Smart Car tried to mate with a curb and was even less successful than Optimus Prime and her mustard yellow Truck has been in and out of the car hospital all month). In the few days since our second flat: the newlyweds who helped me out on June 1st had to be rescued from the Cosco parking lot when their hatchback made the death rattle, and a couple of hours ago (2 AM) we got yet another car call. Hannah and I just returned from picking up our poor stranded friend from the Sullivan Wal-Mart due to a dead battery situation. 

I'm going to be working about 12 hours of overtime in the next two weeks and I think I'm going to use every penny extra that brings me to get Optimus checked out and get him a new belt. If I'm going to be the bad-ass friend who rescues my darlings from parking lots around Spokane and Spokane Valley then I need to make sure my ride is a reliable one. Speaking of work, though, this Monday will be the start of an eleven day work week. Of the three people we recently hired only one of them actually worked out (and he's doing freaking amazing!) but on top of that the other Lead quit with only two days notice. Ergo we are mutha-fuckin shorthanded. I'm going to buckle in for this eleven day long haul and enjoy the overtime. At the end of it all I will start a new schedule working Sunday (5-1) and Monday thru Thursday (7-4). What this means for me is that I'll always have Friday and Saturday off which is kind of neat. Also it splits up the weekends between my supervisor and I so that neither of us have to work both days. The weekends start so freaking early and are such a mixed bag of insanity that it might be nice to only have to deal with it one time a week instead of back to back every other weekend. 

Side note to the above: my bosses are so sweet. The manager and supervisor had me come in on my day off to work on scheduling and make a plan to get us through the summer. When I got to the office they called me into a conference room and started the morning by giving me a present tower. They gave me a coloring book with pencils, My Little Pony stickers, Rainbow Dash knee socks, double stuffed Oreos, and a lovely card in which they both told me how much they appreciate me being there. It made me feel so freaking good. Yeah, there are definitely days when this job stresses me out and there are definitely customers that call in who make me want to scream, but I've said from the very beginning, I've never worked for a place like this before. I've never been able to put a local address for the 'corporate' office of my workplace on my taxed. I've never been so rewarded for work well done and I've never received such positive reinforcement. Also I've never had a job before where I truly believed the higher ups gave a shit about me. Not just about 'employees,' but about 'me' specifically. It's a neat feeling. And on that note, I'm going to get some more sleep.

CD, Newsy Nails, Pics, and Sick

This is one of the stained glass images one the Sprague-side entrance to the Cowles Building.

Yesterday I did a creative project. I made my self a mixed CD to listen to during my 15-20 minute drive to the Park and Ride bus stop in Liberty Lake. I wanted to listen to things that would wake me up, pump me up, get me jazzed for the work day. So I put a variety of dubstep, metal, and rock on the first two-thirds of the mix and then finished it off with a few softer hits. Those are meant to be my 'coming down' at the end of the day songs.  Here's the playlist:

Skrillex - Kyoto
Korn - Get Up
In This Moment - Adrenalize
System of a Down - Question!
Metallica - The Unforgiven III
Korn - Narcissistic Cannibal
In This Moment - Blood
Serj Tankian (from System of a Down) - Empty Walls
System of a Down - Toxicity
Three Days Grace - Get Out Alive
Jack Off Jill - Strawberry Gashes
Korn - Forsaken
Metallica - The Unforgiven II
System of a Down - Lonely Day
Foxsky - Kirby Smash
Incubus - Love Hurts
Imagine Dragons - Demons (YouTube Artist Cover)
Fanmade Version - Come Little Children
Flobots - Handlebars

What project? A mixed CD. What did I learn? I learned that I actually really like Skrillex. Also I learned, or remembered rather, just how much I adore Metallica's Unforgiven trilogy. I was going to add the first Unforgiven to the mix and I'm not sure why I changed my mind in the end. I suppose I was hoping to get just a pinch more variety on there. I sort of wish I had switched out one of the SoaD songs for the first Unforgiven. I kind of miss that song. So I guess I learned that sometimes it pays to go with your first inclinations instead of trying to be practical. Not always, but sometimes. Also I learned that the drive to the Park and Ride is much more bearable with a little heavy bass in my ear. Lastly: Did I complete the project? Yes I did. A day late and a dollar short, but I did it just the same!

Antique (and still functioning!) mailbox in the Chronicle Hallway of the Cowles Building.

The next project is newspaper nails! I had decided to do newspaper nails before I saw this awesome entry and tutorial! But then after viewing it I was super excited to try. You paint your nails with a light color first, then dip your fingertips in isopropyl alchohol. Then press some newsprint to the wet nail and the words will stick. They end up as a mirror image, but they still look really neat! What I learned though is that you don't need to hold the newsprint to your nails very long. In fact you just dab the ink onto them for about two seconds or three seconds and the transfer will take. I also learned that they look really fucking cool! 

I like them a lot and will probably do them quite often. Even my shitty hand looks pretty dang good. The newsprint covers a great many errors and flaws. And even if you do screw up, it looks like ripped newspaper so it's still a win. Did I complete the project: yes. I'm still one project behind. That's just how it's going to be until this weekend. I'm really sick as it turns out. I think riding the bus has given not only a new perspective on transport but also a new gamete of germs in my system. And I'm fighting it! Damn, I'm fighting it! But this morning I puked and this evening I'm stuffed up like a Thanksgiving turkey. So I'm going to take some medicine and conk out. One more day and then the weekend. I can't wait for some extended rest.

Another printer stained glass. I love these guys.

Birthdays and Optimus Prime

With the help of some wonderful friends, I managed to throw Hannah a surprise Birthday party on her actual Birthday.  I don't know that I've ever been able to surprise her like this before.  We went to Spokane to celebrate the Crow Moon - my parents came up separately and set up a shit ton of Monster High dolls and party decorations in a spare room - and afterwards one of the members of the Pagan council took Hannah aside and I ushered everyone into the party room. Then Hannah showed up and we screamed surprise at her.  She immediately ran away.  Which was fantastic. I dragged her back into the room and we sang Happy Birthday. She opened gifts while the pagans ate cake (a lovely cake that my mother made for the occasion) and drank sodas, coffee, and tea. It was a great evening and afterwards we went to Dennys with two friends and proceeded to have one of the most inappropriate conversations we've ever had... in public. That, too, was great.

In other news, my friend, J, who is more like a sister than mere friend, gave birth to her third child today.  J texted me during labor, talking about contractions, the epidural, and all sorts of things.  I felt like I was part of it and while I wanted her to stop texting and focus on getting the baby out, I actually really enjoyed the back and forth.  We now have a Kaylin Marie in the world.  J had to have a Cesarean because the little baby wasn't as little as the doctors had first thought.  I'm glad the baby's here.  She was supposed to be here a couple of days ago and then she would have been a birthday twin for Hannah.  Oh well, the seventh is a good day, too. 

In other other news, we are taking our friend Fi to Seattle in two weeks and her parents, wanting to make sure our car was road worthy and reliable, fixed my car at no charge to me.  There were many things wrong with good old Optimus Prime (the least of which being fucked up fuses and misfiring codes) and Fi's dad, who is a mechanic at Dave Smith, took the car in and fixed pretty much everything he could find.  I'm very excited for the trip now and I'm going to make a concentrated effort to be as mother-fucking positive as possible.  This was truly a blessing and I am determined to treat it as such and enjoy every moment of this mini-vacation that otherwise would not have been possible.