You win some you lose some...

Two things happened at work yesterday.  Firstly, I accidentally spilled the beans on the assistant managers retirement party.  But come on!  She had to know we were throwing her one - it shouldn't have been a surprise at all.  That being said I felt like a complete jerk the rest of the day.  But she hugged me after work and usually I only get hugs from the coworkers before I leave for Boston or before one of them leaves for a long trip.  Or for birthday.  So this hug was spontaneous and I think it was meant as a 'it's okay, I won't tell anyone you spilled the beans' and also a 'I know you're applying and applying and things will work out somehow just hang in there.'  Which leads me to the second thing: I checked my voice-mail on the way out of work and the Spokane Valley Library called and informed me that they went with a different applicant.

Honestly, I'm not surprised.  Before I even stepped into that library for the interview I didn't think I would be getting the job.  Something didn't click. It was strange.  I'm not even really that beat up about it - I did sob hysterically last night but not over the library job per se, more over what not getting it means.  I'm in a tough spot now.  I have my second interview with Barnes and Nobles on Monday in the morning and weirdly enough this was the job I wanted from the start.  I have wanted to work at a book store for a very long time and when the assistant manager of B&N sat down with me, we not only clicked, I got really, really excited about how much fun this job could be.  Also there are ways to move up in the company rather quickly and that was excited to hear as well.  In fact, the young woman I interviewed with went from being a part-time seasonal bookseller to assistant manager in well under six years.  

The atmosphere of the book store is kind of magical, too.  And I think that if we boost up Hannah's resume that by the time they hire seasonally again next year she could really have a shot for some part-time work.  I don't know.  I'm frustrated because I don't know what to do.  If I take Third Key then I'll be busier at the bra store... and I don't think I can take the B&N job at that point.  But if I could do both for a while... if I could get my foot in the door in a job in Spokane... and maybe B&N wouldn't become a career or maybe it would but either way it would be a job that at least relates in some way to what I went to school for.  I don't know!  

I spoke with my mom today.  She's right.  First and foremost I need to focus on the MFA.  That will make me feel so much better than anything right now.  So today I'm going to relax (forget about the Library job), clean the house a bit, get my old Vizio ready to ship off, maybe hang out with cousin D for a bit, allow myself only a small fantasy about working for B&N, and then write, write, write.  I'm anxious about a lot of things and have had to use the inhaler more and more this past week.  This manic job hunt has not helped.  In October the Housing Authority of Spokane will open up Voucher applications and if Hannah and I can get one then we can still have a shot at moving out and moving into our beloved Valley 206.  So it's back to just having some faith I guess.

Interviews and Other Tripe

The other day there was a meeting for work.  We had muffins.  It was a pretty decent meeting over all but my manager announced to the rest of the gals that I might be leaving soon.  There was a group gasp, especially from the Assistant Manager who is retiring this November.  It was nice to hear the gasp.  They really don't want me to leave but at the same time they do realize that I can't survive like this anymore (or at least they better realize!).  Hannah and I need a life of our own and we've decided that for right now, Spokane is the right fit.  Now it's just a waiting game to see how quickly we can get ourselves there.

Today I completed interview number three.  I'm not sure how I feel about it.  The first interview was for the position of Third Key at my current job.  I most likely will be offered the job if I end up staying at L'eggs Hanes Bali but if this ends up happening then it means Hannah and I won't be moving to Spokane anytime soon.  We need out but we're not willing to live in a shit hole and if I work as Third Key that will be all I can afford.  No.  We'll stay with mom and dad and continue to make things work until I can finally get a better job.  The second interview was for a very part time position with Barnes and Nobles.  This job would rock.  The only draw back is that I can't accept it unless I'm moving to Spokane because there's no way in hell I'm driving all the way from Post Falls to work at the Spokane Valley mall for $9.50 an hour.  It's a generous rate actually and I really want this job but I can't commute that far.  I would have to live in Spokane Valley for this to work.  The third interview was for the Spokane Valley Library as a Public Service Associate.  This one would be a career maker and I would be able to do the Barnes and Nobles part time to supplement enough so that we could afford to live in our dream apartment.

The idea result would be the acquiring of two jobs - the Library and the book store.  The I don't know that I will be getting either, in fact, I'm not holding out much hope for the library one.  They will call me on Wednesday and say yes or no.  It's unfortunate that they are waiting until Wednesday because on Monday I have a second interview with the store manager of Barnes and Nobles.  They'll let me know probably by Monday as well.  Sadly though, if they call and say yes, but the library calls and says no, then I get neither.  This is fucking stupid.  Tonight I'm doing more job searching.  Tomorrow Hannah has to call her school and sort out some financial aide issue.  My enthusiasm for life is waning.  This blog took a very negative turn here, I'm sorry about that.  *Breathes*

On another note, mom and dad are out of town for ten days which means I am going to hole up in the living room this weekend and work my ass off for my packet.  My mentor allowed me to skip the packet that was due on the tenth of this month and make up some work for the October 1st packet.  I can't let her down.  Letting her down is letting myself down and one damn thing has to work out for me, right?  I have to graduate otherwise what the hell was the point of all of this stress?  Back to the drawing board on jobs.  I suppose I'll have a really happy blog on Wednesday or a really depressed one.  We shall see.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

The good is that I have an interview tomorrow with the District Manager for the L'eggs Hanes Bali store in Post Falls.  If I do well, I may be offered the position of Third Key.  This is good.  But even better is that next Thursday I have another interview.  This one is for the Public Services Associate position for the Spokane Valley Library.  I want this one.  Oh, I want this one so bad!  I'm happy that I made it to the interview stage (and what's even more exciting is that they called me the day after I dropped off my application!) and as long as I don't make a fool out of myself, I think I have a really good chance.  If I do land this job, that means that Hannah and I will be getting out asses to Spokane in the very near future.

We have looked online and in person at several apartments in the area and the one that we've both pretty much fallen in love with is Valley 206.  This apartment complex has everything we could possibly want and it's one of the more reasonably priced ones that we checked out.  The location is a little strange and it's going to suck during heavy ice and snow this winter but, hey, that's why we have a Jeep, right?  Also it's super close to the Library where I *crosses fingers* might be working.

The bad is that this computer - the one I am using until my new Vizio laptop arrives - is really just about kaput.  There's a double line running vertically on the monitor where some pixels have frozen or broken somehow, the front corners of the main body are chipped away and cracked, it runs at an astounding glacial speed, it is given to overheating, and today I broke the 'F' key.  Not an F1 or other various F key.  The 'F' key.  The one I use to spell fuck.  Normally this would only be a minor set back, but today is Death Man day and I've had some major issues getting the story down when the F key flips off the keyboard when I use it too frequently.  Oh, well.  New computer will be here soon, I just have to keep telling myself this.

The ugly is my dirty little secret: I'm obsessed with No. 6.  I have read the first six volumes of the manga and seen the first four episodes of the anime.  It's been a great source of inspiration for me with Death Man as it features a religiously driven hegemonic society that calls itself a utopia but is, in fact, a monumental dystopia.  The main characters Rat (Nezumi) and Shion remind me a bit of my Death Man and Simon but not in any way that makes me go 'oh no, my novel's already been written!'  No, this story is nothing like Death Man but has a similar enough flavor that it has nourished me in my own endeavors.

Plans and Plots

I cannot say for sure but it seems my other coworker has bowed out of the 'Third Key' race.  While this means I have a much better chance now (almost a guarantee), I don't feel any better.  I'm excited for this job but at the same time it won't be enough money for Hannah and I to take the next step in our lives and move to Spokane.  I adore my parents but it is time.  It. Is. Time.  We need to be responsible individuals living on our own again, making all the decisions, decorating how we want, cooking how we want, staying up and sleeping in, or vice-versa.  We need to be independent!  And Third Key would help but it would be just another step up the retail ladder that I plan on abandoning someday in the future.  However, there's another job, a library job, that I'm applying for in person tomorrow.  I don't think it will pan out but if any of my readers can spare some positive energy... this is kind of the one I want.  Bad.  It is same amount of hours as Third Key but almost twice the pay and it has the makings of a career.  Also, books.  Lots and lots of books everywhere!  And I would get to play with them all day!  It just seems kind of like the perfect job for me.  

No matter what I hope I at least get an interview.  The application is one of those that you fill out on the internet and have to print out right away because the information doesn't save.  Well, I did the backspace thing a couple of times where you have highlighted more than just one line and then push the button and the entire page goes back, not just the text.  So I lost the application twice.  Had to refill it it out over and over again.  I now have everything about my last three jobs completely memorized.  Not something I'm proud of.  Anyway, the application is a three fold: long ass application, spruced up resume, and a signed cover letter.  All of this must be turned in by tomorrow at noon.  I will be there a bit earlier because I have to be back in Coeud'Alene to pick up my friend's brother and drive him home from NIC, but also because I kind of hope they talk to me a little bit.  Even if it's stupid chatter, I hope the Human Resources people remember me.  And then I hope they call me back in for an interview.  And then I hope they hire me.  I could really see myself being happy at a job like this.  And I tell you what, it would be nice to have enough money to actually make it for a change.  

Tonight, before I began the brutal process of filing out and refiling out the application, I read three new pages of Death Man to my mother.  She was pretty invested in what I wrote and she's a bit surprised with how different its turning out.  Cutely she suggested we sit down together and work on the story all day on Thursday.  We're going to storyboard the whole thing (or finish what I started in the storyboard department) and I'll pump out the next few scenes.  I'm glad she's showing such interest and attention.  It should be fun and honestly she's a pretty tough editor/slave driver when she wants to be.  And her reaction to the new pages was, for the most part, exactly what I would hope for from an audience so that was rather encouraging.  Onward and upward I go with this stupid novel!  It's been the bane of my existence but it's getting somewhere, slowly but surely.

Child vs. Adult

I was a child this weekend.  I went with Hannah and my cousin to Silverwood Theme Park.  It's basically a throwback to the 1800's (it's part Old West and part Victorian) with train adventure, candy shoppes, carnival games, a Magic show, and a ton of amusement rides.  First off, I have to say, I used to go to this place almost every summer when I was younger but it has been well over a decade since I stepped foot there.  Until this past weekend that is.  And I was sort of taken aback by how much it's changed and also by how much has remained the same.  Something that is the same is the wonderful Victorian architecture of the stores and shoppes and archways, and the elegant and colorful landscaping throughout the whole park.  Just gorgeous.  One of the first comments from Hannah, "Can I just live here?"  It was right up her alley with the color schemes and gardens.  And there's a Victorian Coffee House that was closed while we were there but, just so you all know, that's totally our house.

It was such a great day.  It was the first time that Hannah and I have gotten to do something so silly and fun together and the only reason we were able to go at all is because mom and dad lent us some food money and their car and my cousin has a Gold Pass which allows her and two guests to get in for free.  She was a lot of fun - she's a young woman (almost 18) with specialized needs but she was one awesome and energetic guide taking us this way and that way through the park.  First we rode the train and enjoyed the little robbery show despite the actors' caveats: 'jist so's ya'll know this aint a real hold up and these here aint real a gun neither.'  When I was a kid there was a glorious moment when I really wondered if those guns were real and I cheered and cheered when the deputy finally saved the day.  It was a comedy show back then with a hint of danger - now it's just a comedy show.  A good one, sure, but I can definitely tell the p's and q's of political correctness are firmly fixed in our little corner of the world, even during a damn train robbery.  

After the train, the day was filled with a whirl wind of rides: the tilt-a-whirl (and, yes, ICP's song ran through my head the whole time), the antique cars, the super round up, the cork-screw, the timber terror, the carousel, and the log flume.  We did several of these twice and also took a nice break for pizza and a magic show.  The magician was adorable.  He was everything you could want in a magician, tall, lanky, funny, personable, good with kids, and he even dropped a table on Hannah's head.  I'm not kidding about that last bit.  One of his tricks is a levitating lamp table and at one point while performing the illusion he got up on some steps near where Hannah and I were sitting and levitated the little table so that the feet were inches from my girlfriend's head.  She was all smiles during it though.  We kind of thought about asking the magician to donate some sperm our way, yeah, he was just that damn cute!  

There was a place along the path where cool water half misted/half sprayed passersby and I took off my glasses and went in to cool my face.  Unfortunately I dropped my glasses and my lovely girlfriend - who had the same thought as I did - was right behind me and stepped on them.  She only broke off one of the bows so it wasn't a huge deal but it did put a little crimp in our fun for a moment.  The rest of the day at the park I was blind.  Honestly it added to the excitement.  We stayed until the lights came on in the park.  One last ride: the carousel.  Hannah and I cuddled together on a sleigh while my cousin rode the horse in front of us.  It was named Candy.  On the way home from the park we sang to the play list on the MP3 player.  Even my little cousin sang with us and if she didn't know the song, she'd fake it and 'aaah' along in time.  A perfect end to a child-like day.

On Monday, however, I was an adult.  I called Vizio for the whatever-hundredth time.  A young lady assisted me, listened to my lengthy tale of woe, and then told me someone named Maynard would be calling me back later that day.  I took this to mean that a very long time would pass during which they would discuss what a problem child I am and laugh about how I would have to eat five hundred bucks then call me back and say 'well, let's give this repair thing another shot.'  However, about five minutes later, Maynard called and not only apologized for all the crap that has gone on with the computer but finally okay'd giving me a replacement.  My new computer will be here shortly.  I have to send the old one back and as soon as it's in their hands, they'll send the new one.  He was great.  Thanks Maynard.

With that taken care of, I then had to call and get the payment date for my loan moved back two days to coincide with my paycheck.  That's fun.  I will be getting 'theoretical' money since the second I'm paid almost all of it will be gone to bills.  Yay, adulthood!  On top of all of that, I spent most of Monday blind while my father and I soldered, hammered, and glued my glasses back into some kind of useful shape.  I also called work that day because I had been out of town and otherwise engaged with my cousin all weekend and had been unable to cover for one of my coworkers whose father was passing away.  I suppose I should feel like shit because if it was my father passing away I would hope someone would cover for me (and I guess my boss got a little huffy because I didn't returns texts and calls right away as I was fucking busy and didn't even have my phone on!) but then I learned someone HAD offered to cover and that she still went to work.  So she made her choice.  I don't feel bad and honestly, I'm not the only person who can cover for people.  I think they all forget that sometimes. Anyway that was nice and awkward.  I'm happy that the awkwardness ended with the phone calls - at work today everything seemed just fine.  The only shitty thing is that I'm applying for Third Key and so is this particular co-worker and now that everyone is pissed that I couldn't cover for her... yeah I figure Third Key isn't really going to happen now.  Which brings me to my next point.

Hannah and I want to live in Spokane or Spokane Valley which means that I need a better paying and more consistent job.  Tonight I've been online applying and saving jobs.  The one I'm really wanting right now is bookseller at Barnes & Noble.  I don't even care if the pay isn't that much more - I will work more hours.  I will take a second job.  I fucking want to work with books!  It would be a step in the right direction I think, even though it's retail.  So, as I wrap this up, I'm sending off an application to B&N to each location in the Spokane area.  I'll be crossing my fingers.  If I have to be an adult as least let me work in a place where my inner child can really shine.