October Halloween Oracle Daily Draw

So I haven't updated in a long time. So much has happened this summer: gardening, an anime convention, a visit from a dear friend from back east, the desire to start up Taiko drumming, a call to volunteer for the Kuroneko Cultural Association, Hannah doing assistance work at our friends' bakery, a lovely Rocky Horror Birthday for a friend, and a wonderful birthday/Mabon for me, all sorts of things. I have lots of pictures which I want to photo dump into a post on here. But all that aside, I wanted to talk about October.

This month is so very precious and stressful to me for all the obvious reasons and for some not so obvious ones. In years past this month has been an initiator of change. I started work at the Spokesman-Review on October 9th, 2015. I began moving to Spokane at that time. In 2017 Hannah and I married, forced to re-home, went on a honeymoon, and began the home buying process. This October I want the change to be less physical and more spiritual and mental. So to get that going I'm preparing for NanoWriMo and also doing a daily card draw from the Halloween Oracle Deck. 

~MONDAY the 1st~

Skull of Flowers - phoenix energy and an understanding that sometimes things must burn/fall apart before they can come together better/newer/stronger. I've been feeling Baphomet a lot recently and written upon the deity's arms is the phrase: solve coagula. This means 'to separate' and 'to join together' and stems from the principle of Alchemy that  you cannot build something that is not, without breaking apart something that is.

~TUESDAY the 2nd~

Invisibility - the idea that being unseen can be a good thing when it comes to gathering information or doing an anonymous good deed. Also the acknowledgment that certain creatures/beings practice invisibility as a way of concealing their true selves for protection or to exhibit power or superiority. However when looking at invisibility in ourselves we should examine the intention of our hiding. If we are hiding ourselves due to fear or showing our true selves, or shyness, or unwillingness to share our gifts and talents... then that may be a case of unhealthy invisibility. For me this card means I need to continue pushing myself to explore new things and not be afraid to showcase my abilities and be proud of what I have to offer. 

I'm a real grownup! Maybe?

This is going to be a sort of a list update. Firstly I want to say that I did get a new phone with new phone number. So if you don't hear from me, or you've texted me with no reply, that's most likely why. Send me a message or email me with your number and we'll get all square. In addition to a new phone I now use apps! Shocking. Scary. I know. I was even able to upload my Starbuck's gift cards to the Starbuck's app so that I can use my phone to get coffee. Mind. Blown.

Speaking of adulting, last week I went to the Pin for Goth Night. It was a bit dead. Which is funny because it was Goth Night, hurrhurr. But it was kind of neat. Hannah and I and one of our witchy friends went out to unleash our inner macabre. It was interesting. And it was free. That's the big key here, it was free and it was an excuse to go all out with black lipstick, dark eyes, frizzy hair, black clothes, and awkward swaying. I actually had a very good time. I had to work the next day so we ended the evening at 10:30PM. 

In other news, I finished the first book of the Seventh Tower series and am now working on number two. This weekend we are celebrating Hannah's birthday. The plan so far is for her and I to go on a writing date at Barnes and Noble starting as soon as we get our butts out the door. And then about 6 or so that night we'll meet people at Peking North for dinner. I'm excited for this as I've been yearning to get back to work on some Death Man. I've been a terrible person - or actually - you know what - I haven't been a terrible person. I've simply not been actively writing. Which doesn't make me terrible. Damn inner critics and mentor's echoes in my head have convinced me that I must be terrible if I went to school for writing and am not currently writing. But that's bullshit. I'm not terrible.

Last news: I'm playing DnD with some friends. I'm going to play a straight & narrow Paladin. He's the babysitter type who doesn't cuss, doesn't drink, doesn't do anything improper. He abides by a strict moral code and is generally not very fun at a party. This should be fun considering he's teaming up with a succubussy tiefling, a rogue, and a clumsy monk. And then another character who I don't know yet. Anyway, it's interesting. I think this is what he's going to look like - see below!

Nancy, Faces of Death, and Dry Ice Birthday

Cousin Kat came up for Labor Day weekend to say goodbye to her Grandma Nancy. Even though she couldn't be there for the funeral and won't be there for interment, being able to come up and say goodbye in her own way was really necessary for closure. So she came up and Hannah and I pretty much adopted her for while she was in town. It was really nice getting to spend some time with her and I am sad that she's gone already. I'll get to spend some more time with her in October at the end of the honeymoon though and that will be good.

Our goodbye to Nancy was a crazy day. First of all, Washington and Idaho and surrounding areas are absolutely filled with wildfire smoke right now. It's like a permanent haze of filth and yuck and it's making everyone sick. We woke to this smoke on Labor Day and knew already the day was going to be weird. That morning we went to see friends and to go through some of the things they are getting rid of. I found an athame among other things. Also she lent me her stature representation of the god Herne (Cernunnos) so that we could work with him before the wedding. I'm going to spend some time with him over the weekend.

For me he's 'horned god' instead of a name because I always feel like I'm saying or using the names wrong. I want to really meditate on his aspects and find out which aspect I would like to write into the handfasting ceremony script. All aspects are welcome of course, but I would like my words to make sense when I write them and for that I need a little time to get to know him better.

After visiting our friends we headed to my mom's house and debated whether to go all the way over the hill to visit Nancy's 'soon to be' grave or not considering the awful weather. In the end it was just too important not to go. So we headed over east and stopped in Kellogg to look around. Kat was feeling very nostalgic so we drove around some of her old haunts and relived some memories. We also went to where Nancy's spirit burned down a building - at least we're pretty sure it was Nancy's spirit. An old hotel and a bed and breakfast burst into flame on the night of her memorial rosary. The cause of fire is still yet to be determined. Which in my mind means Nancy did it. She was a feisty lady in life, of course she would be just as feisty in spirit form. 

While we drove up in that area we happened up on a video rental store going out of business and we decided on a whim to go and check it out. Turns out it was more than just a rental store. The man running the store was a witch, if not Pagan, and had a ton of really neat witchy stuff as well as super rare and bizarre collectibles. He was also a gore and horror movie aficionado and had movies that most of us will never see a hard copy of in real life.

He had 'Faces of Death' and 'Nekromatik' and many others. I picked up Chaos and Martyrs since I, too, enjoy horror and gore. I also found a small cast iron cauldron with pentacles on either side. And Hannah found some CDs and an old copy of Gothic Beauty magazine which we will most likely be framing some articles from. Kat even found some neat things. It was a really surreal experience going into that shop. He said he works a different job and so he only opens up this store on Mondays. How fortuitous of us to be there on a Monday. 

After this we went to the Day Cemetery in Osburn. Nancy remains are going to be laid to rest with Uncle Frank's remains. So we visited Uncle Frank's grave to visit him and also to say goodbye to Nancy because we were pretty darn sure her spirit was already there even if her ashes weren't. We gathered around the headstone. We lit some sage and a grandma candle for Kat (she can take it home and light it when she needs some grandma Nancy love) and did a small blot, passing around a growler full of Pepsi, to praise Nan and share our memories of her. It was really nice and at the end of it I felt goosebumps. I know that Kat really needed to have that moment and I'm really glad we made it down there for her.

Since that night, the house had felt a little weird. I noticed something funny in the Bowie room the other night and then again after we came back from the Silver Valley (Kellogg area). I know that Narcisa freaked out horribly after we got back from the Silver Valley and we think it might have been something (a smell? a spirit? a emotion?) that we brought back with us from the old DVD rental place or maybe from the cemetery. Anyway, I think we should do a little smudging this weekend and see if we can't reinvigorate the house for a while and keep things positive.

Last thing: my birthday is coming up. My mother had planned to do a murder party for me (yes, it really is as cool as it sounds!) but she just had surgery and so we're going to put that off for another time. Maybe for Hannah's birthday next spring. Instead, I'm going to put together a lab for 'easy to do at home' science experiments and play the mad scientist for the evening. One of the things I'm definitely going to do is use my old, old fire extinguisher (as long as it's a CO2 based one) and make some mutha-fuckin' dry ice! Please observe this video where the process is made simple and fun.

Obligatory Birthday Blog

So I leveled up. At work they kept saying "oh, now you're finally 21!" They said it so much that when I got home on Wednesday last week I was actually a little confused and had to think "how old am I really?" Well I'm 33. The age Jesus was when he died. The composite of 3 eleven year olds. Not a bad age really. And besides. I don't really care much about age. What I care about is the party that sometimes accompanies the 'aging' process. I had very nice birthday. On the day of, my work decorated my cubicle and chair with confetti, streamers, balloons, and signs that said: Happy Birthday Amanda!! And my two bosses spoiled me with gifts. They gave me a Grumpy Cat coloring book, a package of colored pencils, a giant writing prompts book, and a quill ball-point-pen. It made me feel so very special. And at Dungeons and Dragons one of the players gave me a package of M&Ms wrapped up tight with packing paper. On the paper it said, "Happy Birthday Lars  Amanda" which was adorable. I really enjoy my D&D time with the boys. Even though most of our characters just about died during the previous encounter (fucking spiders and fucking Drow) it was really great way to spend lunch time on my birthday. 

My Friday party was nice. I felt bad that we didn't do it in the club house - not that we really could have since our Apartment management team sort of said "We're out and about so come and find us for the key," on the day of our reservation. It was a very full house and a bit cramped. And one guest in particular was sort of antagonizing, but it turned out very nice and I'm excited to do some more painting in the near future. 

My twins from Moscow came up for the party. They stayed with us through the weekend and played Coven with us on Saturday. I really enjoy that game. It's very bizarre and you really don't know who's going to win until the game is over you do the maths required to suss out the winning Witch. The more we play the easier it will be to teach other's to play. I can't deny that I'm slightly curious about the game expansion called Coven the Village. From what I've read about it, this expansion gives you plot to the otherwise stream of consciousness type game play. 

On a personal note: I really truly cannot believe that summer is over. I didn't really do anything for Mabon and I feel like crap about it. I've never celebrated Mabon! And it makes no sense to me. It's my birthday Sabbat for goddess sake! But then again, I think that perhaps I've always celebrated it, just not in the traditional ways. I've always had treats and gifts and songs and fun. I've always spent Mabon with friends. All of my Mabon'ing' has been experienced through my birthday celebrations. That makes me feel a little better but next year, I think I'll skip a traditional birthday and seek a true second harvest celebration and spend an entire day in the balance of light and dark. Hannah got me David Bowie's last album and a book about Elen of the Ways. Perfect birthday gifts. Maybe next year I'll let Elen be my birthday goddess and guide and we'll take the celebration out into the woods and fields. Maybe we'll follow the deer trods as I level up to 34. 

The 'Now' and a New Challenge for October

Right now Hannah and Tsuki are watching a J-drama in the living room. It's called Good Morning Call and while I'm not really following the show much it's really interesting listening to Hannah and Tsuki bitching out the main characters, chiding them, and squealing over them. Fan-girls are so cute. 

Right now Narcisa is asleep in the Bowie room. She and I have been working on laundry for the past couple of hours but right now she's curled up on a chair snoozing to the sounds of Swedish Folk Fiddling via my phonograph. 

Right now I'm waiting for one load to finish drying and another to finish washing. Right now I'm so freaking tired.

Yesterday Hannah and I celebrated my dad's birthday. I made him a passport with five different locations on it and I tasked my father with putting 'something' from each place into his passport as a keepsake. First was Scandinavia. We went to Little Euro and had crepes and Aebelskivers and egg Florentine. It was all very delicious. Next we went to Japan (a.k.a the Nishinomiya Japanese Garden in Manito Park). It was a slight disappointment because the lawn maintenance guys were mowing and weed eating so it wasn't exactly as tranquil and meditative at the Japanese gardens are supposed to be, but overall it was a great experience. And the koi fish were adorable. After that we went to India. This one was a bit of a stretch; I had them ride the tiger (or sit next to the tiger) on the Looff Carousel downtown. Mom and dad had a good time I think. Hannah rode the tiger side-saddle and I rode the horse in front of her. Next we fed the trash goat. We have a statue outside the Carousel house, it's a metal statue of a goat with a button next to it. When pushed, the button triggers a very strong suction at the goat's mouth and the idea is that you hold up trash and the goat sucks it up and eats it. Dad and I fed the goat pieces of Inlander and other trash and then we helped a young boy and his dad feed the goat. 

These activities didn't take as long as I'd planned. The next stop was supposed to be Germany but we weren't hungry enough for dinner yet so we stopped at a Starbucks for some coffee and chill time and then went to JoAnn's to see all the things. I love their skeleton collection (cats, dogs, rats, vultures, etc.). I can't wait until Hannah and I have a real house and can deck it from top to bottom with everything Halloween. After JoAnn's we went to Das Stein Haus. It was a little different than the first time I was there but it was still good. Everyone enjoyed their food but I did learn to go during the week Mon-Thurs for the best deals. I'm keeping that in mind for the future. After Germany we were supposed to go and see a movie but mom and dad were pretty tuckered out so they headed home and Hannah and I went grocery shopping. We went a little crazy but dang we are set. Our fridge is totally stocked and we have all the fixings for some fun meals this month. 

Back to now: Hannah made fresh bread from scratch. As soon as the butter softens, we will be consuming a slice of the freshness. 

And now, looking ahead I'm thinking about working on a spell challenge for October. A friend linked me a 'spell a day' writing challenge a long time ago and I was looking through it and decided that it sounded promising for October, however I'm not going to try to write 31 spells in one month. What I'm going to do instead is make a list of fifteen spell prompts for the month of October and pull every other day. It will go like this: Day 1 - pull a prompt and write a spell. Day 2 - find/create a sacred space and perform the spell (with others or solitary, your choice). Day 3 - pull a promt and write a spell. Day 4 - perform that spell. And so on and so forth. However that leaves one odd day at the end of the month: October 31. For that day I'm going to reflect on how the spells that I've woven and worked during the month have seemed to influence my state of being or the course of events. So, for now this is the project plan. I think it would be a great way to tap into creativity and spirituality just in time for Witche's New Year. 

Birthdays and Optimus Prime

With the help of some wonderful friends, I managed to throw Hannah a surprise Birthday party on her actual Birthday.  I don't know that I've ever been able to surprise her like this before.  We went to Spokane to celebrate the Crow Moon - my parents came up separately and set up a shit ton of Monster High dolls and party decorations in a spare room - and afterwards one of the members of the Pagan council took Hannah aside and I ushered everyone into the party room. Then Hannah showed up and we screamed surprise at her.  She immediately ran away.  Which was fantastic. I dragged her back into the room and we sang Happy Birthday. She opened gifts while the pagans ate cake (a lovely cake that my mother made for the occasion) and drank sodas, coffee, and tea. It was a great evening and afterwards we went to Dennys with two friends and proceeded to have one of the most inappropriate conversations we've ever had... in public. That, too, was great.

In other news, my friend, J, who is more like a sister than mere friend, gave birth to her third child today.  J texted me during labor, talking about contractions, the epidural, and all sorts of things.  I felt like I was part of it and while I wanted her to stop texting and focus on getting the baby out, I actually really enjoyed the back and forth.  We now have a Kaylin Marie in the world.  J had to have a Cesarean because the little baby wasn't as little as the doctors had first thought.  I'm glad the baby's here.  She was supposed to be here a couple of days ago and then she would have been a birthday twin for Hannah.  Oh well, the seventh is a good day, too. 

In other other news, we are taking our friend Fi to Seattle in two weeks and her parents, wanting to make sure our car was road worthy and reliable, fixed my car at no charge to me.  There were many things wrong with good old Optimus Prime (the least of which being fucked up fuses and misfiring codes) and Fi's dad, who is a mechanic at Dave Smith, took the car in and fixed pretty much everything he could find.  I'm very excited for the trip now and I'm going to make a concentrated effort to be as mother-fucking positive as possible.  This was truly a blessing and I am determined to treat it as such and enjoy every moment of this mini-vacation that otherwise would not have been possible.    

Birthday!

I turned 31 this past Sunday.  For the most part it was a very low key birthday.  Hannah and I went to Spokane and celebrated Mabon with the IEPG folks the day before.  I reconnected with a friend, K, who I hadn't seen in about four years or so.  She has been through quite a bit life-wise and relationship-wise.  When I saw her on Saturday she looked happier than I ever thought she could be.  K moved out here to be with her partner.  I have to say it's a small world really.  We met K on the internet through Y!Gallery which is an art site specializing in yaoi (male x male) stories, drawings, and paintings.  At that point she lived in Texas.  After Hannah and I moved to Wichita, KS we were able to visit her a few times.  After we moved back up to the Northwest, K moved to the Northeast.  But now she's out here and about thirty minutes away from us!  I was worried at first that it might feel different or strange or awkward, reconnecting after such a long time but it wasn't.  It was very relaxed and, as I already said, she looks and feels so happy.  I'm glad she's here.  I really think this area is perfect for her.

After the events of Mabon, Hannah and I drove our other friend, C, home to Kellogg.  We stayed the night and did some tarot readings.  I absolutely love the journey spread associated with the Shadowscapes deck illustrated by Pui-Mun Law.  This spread is just perfect!  And it's really helped me be able to analyze the cards and link them together for meaning.  All lit students and writers should do tarot I think - readings rely so heavily on symbolism, interpretation, extrapolation, and repetition that it feels just like breaking down a novel in some ways.

The next day we spent some time with the parents.  Dad hurt his leg really badly during his trip visiting his sister and so we didn't go out and do lunch at Denny's as we'd planned, rather we ordered pizza and stayed in.  Hannah and I both worked on homework and then I got a lovely birthday call from my friend D.  We chatted for probably two hours.  We had lost touch for a while and we've been really working on keeping up our relationship via phone.  This has been a really good thing for me and I think it's been good for her too - tightening up the link between us and trying to encourage each other as we continue on our strange respective paths.  After all of that, Hannah and I went to the twins' house for the evening.

We chatted, did some tarot, and chatted some more.  B and I made up a new alphabet for private messages.  It makes no sense and yet perfect sense.  Who needs 26 letters anyway?  The next morning however, I got a present from my uterus.  Had to cut the birthday visit short.  At home I curled up in the recliner with a heating pad, some pain killers, and a cat purring on my boobs.  I snored through my first day as a 31 year old.

Before My Birthday Goals

This Saturday I turn the dreaded 3-oh.  I will be spending it down in Moscow with some friends and in order to make sure I have a nice and relaxed time, I have some MFA related things that need to be finished prior to Saturday morning.  I need to finish at least two of the four following books:  One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep, The End of the Affair, and The Heart of the Matter.  I have so very many more books to read - two of which where written by none other than my mentor, and several more that detail sci-fi and Dystopian landscapes.  I'm feeling a bit of a crunch because my critical thesis is going to happen next semester and I'm really struggling this time around with writing a truly effective craft analysis.  Creatively, I'm writing fragmented scenes and drifting a little.  I am still very involved in the project and since I have two protagonist's (one main one and one to act as a foil) I do get a break in POVs occasionally that helps to keep my narrative from getting too comfortable and losing flare.

I have a few weeks left before this packet is due.  This one is kind of important.  Also I need to have either two more complete chapters to submit for workshop (new and bizarre and unique) or I need to have two short stories or pieces of short stories.  There just isn't enough time in the day.  And sleep seems to me to be very overrated.  When I was in college I stayed up for a little over 72 hours straight.  It was during the Rocky Mountain Theatre Festivention and I was taking part of a critique writing contest.  I totally won.  The experience afforded me a few things, one of those things being a shiny plaque and a check for $100.  Other things I learned were: hard work and going further than others does pay off, espresso tastes like shit but does the job, and that sleep deprivation creates edginess in writing.  The last of these things is what I rather hope for in the days to come.  For now, however, I think I need to stock up on a little bit of sleep, get all my ideas straight in my mind, then throw sleep to the curb.  I need edge in this story and I want to plow onward and upward, I want to keep the herd moving west, I want to generate as much new material as I can so that when fourth semester comes I can chop and rewrite and mangle what I've got down instead of trying to pull some slipshod ending out of my ass.

I only work two more days before my birthday.  Usually at work I can get at least thirty pages read but lately we've been slammed.  It's not that I want boring days at work, but I wouldn't mind like a few thirty minute periods where we can just sit sip coffee and I can read.  As it is, we're running around like chickens sans heads from the moment we open until close to closing time.  When I get home from all of this, I feel so drained that reading is out of the question and writing is a faraway dream.  Tomorrow I'm off, however, and I want to keep pushing on the books that I'm reading, but mostly I want to get some Simon written.  What's so great about one of the books I'm reading, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, is that Billy Bibbit has a very pronounced stutter and I recently decided that the reason Simon doesn't talk to strangers in my novel is that he stutters, so now I get to see how Kesey handled the actual writing of the dialogue in his story.

Bra Fits, Packets, and Birthdays

This week at work I finally finished the 25 bra fits required for my work certification.  I am now an official 'fitter' and am past my probational period.  I've been working at LHB for four months now and there is very little to complain about, in fact, I really enjoy this job.  It has a few things going for it that my previous jobs didn't.  Firstly, it's a part-time schedule that changes slightly from week to week allowing for flexibility in when I work.  Secondly, it's a tiny group of employees - there are only six of us and we all get along.  Thirdly, it's low stress and while it does have some dragging moments, it's never really boring.  On the days when we have few customers we pass the time with restocking pegs, catching up on each others' lives, drinking coffee, or talking about food, family, significant others, and soap operas.  We have had a few shoplifting cases lately and so we've had to be extra on the lookout when we have several customers in the store, but aside from that, it's been just great.

Now, if only my homework was going as smoothly.  I've tackled the creative portion of the writing and have two lengthy and (I think) nicely composed chapters.  My mentor's past comments were tremendously helpful in restructuring and expanding certain scenes and I think that this packet's creative work will be very well received.  It's the critical stuff I'm having an issue with.  I know what I'm going to write, now I just need to do it.  Today was set aside for homework and I woke with the vigor of a student ready to tackle the world!  But then my period happened.  It's been one of the worst ones I've had in a while and I've been in so much pain all day and so drugged up on pain killers that my head's been in a fog and I haven't gotten a damn thing done.  I'm finally clearing up a little - which means I probably need another round of Ibuprofen.  I need to write at least one paper tonight, but even just writing this blog post has been a challenge to me.  My eyes keep trying to close and my head starts to nod forward.  I'm thinking of taking a nap and then waking up sometime in the wee hours of the morning.

I do have until the sixth to submit the packet and typically the craft analyses don't take more than a few hours to write out and proofread.  Once I get started on them, I crank them out pretty efficiently.  But it's Hannah's birthday on the fifth and we are leaving on Monday to spend two nights in Bonner's Ferry at the casino with my aunt and mother.  We'll have our own room and hopefully my period will be over by then as I reckon there'll be some loving to be had.  There should also be time at the casino to read, write, edit, and work on homework but it would be nice to be completely done with everything before we left.

Hobbit Day

A friend would like to celebrate Hobbit Day this year and, as it falls a day after my birthday, I see this as a perfect excuse to extend the party.  On the twenty-first of this month I will be making a trek down to Moscow to celebrate my twenty-ninth birthday with my girlfriend, my cousin, and my favorite twins.  The celebration will span the weekend into the following Monday.  We'll be going out to a Japanese restaurant, snagging a few drinks, playing Munchkin and other games, and enjoying a marathon of fighting girl anime.  The rest of the time the plan is to relax, maybe do a little shopping, and, of course, celebrate Hobbit Day.  My plan, and I shall run this by the weekend troopers, is to eat like hobbits (OFTEN! and dining on a menu of scrumptious cheeses, crispy bacon, hearty vegetables, bakery fresh bread, and nice hot tea), run around barefoot whenever possible, go on a quest (most likely to Lewiston), and have a reading from the Lord of the Rings or The Hobbit.  Maybe we'll even adopt Hobbit personas for the day.  If we do that, I demand to be Pippin.  And I demand beer.  Hobbit beer.  

For further hints on how to celebrate Hobbit Day like a true book worm (or movie buff) please visit these links:

• Lord of the Rings New Year's Menu
• Middle-earth Food and Drink
• How to celebrate Hobbit Day (I swear they stole my ideas!)
• Food and Diet of Hobbits