Back to the Books!

Hannah and I are picking out books for each other to read as a sort of "Wifey Book Club." The book I selected for Hannah is The Alchemy of Stone by Ekaterina Sedia and the book she selected for me was one that she read many times as a young adult (and it is the book that got her really excited about story-telling and becoming a writer): Mara, Daughter of the Nile by Eloise Jarvis McGraw. I haven't read The Alchemy of Stone yet but I picked it for Hannah because it looked very much like something she would enjoy, but she picked Mara for me because she wanted to share a very important memory and piece of her past with me. I'm delighted she picked it. I had tried to read it once before and wasn't feeling it, however this time around I ate it up hungrily.

Last night I did something I haven't done in a very, very long time: I stayed up past my bedtime to read. Don't get me wrong I stay up later all the time (because I'm so responsible!) but it's usually to chit-chat with Hannah or to watch a show or something like that. It's been ages since a book has kept me up. It felt really exhilarating to get carried away by the written word again. So I didn't wait for Hannah to pick the next one. I chose one she had recommended to me a while ago: The Seventh Tower series by Garth Nix. 

This series has been on my mind for two reasons: 1)I'm excited to read this author and 2) it's called the Seventh Tower series but there are only six books. This bothers me greatly! I realize that the name is due to there being seven towers of interest in this fantasy setting. And I realize that Garth only needed six books to tell his tale. But damn. It would have felt so incredibly satisfying if there had been just one more book. That aside, I am excited to get back to reading. And then... back to writing. Gotta work my muscles, my mind, my imagination, my everything so I can start getting my brain back in the game. 

Sensitive Schmucks: or how I learned to stop worrying and just be offensive

I recently saw an article about Sensitivity Readers and what they mean for the publishing ecosystem. According to Writing in the Margins, "A sensitivity reader reads through a manuscript for issues of representation and for instances of bias on the page. The goal of a sensitivity reader isn’t to edit a manuscript clarity and logic, although that may be an additional service offered. A sensitivity reader reviews a manuscript for internalized bias and negatively charged language." Essentially they are word aggression police. They will help your characters be less offensive to a broad readership. They will also help uncover stereotypes and marginalizations that may exist in your narrative. They are here to help us poor writers who just don't know any better. 

Fuck them.

I know we live in an eggshell world comprised of social justice zealots and trigger warnings but isn't writing supposed to be an escape from that world? My characters use harmful slurs, my characters think in stereotypes. They're flawed and ugly. Bitter and broken. My bad guys rape and murder and whisper things that make me extremely uncomfortable to write. Even my YA writing is squick-worthy. 

But wouldn't I reach a larger crowd if I kept the overall voice of the narrative just a little less offensive? 

Do I care? If my book has any merit, it'll reach the people who need to read it. So what if someone's offended. In fact, wouldn't it be worse if no one was offended? I write about theocracies that degrade and humiliate women. Please be offended! This is horrible. I write about people who molest and harm children. I write characters who are assassins who value money above human life. I write people who struggle to be decent and fail, fail, fail. So they're going to think, say, and feel horrible things. So go on. Feel something. Be angry. Be angry at the story, at the writing, at the writer, at the barbed-wire world all around us hidden under everyone's niceties and social gloss. Be angry because somewhere in the world there's a woman who has to wear an anti-rape tube inside her vagina for when, not if, she gets violated. Be angry because the best we could do for presidential candidates was Tweedle-dee or Tweedle-dum. 

I'm not saying don't wince at the N word. I'm not saying go out and be rude. I'm not saying use "faggot" when you want to call something "stupid." I hate that. It's very offensive to me. Which is why I continue to use it in my writing. It's why some of my characters marginalize women. It's why some of my characters think foreigners are evil. It's why some of my foreigners really are. 

If we tame our narrative to the standards of social justice, then we're cheating ourselves. And, worse than that, we're cheating our characters. In the example from the article a character thought to himself that it would be easier for girls to come out as lesbian than for boys to come out as gay because everyone seems to like lesbians. This apparently was very offensive. Sure, in the real world, it is offensive because it's bullshit that one should be more accepted than the other. But in the book, why should the author have to change her fucking character's personal thoughts just to downplay an incorrect social assumption?

Perhaps a character says something offensive that you the writer hadn't intended to be offensive. Well, unless it's a legitimate typo on the author's part, I'd say your character just told you something about himself, and you should listen and expand on that. The straight choir director calls the Altos the "Flaming Lips" as a joke. You as the writer are innocently trying to reference the musical group, but your reader understands some form of latent homophobia. Play. That. Shit. Up. Your straight little choir director just became a lot more flawed, a lot more interesting, and a much better character. Not a better person, mind you, but definitely a better character.  

During my MFA, Sterling Watson shared one of his many mantras, "Make it worse. Make it hot." If you've got a racist character, then let him be racist. Make it as horrible for your character as it is for your reader. Make your reader feel something. The sensitivity reader would have us objectively portraying difficulties between characters without allowing the inner voice to dip into the crude sludge that shapes the human condition. I would use the sensitivity reader for one thing: seek thee out all of my offensive bullshit so that I may pour gasoline on it and watch people lose their fucking minds. 

"I am not afraid that the book will be controversial, I'm afraid it will not be controversial." ~ Flannery O'Conner

Witchcraft by the Book - Some Thoughts

So I've been studying some good old fashioned Witchcraft via "The Inner Temple of Witchcraft" by Christopher Penczak. I am one chapter in and I have a few things to say: 1) I'm not sure I agree with him that you have to study and have understanding of the basics of why and how before you can actually write, perform, and truly feel rituals and spells; 2) I love the idea that the term "witch" does not trap you or pigeonhole you, but instead opens you up to an infinite number of possibilities of spiritual and vocational roles; 3) at the end of chapter 1 he invites us to define witch for ourselves and I would like to share that now. 

Witch, for me, is anyone who actively works with nature and the archetypes of the divine to sow healing and wisdom into the world. I fully expect my definition to change over time. In fact, it may change by the end of the second chapter. But for now that is how I define the term of witch and I think it does its part in waylaying of our society's skewed perception of the word. The thing is, a great many people are witches who would never call themselves 'witch' and that is perfectly fine. But it should also be perfectly fine for anyone who is a witch to be able to call themselves that. As it stands now, we will never have a witch for President (not that most witches would want to be, but you never know), and we'll never have a witch at the Head of the Department of Education. Or at least we'll never have an outed witch in these roles, but considering what a witch is... wouldn't it be lovely to have one running the county? I certainly think so. But I digress. 

As for the first thing I mentioned from the reading: I do not believe you have to have a core understanding of the logistics, terms, and meanings in order to be successful in writing spells and rituals. And I certainly don't believe you have to 'know' about witchcraft in order to benefit greatly from attending a ritual. Yes, the more we know the better. But the first few times I attended ritual with the IEPG I didn't know anything about any of it. I knew the term Wicca and I knew that Wiccans didn't believe in the Judea-Christian Satan figure. That would be the extent of what I thought I knew. And even that was wrong... because it's not a matter of 'believing in' or 'not believing in.' Eclectic witches, who may or may not be Wiccan, may or may not utilize the archetype of Devil (for example: the Devil card in tarot) in their practices. Or in the case of myself, I enjoy the Judeo-Christian myths and archetypes as part of the global mythos of the world I inhabit. So, essentially, (Socrates moment here) I really didn't know anything. And I still don't. Knowing is different from knowledge and knowledge is different from wisdom all of that is very different from feeling. I had a very profound experience the first few rituals I attended and the intensity of discovery continued during New Moon discussions and other discussions/classes through the IEPG. I learned that I wanted to learn more but even without delving too deep into the etymology of words, the 'how' behind spell crafting, and the 'traditions' of ritual working, I was already up and running. I feel that a great deal of my personal growth has come from learning on my own. Yes I ask questions and yes I go to my trusted witchy friends for extra guidance and help but I never let me lack of knowledge of the basics hold me back. I do not know if my experience is a unique one or if many people come at their path with blind faith and a running start. But I know that for me I didn't need to know a lot about ritual to know that I wanted... needed... to lead some. 

I will add a caveat here. Perhaps I did have all the traditional learning and 'basics' knowledge necessary through my Catholic upbringing. Catholicism is just a hop away from mysticism and just a god/dess short of paganism. I learned about ritual and 'spell' working through Catholic mass. I learned about conjuring/incantations during the transubstantiation of the bread into flesh and the wine into blood. I came to learn of Holy days and also developed an understanding of cross pollination of religion as my Catholic congregation took great pains to pay homage to the Jewish Passover ritual every year around Easter time. So perhaps I was lucky in that I did have a knowledge of the basics necessary to have a profound experience during my first Pagan rituals. But regardless, I believe that a feeling (or a calling) toward rituals and spells comes from the collective subsconscious of humanity. While we may not know the terms for what we are doing and we may not know the reasons we do them in this way, many of us are performing witchcraft just fine. 

That is one of the reasons I wanted to do the spell challenge for this month. The best way for me to learn and grow is through coupling book learning with hands on trial and error. Some of these spells are going to suck, let's just face that. But I think that as I continue to work through my fifteen, I will learn invaluable lessons that I can apply to not only spell writing but to other aspects of witchcraft and daily life.

Silverwood, Sherman Alexie, Impromtu Idaho

Two weekends ago the twins came up from Moscow and we had a really great time. I didn't get to do anything for them on their birthday in March so instead, we all went to Silverwood with my mom and we spent the day looking at all the cute little shops, riding many of the rides (Corkscrew, Timber Terror, Tremors, Panic Plunge, Tilt-a-Whirl, Roundup, and the wave pool of Boulder Beach Bay), and relaxing. We enjoyed tea and coffee at the Victorian Coffee House and while sitting outside under a tree, were blessed with a view of hundreds upon hundreds of bumble bees buzzing around the blooms of the tree. It was a nice scene. Lots of walking (over five miles!). Lots of people playing Pokemon Go. 

When we got back to my place, Hannah was cooking us a nice meal. The twins and I decided to run to the hot tub and soak for a bit since we were sun burnt and sore. While there I took off my engagement ring and the ring of Hannah's that I'd been wearing for the past ten or so months. I set them beside the hot tub and forgot them when we all left a bit later. I remembered pretty quickly that I'd left them and rushed no more than twenty minutes later but the rings were already gone. I'm trying to get my apartment managers to watch the footage and help me track down my rings but I don't really think they give a shit. Meh. I'm angry at myself for losing the rings and trying to make it a lesson against materialism. Except... it was one of Hannah's rings that I lost too. And that one is the one I'm really sad about losing. 

That week at work, a few things happened. Firstly, we finished moving our department from the lobby level to the third level. It's going to take some time to adjust I think, but so far I like it. Not sure what the future holds for me right  now, but I'm going to just embrace impermanence and live in the now. Right now I have A, B, and C. I won't worry D until D comes to pass. Nothing lasts forever and all we really truly have are the moments happening this instant. 

And speaking of nothing lasting forever, on Thursday, my supervisor's father passed away. I guess technically he entered a vegetative state. I'll know more about all of that later but for now, my heart really goes out to my supervisor. She is a very sweet person and a total daddy's girl. I cried for her the night after I heard about what she's going through. That same day, another coworker learned that her mother's cancer had come back. So it was not a good day for a lot of us. I was in a funk. That night I went to Stitch and Witch feeling distant and weird and it made Hannah really upset that I was so out of it. Once I got in there though and did some shitty coloring (and oh man was it shitty!) I felt a bit better. Also I got to see my favorite Free Mason there and he did a neat Tarot Name reading for me. I love hearing him talk about the Tarot and love his kind, soft energy. I'm really glad he came to Stitch and Witch and I hope he keeps coming. 

On Friday, as I walked to work from the Plaza stop, I saw a sign outside the Bing Crosby theatre announcing that Sherman Alexie would be reading there that night. So instantly, my Friday night plans were made. I had Hannah meet me downtown after work. We grabbed a quick shitty meal at McDonald's and then saddled up for the show/reading. It was exactly what I needed. Brought back all the good memories of the MFA program and restored in me some of my old passion for the written word. I've been very depressed and lackluster about writing lately but seeing Sherman, listening to him, watching him move and engage the crowd. Getting his signature. It was a great evening. That night I slept pretty well. Satisfied after spending the evening with Sherman Alexie. And it was good that I slept well because I was wearing an oxygen tester on my index finger. It's the first step to finding out if part of my overall health and attention issues are due to sleep apnea. I don't want to have sleep apnea, but if I do have it, I want to be treated immediately. I want my energy back!

The next day, Hannah, Fiona and I all went to the Perry Street Fair. I went mainly for the Buddhist Temple Open House but it was fun to see all the vendors and feel the creative energy. Unfortunately I was already starting to get sick so I didn't get quite as excited and inspired as usual when I go to things like these. However, there was a strange and endearing moment: Hannah had left me for the car and Fiona was up the road checking out the rest of the vendors and I had managed to find myself in a little throng of people watching a street magician. He was wearing all orange and had a dry, understated sense of humor that really worked for him. I love magic shows. I know there is a trick to it... I know that there is some kind of mechanical answer to every mystical feat but I don't fucking care. Bring on the illusion and deception and the magic! This orange street magician was pretty fun. At one point he nailed a giant nail into his nasal cavity and this he told us wasn't actually a magic trick, that it was a carnival thing and then he kept starting and stopping so much that his audience was about to have a heart attack. A tall man beside he grabbed my arm and asked if it was okay if he clung to me during the trick. I said yes. So we watched and sure enough the man hammered the nail straight into his head via the sinus. It was so weird and I loved it. 

By Saturday night I was feeling pretty goddamn awful health-wise. It felt like I was getting bronchitis, you know... like I always do. And so I drank lots of fluids, took 1000 units of Vitamin C and headed to bed at about 9 or so. But it was awful and I couldn't sleep. Finally close to 3AM I texted my boss telling her I wasn't sure if I was going to make it. I did get about an hour and a half of sleep before dragging my ass into work. I kept a running dialogue with my boss via text. She was checking up on me, making sure I was doing okay. Well I survived the work day and then drove home. Only I was so out of it that I passed my Pines exit. Passed three other exits. Passed Liberty Lake. And then saw a "Welcome to Idaho" sign. Apparently my sick brain had decided to go to my parent's house for a while. 

So I went to see my Dad, my Mom was at my Aunt's house. And Dad took care of me, put me to bed, brought me tea, patted my back during a coughing fit. Ellie Bellie, the black Persian, also played the Nurse. She kept curling up with me in the bed. I maybe got another hour of sleep before I couldn't take laying flat anymore. Dad was so cute. He was going to pull out more chicken from the freezer so that I could stay for dinner but I told him I had to be getting back so Hannah wouldn't worry about me. He managed to make me stay longer, however, by tempting me with a corndog. But after the corndog, and the microwaved quesadilla, and the coffee, and more Ellie cuddles, and conversation about how horrible people are (we were watching the News), Dad finally let me go.

That evening while watering the pumpkin plant, I found an infant bird. It looked as if it had fallen out of the tree while trying to fly or had somehow been injured. We put in a large box with a towel to keep it comfortable. A friend of ours who knows a bit about birds told us that was the best thing to do. That the parents would come for it later if it was meant to live. The next morning it was dead. 

Starting to submit to Literary Magazines

I'm sprucing up "Woman of After" and going to send it off to three different places later tonight. I am researching and trying to be a good bunny and know exactly what this magazines like to publish but I also know that a second person POV piece will either get me an automatic "no thanks" or a nice long look. So it's a crap shoot. All submitting is a crap shoot. I want to start getting my rejection notes. I have a goal of ten by Christmas. So here goes! I'll have to make a folder for them once they start rolling in. In the mean time I've found a few amazing websites and resources to help me out on this journey and I wanted to share a few of those here.

• Duotrope - a database of literary and genre magazines which highlights periods of open submission as well as if they accept simultaneous submissions. Amazing information. Highly recommended by faculty and mentors of my Grad program. To get the full benefit of this site you have to subscribe. It's $5 a month or $50 a year. Worth every penny in my opinion and I've only just scratched the surface of what this site has to offer.
• The Review Review - I haven't spent much time here yet but I learned about it during a class at Solstice. From what I understand they review various publications and are a great resource to consider when getting ready to start submitting. Their blog is great, too. I found this page to be particularly helpful: What Editors Want.
• Neon - this is actually a site for the Neon Literary Magazine but I found a tremendously helpful blog here about "How to Submit," which gave me a link to an excellent and easy to understand description and example of the format for submitting short stories: Proper Manuscript Format.
• New Pages - a site that is also a great way to look up various literary magazines but it also has a section where magazines call for submissions. It's good to keep an eye on this site because submission openings come and go pretty quickly in the literary world as it turns out.

Books, Books, and More Books!

Editing. That is what I have left for the intense part of the semester. Well and a little writing still. Which I'm going to work on a bit tonight. Basically I need to edit my annotated bibliography, my synopsis, and the last of the actual thesis. And then I'll be done with that part and can move onto the next bit which includes all the good stuff for the residency. I am excited for my class on dystopian world building and I'm really excited to get there and take some amazing classes with the people I've come to know and love. Also I have the best fucking ever wardrobe for this summer. I cannot wait to show it all off! My buddy, E, and I will be chic twins! 

I'm still incredibly sad that Hannah cannot go with me. I had hoped to make it work but financially it just isn't going to happen. But I am going to Skype with her a few times so I can at least introduce her to some of the people there. Especially M. I am very excited to see M. 

Something that's been taking up a great deal of my time lately has been reading. In the past week alone I've read four books. I can't believe it. I'm in a reading kick and I can't eat enough! Including a few more from the week before I've read:

1. The Sumerians by Elaine Landau - the book was a nice summary of the geography and social structure but severely biased by the author's Christian views.
2. Lugalbanda by Kathy Henderson - this was a gorgeous story with amazing illustrations and unlike the first book on the list, this one honored the ancient religion and culture that it detailed. Also this is a retelling of the oldest story ever written - over 4,000 years old!
3. Sexy by Joyce Carol Oates - YA done right. Heartbreaking in some places but in the end it covers everything that a young adult novel is supposed to - including a glimpse of hope.
4. Rape by Joyce Carol Oates - I adore the use of 2nd person POV in selected chapters and I was really surprised by the direction the novel took. And yet I wasn't surprised because Oates laid all the foundation work to guide me to the perfect and inevitable result. Very satisfying.
5. The Book of Lost Things by John Connolly - this book is a great example of bridging between YA and adult fiction. A sort of Narnia for the modern times. Loved the gay soldier.
6. We Were Liars by E. Lockhart - figured it out relatively quickly but that didn't diminish my enjoyment of the novel by any means. I adored the poetic flare of Lockhart's narration.
7. The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian - I was drawn to this book for two reasons: 1) it was banned and 2) it takes place on the Spokane Indian Reservation and Reardon, WA. I loved knowing the places that the narrator talks about and I also loved the cartoon snippets throughout the text. Great story filled with truths that only a diary style novel can get away with telling and lamenting. 
8. Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe - I really enjoyed this book. It can be a bit infuriating at times but the end makes everything so worth it. In fact, if I'm ever having a bad day and need a pick me up, I'll just read the last ten pages. So worth it. 

None of these books are very long, but even still, I finished them all at record speeds for me. I am usually a slow fuddy-duddy reader. Which is why I'm starting to realize that I'm just not meant for adult fiction. At least not meant for it primarily. I feel a draw toward YA and also when I read YA it not only feels right, but it helps me recall and analyze parts of my childhood that I had forgotten or hadn't really processed. In my heart I'm still about fifteen or sixteen and so these books speak strongly to me. No, I'm not still dealing with high school drama or trying to awkwardly figure out the opposite sex (or the same sex as the case may be) but people are people and they are their most beautiful when they are vulnerable. The coming of age stories in the YA I've been reading have all been marvelous. I definitely feel that my mentor and I made the correct choice in making Death Man much more YA than it had previously been. The next projects I am going to work on will also be YA. I just can't get enough of it! Even today at the library I picked up another YA novel. But I'm not going to let myself start it until I finish with all the editing that needs to be done.

So many books. So little time. I'm happy to have found my place. Which is really what YA is all about.

Final Stretch - I'm Gonna Graduate!

So I got the green light from the second reader - but on the condition that I fix the typos in the manuscript before I send it to my Mentor as the final packet and also before I send it to be bound. I'm experiencing a mixture of panic and relief. I want this to be perfect but, dear gods, I'm so freaking tired. Exhausted mentally and physically. I want a break but I don't want to dissolve into a puddle of goo and disappear either. I want to keep working on these projects and eventually write query letters and synopses and treatments and someday, just someday, get a damn book out there. I've been reading like a hungry creature lately (which hasn't helped me get my writing done but it's been very helpful in getting me into the YA mood). I read Sherman Alexie's 'The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian' and E, Lockhart's 'We Were Liars' and also Connolly's 'Book of Lost Things.' And some more Joyce Carol Oates obviously. Because as it turns out I'm a huge fan girl of hers. 

These books have been incredibly wonderful - even when they aren't necessarily pleasant. I have learned so much about pacing and dialogue (things that I was pretty decent with before but always, always, always striving to be better at) and I am excited to incorporate those things into the upcoming workshop pieces for the residency. So far the only things I have left to do: final comb through to fix typos for the Thesis, read a few things for residency, prepare workshop pieces and critique fellow pieces, rehearse my class a few times, and pack all the pretty dresses! Not too bad I suppose. Oh and I also have to register for classes, secure the hotel, finalize plans with my buddy, and send in evaluations. Okay so I still have a lot to do. But I'll get it done. I'm on the home stretch now! I can do it. I really, really can do it!

After a few beers I become emotional...

Maybe just a little bit drunk. Been reading tons lately. I really, really love young adult fiction. I love the pacing, the adventure, the dialogue. All of it. I think I made a mistake not going into YA during my time at Solstice, but if I had done that I might not have met the absolutely amazing fiction writers that I now consider to be my closest of family. I might not have had the mentors I had and would not be writing as I am now (which I do deem to be better than before I joined the program two years ago). I would have still met amazing people and been blessed by their friendship but I feel this was just meant to be in some way. After all, I am the worst horse, (as in the Buddhist proverb worst horse) and I need to do things the hard way, I need to suffer through it, and I need to feel the force of my master's whip through to the marrow of my bones. That way I can know I've truly grown.

Lately I've been reading about Goddesses. I want to find one that I resonate with. I'm on the hunt. I thought it might be Inanna and I'm going to continue my research into her but I am quite taken with the absolute gorgeous compassion of Kuan Yin. She is so selfless and kind - a true goddess to appeal to. Hannah has a Kuan Yin pendant and one time a person tried to tell her it was Buddha. It wasn't. It isn't. It's Kuan Yin. She was a Buddhist nun who turned goddess after she gave her arms and eyes to make her asshole father better from a disease. She grew a thousand arms and a thousand eyes to replace the ones she lost and then became an immortal and perfect presence. I know that the archetypes behind gods and goddesses stem from human traits but Kuan Yin seemed to be better than most humans. Her only hubris was 'disobeying' her father when he gave her unreasonable orders. What a wonderful and kind entity. I need to learn more and more, but for now I'm taking heart in the knowledge that compassion has a name and that is Kuan Yin. 

Slow Going, Sick Galen, and Mermaids

These last couple of weeks have been a headache.  I've been applying off and on for about every job I am "qualified" for, been working every weekend at the bra shop as I am the only CA who can work over a five hour shift at the moment, and been spending 4-6 hours every day working on my novel.  I'm exhausted.  The novel work has been intensive and rewarding but so very slow going.  As I read the YA craft book by Regina L. Brooks, I realized that what I had done wrong from the beginning was to start this story without a clear idea of the setting.  The physical setting has developed and evolved over the past year and now that I have it set in stone (with some flexibility as nothing is ever truly set in novel writing) I've had to restart, rewrite, redraft, and revise.  I learned from this mistake and am going to flush out setting prior to drafting the next time I tackle a novel project. So anyway, it's been slow, slow, slow going.  I am not going to have my full amount of pages for the upcoming packet.  I feel bad. 

After being ill and after revising everything and creating a new outlook on the story and plot, I had a hell of a time getting back into the habit of writing everyday.  I'm back!  I've been practically living at the library and Starbucks is my Patron. (By the way, the Caramel Flan Latte is pretty fucking amazing!) This Monday I am going to spend the whole day at the Library again.  Basically I'm hoping to have thirty good pages for my mentor and then send her another thirty as soon as they are ready. If I have to go in chunks of thirty then so be it.  I just want to keep making progress. She's really excited for this novel to come together and so am I. At work today I talked to the new ASM about which characters live and which ones die and her excitement about the relationships between the characters got me very excited. She told me she would love to see my ideas translated on screen. She hasn't read the material but just hearing her say that was very encouraging today.

Galen, our mini-panther, has bronchitis and is taking antibiotics and steroids twice a day. Consequently, my fingers have become pin cushions. Sometimes he takes the pills well and sometimes he chomps down on my fingers like a wild beast! I really hope he shapes up soon. We lost Yoda a little less than a year ago and we're not ready to go through that again. 

For the past few nights, Hannah and I have been reading about mermaids. We rented a book from the library and each night I read a chapter or two aloud as we cuddle in bed getting ready to go to sleep. I learned about the mermaid fakes. Did you know that mermaid (and sea monster creation) fakes were so popular that the fakes themselves have a name? They are called Jenny Hanivers. I immediately felt compelled to someday write a mermaid tale and include a Jenny character who might have a friend named Haniver. The origin of the name is from the French for girls from Antwerp. We've actually learned quite a bit from the mermaid book so far. Tonight we'll finish it and tomorrow we're going to start a kids book about Chinese Folktales called Auntie Tigress.  

Two Kinds of Homework, or Books and Svadhishthana

For my MFA homework: I'm writing out the origins of my fucked up little city as well as finally giving myself permission to attack this novel as a YA vehicle. My mentor, while always being positive and encouraging, always takes time to give me excellent reading suggestions so that we are both on the same foot as far as concepts and things to try. A few books she suggested that I really enjoyed are St. Lucy's Home for Girls Raised by Wolves by Karen Russell, Disgrace by J.M. Coetzee, The House on Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros, and Structuring Your Novel by Robert C. Meredith.  Earlier today I updated by accumulative bibliography (I use Easy Bib online and I love it! So simple!) and added all of my entries together. I have reached the desired goal of 80 entries including, research articles, novels, books of poetry, graphic novels, selected chapters for critical study and lecture classes. 

Everything I read now is icing on the cake and, as per my mentors suggestions once again, I'm excited get to work reading Writing Great Books for Young Adults by Regina Brooks, The Modern Library Writer's Workshop by Stephen Koch (this is more for after I graduate but I'll peek now!), The Stranger by Albert Camus (this one is a reread), Waiting for the Barbarians by J.M. Coetzee, and (probably after I graduate) On Such a Full Sea by Chang-rae Lee.  I cannot begin to describe how excited I was to get the latest package from Amazon.  I had just ordered the Coetzee, Brooks, and Koch books and knew they would be arriving any day.  They arrived yesterday while I was getting ready for my shower.  I heard the door knock and so I cautiously, nakedly made my way through the hall to peer out though the spy-hole into the stairwell area.  No one was there.  I knew right away it must be a UPS drop off.  So I opened the door and extended a naked arm, as well as one renegade boob, out into the world (because stopping to put clothes on was NOT an option!) and snatched the box quickly into the safety of my home and bosom.

Today's Blog Lesson: Reading is good for you.  Masturbation is good for you.  Any questions?

For Wiccan Spirituality homework: We were given two articles to read and some exercises to try. I've already read the first article and loved it!  Other parts of homework were to interact with and get to know water as an inspirational and life-giving thing, as well as research the second chakra which is the chakra most associated with this element.  Well I found some great sites (Chakra Center, Chakra Anatomy, and Kundalini Yoga Meditation) that offer similar yet valuable information on the second chakra which is known in Sanskit as the Svadhishthana "one's own base."  The thing about the second chakra is that it focuses not on pragmatism but on 'feeling' and creativity. It is, I suppose, the human condition chakra. This is the stem of our feelings and emotions and our sexual drives and desires. It can become clogged and blocked and interrupted which usually leads to a damming of our creativity or an unhealthy obsession with sex in its shallowest of forms.  

Pleasure is good, touching is good, coming together as humans or even exploring one's own self is good. But not at the expense of enjoying the rest of what life has to offer. When this chakra is in good working order, a person's creativity blooms, they feel strong in their sexual identity, they enjoy the release that emotions and sensations have to offer, and they do not fight against their feelings. For women, especially, this is a creative center as it lies within the womb area of our bodies. Even if a woman chooses not to, or has no occasion to, have a child, her uterus is one of the most creative places inside of her. It is in a state of change and hormonal cycling, always growing and losing and starting over again. Painful periods and trouble menstruating may cause blockage in the second chakra and, some believe, blockage in the second chakra can cause painful periods and trouble menstruating. I think this last bit is incredibly interesting. We know that emotions bring on physiological reactions in a person (anger causes tension, adrenaline; grief brings tears, tightness of chest, pain, aches, soreness, etc.) so who's to say how much of our period pain comes from oxygen deprived muscle tissue and how much of it stems from improperly balanced second chakra? Something to think about anyway.

Writing and Me Part I: Bad Dreams, Bad Language, Bad Ass

A recent graduate of the Pine Manor College Solstice MFA program asked me to write a small article about what it's like being a writer and also about my experience being in an MFA program.  I'm not sure where to start exactly and I'm afraid it might exceed her 1-2 page limit, but I suppose, as my mentor has said, chronology is my friend, so I'll start at the beginning.

When I was a kid, I had difficultly sleeping.  Between a busy mind and recurring nightmares, nighttime was not my friend.  However, I did discover two pretty reliable cures for my restlessness: the first was lucid dreaming wherein I controlled every aspect of my dream down to the central players and the plot, the second was to write.  By the time I turned ten years old, my ability to dream lucidly was falling by the wayside, and so I wrote.  And wrote.  And wrote some more.  Pretty soon I'd written a novel.  

To borrow a metaphor from Harold Clurman, author of "On Directing," writing is like gardening and in order to get something good out of it, you have to lay down some shit.  There's a place for bad plays/writing and that is to provide fertilizer for the good stuff to come.  Well, that first 'novel' was pure fertilizer.  And that's exactly what it was supposed to be.  When I was younger I always had a book to read and a book to write in.  My diary did not chronicle my daily affairs, I filled it, instead, with the adventures of Jeremy Arbuct and his extra-terrestrially raised paramour from the past.  That was also shit, awesome shit, but shit nonetheless.  Luckily for me there were a few undigested seeds in the shit pile and they started to grow.  Over the years I gave my garden a constant supply of manure while watering and weeding and tending the small, determined sprouts.  This was my happy place.  One of them, anyway.  The only thing I loved as much as writing and reading, was acting and singing.

I majored in Music Theatre at Mesa State College (presently known as Colorado Mesa University) and took writing classes for electives.  I studied screen play writing, stage play writing, poetry and short fiction.  But there was one class that changed everything for me.  And not in a good way.  I took a fiction class from a professor who looked and spoke like Jimmy Stewart.  He was a nice enough man, but his ideas on writing and literature were dated and, I've come to realize, incredibly destructive.  He wrote his own manual for the class - a sort of 100 page manifesto of what he deemed to be decent literature - and then expected us to practice what he preached.  If you were a female, you could not write from the POV of a male character and vice-versa (which was incredibly limiting and sexist to boot).  Your protagonist cannot swear (which was a real fucking downer) and he or she must be an upstanding moral citizen (another downer because sex, drugs, and rock and roll, man!).  And the piece that I turned in for class was a dry, horrid, literary nightmare.  

I reread it years later and recognized that the story had a decent plot and interesting characters, but it was completely and utterly devoid of voice.  The class not only killed the 'me' in my writing; it killed my desire to write prose at all.  I switched to screen play as my primary writing for a while and eventually that fizzled, too.  But even with my desire gone, I couldn't stay away forever.  I dabbled in science fiction and angel mythology and then I learned about role-play.  For a while my writing hinged on the instant gratification that came from the give and take of partnered writing.  I became a little dependent on it, but, in the end, it was what pulled me out of the shell I had created around myself ever since the Jimmy Stewart look-a-like silenced my voice.  I could write from the viewpoint of a man if I wanted.  Hell, I could write from the viewpoint of an alien, an android, a cat, a sentient and sassy toaster!  And my protagonists could be bad boys with drug habits and foul mouths, or sweet young hookers with hearts of gold, or even tortured souls with violently repressed desires.  I even tried a little fan fiction and that is a strange and delightful creature unto its own.  But the point is, I wrote.  And wrote.  And wrote some more.  I added a fresh layer of  manure of cliches and passive voice to the garden, watered my dried up stems with metaphor and simile, and invited the sun to warm my dialogue once again.  

In November of 2010, I finally officially participated in National Novel Writer's Month (NaNoWriMo), and won.  I wrote a vampire story with a little guy-on-guy action (pretty much two of my favorite things).  With 50,000 words behind me on a single project, I started to feel like myself again.  So I signed up for Script Frenzy, too!  For Script Frenzy, I had to write a 100 page screenplay.  This time around I wrote about dragons and reached my hundred pages easily.  So now I had two projects with some weight to them.  Suddenly the idea of writing things, of being a writer, didn't seem that far-fetched.  I wanted to grow, I needed to grow, and the next logical step was a Masters of Fine Arts.  Seven years after graduating from Mesa State, I applied to two MFA programs, both on the eastern coast.  Only one accepted me.  At the time I took it to mean I was only good enough for one - but I don't think of it that way now.  Somehow I was meant to be part of the Solstice MFA Program at Pine Manor College and that next January began a new and bad ass chapter of my writing life.

Computer, Hotels, and Gore! Oh, my!

First I'll so an update on the not-so-fun stuff.  My new computer from Vizio has yet to appear even though I received an email from them on the fourth of this month indicating it had been sent.  I have called and was promised a return call within forty-eight hours and that was more than forty-eight hours ago.  I've been using my father's computer in the living room for the majority of my internet stuffs and writing.  Today I got my mom's wireless keyboard to work for my old laptop (you know, the one missing the 'F' key) and have been using that today.  I did manage to get some writing done at the library but then after we came home I started my period and pretty much curled up into a little ball of misery.  Meds, heating pad on high, and nap.  Repeat.  And now I'm feeling a bit better.

The other thing that's not-so-fun is that I have to get my hotel accommodations figured out for Boston for Hannah, Eileen, and myself and there's a special rate for Solstice people... a rate that I'm not getting for some reason.  I called and was promised that I would receive an email within 72 hours giving me the reduced rate or giving me a counter offer rate.  As it stands right now I'm stuck with a rate of $199 a night and that doesn't include tax or parking.  That's bullshit.  This promised turn around time was promised much longer than 72 hours ago.  So that means I have two places to call tomorrow.  I'm not happy about this but I suppose that's what being an adult is all about - calling people when you don't want to and being generally disappointed afterwards.  Being an adult sucks.

Something a bit more fun is that last night we had a surprise retirement party for the Assistant Manager at the bra store.  The party was held at the the Manager's house and she cooked homemade lasagna for everyone.  It was a great party but also a little sad.  We're all really going to miss the Assistant Manager.  She's been there over twenty years and has been a wonderful presence on the floor as well as behind the scenes in the office.  The Manager made a toast to her and it was beautiful and tearful.  We drank, we ate, we had delicious cake!  I learned that I may be allergic to alcohol.  I drank almost a whole bottle of wine and while I did feel a nice warm buzz, I felt something else too!  I felt itching in the soles of my feet and in the palms of my hands.  And eyes even went itchy and got all fuzzy.  This happened the last time I drank too and I was positively miserable from the itching of my feet.  I drank hard cider not too long ago and it didn't seem to affect me in a negative way aside from some heartburn but the last two times I've really consumed a large amount of alcohol this has happened so... I'm not sure what that means or if the alcohol is even to blame.  Could be a spice, who knows.  But I do know it sucks.  Just like being an adult sucks.

You know what doesn't suck though?  Attack on Titan (Shingeki no Kyojin) definitely doesn't suck.  It's an anime that Hannah and I binged watched the last couple of nights.  We watched fourteen bloody episodes and can't wait to finish it.  It's really exciting and like most dystopian art pieces, it shows the delicate balance of the outside and inside threats.  The characters are amazing, too.  And the animation when they are in battle and using their omnidirectional gear is stellar!  The premise of the story is that giant humanoid beings appeared suddenly on earth and pretty much ate humanity to near extinction.  Humans are now hidden behind giant walls that keep the huge predators out but as with every perfect system, it fails.  It's pretty intense to watch giant human faces munching down on any little human they can get their hands on.  What's even worse is that the giants (so called Titans in the anime) don't even require food to survive.  They are eating us just for fun.  Pretty shitty, huh?  I love it!  After I finish more work on Death Man, Hannah and I are going to binge through and finish the series and then start watching Blue Exorcist.  

Also, we are going to finish reading No. 6 just as soon as the library gets in the copies I put on hold a little while ago.  It's a pretty hot series right now and a lot of people are checking it out so it may be a while before we get our turn.  All of this dystopian anime is really getting me in the mood for teaching my class.

This next residency I have to teach an hour long lecture on the things I learned while writing my critical thesis.  It's all about dystopian world building and I would like to share with you, because I can, the class description that I recently had to turn in for the director of our program.  

Dystopian World Building and Other Disasters

“People ask me whether I feel any hope for the future. I want to say to you: Yes, I do. I absolutely do. Not hope for the human race; we’re screwed. But I feel tremendous hope for the Insect Overlords who shall succeed us as masters of the Earth.” ― M.T. Anderson

What’s the difference between a dystopian world and a ‘normal’ one?  How does one create that difference through narrative voice? In this class we’ll explore dystopian world building by breaking it down into key elements.  I’ll be drawing heavily from M.T. Anderson’s Feed to demonstrate how narrative voice can create a fully realized dystopian backdrop without muddying up the story with extraneous information.  

                                                                                                     

Suggested Reading: Feed by M.T. Anderson, The Road by Cormac McCarthy

Suggested Viewing: Equilibrium, WALL-E, District 13, Repo! The Genetic Opera

Questions:  In Feed (and other dystopian movies and books) what is at stake when a character resists the controlling element?  What does the phrase ‘make the strange familiar and the familiar strange’ mean to you?

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

The good is that I have an interview tomorrow with the District Manager for the L'eggs Hanes Bali store in Post Falls.  If I do well, I may be offered the position of Third Key.  This is good.  But even better is that next Thursday I have another interview.  This one is for the Public Services Associate position for the Spokane Valley Library.  I want this one.  Oh, I want this one so bad!  I'm happy that I made it to the interview stage (and what's even more exciting is that they called me the day after I dropped off my application!) and as long as I don't make a fool out of myself, I think I have a really good chance.  If I do land this job, that means that Hannah and I will be getting out asses to Spokane in the very near future.

We have looked online and in person at several apartments in the area and the one that we've both pretty much fallen in love with is Valley 206.  This apartment complex has everything we could possibly want and it's one of the more reasonably priced ones that we checked out.  The location is a little strange and it's going to suck during heavy ice and snow this winter but, hey, that's why we have a Jeep, right?  Also it's super close to the Library where I *crosses fingers* might be working.

The bad is that this computer - the one I am using until my new Vizio laptop arrives - is really just about kaput.  There's a double line running vertically on the monitor where some pixels have frozen or broken somehow, the front corners of the main body are chipped away and cracked, it runs at an astounding glacial speed, it is given to overheating, and today I broke the 'F' key.  Not an F1 or other various F key.  The 'F' key.  The one I use to spell fuck.  Normally this would only be a minor set back, but today is Death Man day and I've had some major issues getting the story down when the F key flips off the keyboard when I use it too frequently.  Oh, well.  New computer will be here soon, I just have to keep telling myself this.

The ugly is my dirty little secret: I'm obsessed with No. 6.  I have read the first six volumes of the manga and seen the first four episodes of the anime.  It's been a great source of inspiration for me with Death Man as it features a religiously driven hegemonic society that calls itself a utopia but is, in fact, a monumental dystopia.  The main characters Rat (Nezumi) and Shion remind me a bit of my Death Man and Simon but not in any way that makes me go 'oh no, my novel's already been written!'  No, this story is nothing like Death Man but has a similar enough flavor that it has nourished me in my own endeavors.

Plans and Plots

I cannot say for sure but it seems my other coworker has bowed out of the 'Third Key' race.  While this means I have a much better chance now (almost a guarantee), I don't feel any better.  I'm excited for this job but at the same time it won't be enough money for Hannah and I to take the next step in our lives and move to Spokane.  I adore my parents but it is time.  It. Is. Time.  We need to be responsible individuals living on our own again, making all the decisions, decorating how we want, cooking how we want, staying up and sleeping in, or vice-versa.  We need to be independent!  And Third Key would help but it would be just another step up the retail ladder that I plan on abandoning someday in the future.  However, there's another job, a library job, that I'm applying for in person tomorrow.  I don't think it will pan out but if any of my readers can spare some positive energy... this is kind of the one I want.  Bad.  It is same amount of hours as Third Key but almost twice the pay and it has the makings of a career.  Also, books.  Lots and lots of books everywhere!  And I would get to play with them all day!  It just seems kind of like the perfect job for me.  

No matter what I hope I at least get an interview.  The application is one of those that you fill out on the internet and have to print out right away because the information doesn't save.  Well, I did the backspace thing a couple of times where you have highlighted more than just one line and then push the button and the entire page goes back, not just the text.  So I lost the application twice.  Had to refill it it out over and over again.  I now have everything about my last three jobs completely memorized.  Not something I'm proud of.  Anyway, the application is a three fold: long ass application, spruced up resume, and a signed cover letter.  All of this must be turned in by tomorrow at noon.  I will be there a bit earlier because I have to be back in Coeud'Alene to pick up my friend's brother and drive him home from NIC, but also because I kind of hope they talk to me a little bit.  Even if it's stupid chatter, I hope the Human Resources people remember me.  And then I hope they call me back in for an interview.  And then I hope they hire me.  I could really see myself being happy at a job like this.  And I tell you what, it would be nice to have enough money to actually make it for a change.  

Tonight, before I began the brutal process of filing out and refiling out the application, I read three new pages of Death Man to my mother.  She was pretty invested in what I wrote and she's a bit surprised with how different its turning out.  Cutely she suggested we sit down together and work on the story all day on Thursday.  We're going to storyboard the whole thing (or finish what I started in the storyboard department) and I'll pump out the next few scenes.  I'm glad she's showing such interest and attention.  It should be fun and honestly she's a pretty tough editor/slave driver when she wants to be.  And her reaction to the new pages was, for the most part, exactly what I would hope for from an audience so that was rather encouraging.  Onward and upward I go with this stupid novel!  It's been the bane of my existence but it's getting somewhere, slowly but surely.

A Surprise Visit and a Few Good Books

Today at work one of my Solstice MFA fellows came by the store!  Geographically this is very cool.  He's from Oregon but is driving through to Montana and stopped at Post Falls to hug and squeeze none other than me!  K introduced me to his wife and four kids (aged: baby, 2, 4, and 6).  Apparently when they were driving up, his wife said, "Do you guys wanna meet one of Daddy's friends?" To which their replied, "yes."  But when I rushed out of the store to come and greet them, the eldest, a daughter, cried, "But she's a girl!"  I thought that was pretty cute.  Yes.  Daddy's can in fact have friends that are girls.

But not only was my sex a surprise, I was also of great interest to the second eldest, a son, who asked what my medal was for.  I was wearing a pretty cameo necklace that I had borrowed from Hannah.  It was strung on a pretty white ribbon about my neck and I guess the shape of it reminded him of award medals.  Because when I cocked my head, he asked again, "What did you win that medal for?"  I wasn't sure what to say but I told him I won it by wrestling it away from Hannah, ergo it was a wrestling medal.  To which he was pretty impressed.  

They weren't able to stay long but it really did make my day!  Aside from K's surprise visit to the store my day was filled with helping pre-teens and teens find starter bars.  I swear today must have been drag your daughter to get fitted day, alternately known as "Please, honey, you can't wear shitty sports bras the rest of your life!"  I fitted three girls - there was a fourth but she didn't let me fit her and she was an absolute sour puss and hated all of our bras (what she really wanted was a Victoria's Secret bra to push up her knockers and ours were just too practical for her).  A couple of the girls I fitted though were a real delight to work with and they went home with a good selection of cute but supportive bras and some matching panties!  

After work I came home and ate all the things.  I ate several slices of a crumb cake that our friend, C, left here as well as a very good sized portion of biscuits and gravy.  I don't even know how I fit it all in there.  I'll chalk it up to period binge and try to eat with greater balance tomorrow.  Speaking of tomorrow, I need to get it over with because I really need a day to just work on homework.  Apparently Monday (my day off) is going to be filled with Kroc exercise, plasma donation, and getting new tags for the car.  This translates into a long ass day.  I also have to go to the library for a while on Monday and pick up some new books and drop off an old one - that book being Zombie.  

E told me not to read Zombie by Joyce Carol Oates, so of course I immediately went off and read it.  I actually really liked it.  There was one part that made me a little sick (the very graphic description and visual aide of lobotomy) but other than that I found the gore and sexual violence to be just disturbing enough to make the point but not over the top.  Overall it was just a heartbreaking novel and written well enough that I found myself empathizing with the killer as well as his victims, his zombies.  I actually really want to own this book.  There's one line in it that I almost want tattooed on me: "If you had a heart, that is how it would be broken." Now that I've read a book that wasn't actually on my reading list, I suppose it's time to get down to business with the ones that are.  Currently I'm reading Structuring Your Novel by Meredith.  And it's kind of amazing.  I'm doing all the exercises in it to map out my Death Man novel and I'm already excited to use it to map out my other novels, too.  

Things and Stuff

First up are the things I'm looking forward to: *clears throat* I'm looking forward to getting trained for the PTI driving job this Thursday, I'm looking forward to going to the doctor's this Friday to get my knee checked out (oh, I sound so old saying that!).  I'm looking forward to reading all sorts of good things very soon, some of which my friendy-friend lent me.  Totally looking forward to working out more and more at the Kroc and getting into shape!  I'm looking forward to the upcoming camping trip the 20th through the 22nd.  Also I'm looking forward to introducing my second semester mentor at the faculty readings at the residency!  Last but not least, I'm looking forward to tackling some more of my dust bowl novel tonight.

Things that I'm not looking forward to are as follows: Totally not looking forward to reading a bullshit article for workshop - I've already read this article once and loathed it, and I have a feeling Sandra (the woman running the second half workshop) loves it.  Also, while we're on the topic, not looking forward to having Sandra for workshop as she loathes me about as much as I loathe that article and it's quite a bit.  Not looking forward to having to change over Hannah's and my Driver's Licenses (but it's so we can have the job we're both looking forward to so this one is only a minor annoyance).  Not looking forward waking up at seven on Thursday (but again it's for that job so it's a necessary sacrifice).

And now for stuff!  I have a list of cool shit I absolutely need!  Mostly I need this Game of Thrones T-shirt which reads "F*ck the King."  I also need all of Saga, as well as The Worst Hard Time, The Dream Eater, and Deadlock Volume 1.  Some of this stuff is meant for practical purposes, some is meant for pleasure.  Other stuff!  I totally know what I'm going to wear to introduce Sterling at Residency (the purple and lace) and I also know what I'm wearing to graduation (the black lace dress)!  The fact that I have cute outfits picked out is sort of a big deal for me!  Usually I have no clue what I'm even going to pack for Boston until the night before and then I usually end up forgetting something important *cough* like bras *cough*.

Self-Inflicted NaNoWriMo

Who wants to join me in June?   I have a few things I have to finish up this month and then I'm going to embark on a journey of fifty thousand words.  Or at least fifty pages.  I'm going to get a jump start on my creative thesis so that after the residency I can actually finish this damn book!  I'm going to work on The Summer of August Hunt instead of Death Man.  I adore the latter but I just have no direction for it.  The former, on the other hand, I have completely mapped out.  Part of me wonders if I should ask for Randall Kenan as a mentor since this type of story is right up his alley (the whole magical realism thing) but my first choice, I think, is going to be Steve.  Honestly, it depends what I am able to get done of it before going as well as who is most receptive to the story idea.  Sterling Watson really enjoyed the writing for this story but he did mention the genre is not his cup of tea.  He would give wonderful feedback in technique and composition but I wonder if I need someone who will also enjoy going through the pages (there will be a lot of them and I don't want this to be a painful process for me or my mentor).  I will present my idea to several people and just see what sort of happens.  I'm taking David Yoo's class and am actually going to use the very beginning of this novel as the example for it so we'll see if he leaps at the ideas contained within or if he raises an eyebrow at me.

It's strange.  I always thought it would be Death Man.  A friend suggested that I write a few novellas for Death Man and I may try that later.  For now though, I think what I have on my hands with The Summer of August Hunt is a fairy tale of sorts and the structure is just so clean.  I know that the writing is what generates the story (in fact I pretty much can't write unless I have my hands happily arched under QWERTY row) but to have a sort of grand-master plan is going to be a tremendous help in getting the story out quickly and cleanly.  I love the characters in the story and while it's geared toward a Young Adult audience it doesn't pussy-foot around the big issues of the time including who or what you can trust.

In the meantime, I have a few things left!  I have to read Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins, read the article for Eileen's class, prepare three reading segments (one of those can be written at the residency), prepare for David's class which entails bringing in selections from YA novels as well as a selection from my own, and do one last read through of my critical thesis and ship it off to Tanya and Meg!  Most of this will be done either tonight of early tomorrow.  Adding to my list of to-dos however is a job interview at 11:30 tomorrow for Professional Transportation Inc.  I forgot that I had even applied for them!  All the other jobs have said no.  So we'll see how the interview goes tomorrow with PTI.  There's one more job I'm going to apply for and it's for the Liberty Lake Library heading up the Young Adult and Children's section.  I want this job so bad that my gut hurts just thinking about it.  It's in Liberty Lake which is more of a drive than I had wanted to worry about for a job, but it's everything I've ever dreamed of.  It is one part book stuff, one part education, and one part kids.  It's perfect.  I have until June 13th to get the application for that done, but again, I'm hoping to get all of this stuff done before the first.  Oh and I have my end of term evaluation to do!  That will also be tonight, I hope.

During June the only things I want to worry about are: writing SoAH, reading and critiquing workshop pieces, work, a few camping dates, and getting my ass in gear exercising at the Kroc.  What I have to work on most, I think, is time management.  I want to make sure I give my girlfriend and family a good portion of my time, as well as spend time playing with my friends.  I can do all of this if I just figure out which hours of which day need to go to which activity.  I know that at work I can get a good deal of work-shopping done (we still have slow moments here and there), and on the days I don't work I can work my buns off at the library or at home or even at my friend's house writing on SoAH.  This will come together.  I know it will.  It freaking has to!  There's one more thing I have to worry about and I want to work on that tonight as well if there's time: getting all the graduation plans in order.  I actually have a pretty good idea of what I want to do.  If I can, I'm going to do a quick digital design of how I envision the decorations going.  But that may have to wait a day or two (perhaps it could be a fun project to do with my more digitally savvy friends).