Sherlock, Uglies, and Vignette Rises from the Dead!

Today was a busy day.  I called Geico and got my policy changed from 'broke car' to 'running car' and then spent about an hour talking to a very helpful woman at Vizio repair.  I've sent in my computer to the factory where they gave her a new motherboard, then I reset the battery, and today, guided by the woman on the phone, I reset Vignette back to factory settings.  Twice. Because the first time I fucked up my wireless by deleting shit I shouldn't have.  Moving right along.  She is now alive and running and I'm getting her back the way I want her - all that remains to be seen is if her little 'spontaneous shut down' problem is truly fixed or not.  Time will tell.  I just hope if she's fubar that she shows it soon because my warranty runs out in April and I don't have the money to just arbitrarily get another computer.

After the reset, Hannah and I went to the library and did some serious reading.  I read about a hundred pages of Scott Westerfeld's The Uglies.  I had to leave with only ten pages left!  I had to go to work for an hour meeting.  We're getting quite the variety of new bras in the next few months and I'm pretty excited about that, but mostly during the meeting I just keep thinking about the damn book and wondering how Westerfeld planned to wrap up the enormous clusterfuck that the characters had gotten into.  When I got home, I quickly finished it and realized... oh... he didn't wrap it up.  Not really.  He ended it in such a way that you have to go and get the next book!  Which I will be doing soon.  Not right away because I have lots of other stuff to read for this semester, but that clever little author has made it pretty much impossible for me not to keep going.

Cursing at the book under my breath - and apparently in loud overtures as well - I had some dinner and then the girlfriend and I settled on the bed for some BBC Sherlock.  We finished the second season tonight.  It was really great.  I didn't think I would be such a Sherlock girl but in the end, I have found it to be ridiculously enjoyable.  I also love that each season is only three episodes long - this allows me to indulge in a full season while not having to be completely and utterly unavailable for other things.  Like, well, homework.  Speaking of homework, my mentor sent me her response to my first packet and it was a wonderful and insightful response that was filled with pretty much exactly what I needed to hear to make me feel better about moving forward with the critical thesis and my creative work.  I think, if I buckle down and really do what I set out to do, this will be a great semester for me.

Done with Packet 1 of Semester 3!

I sent it off at 8:00 am.  I had it all done last night and would have sent it off but, wouldn't you know it, the internet went out.  Of course.  The first time in my life I have a packet ready to go before the actual due date and I can't even prove it!  Well, it wasn't too much of a problem.  I got everything sent out in the morning and have already been emailed by my mentor - the fabulous Laura Williams McCaffrey - that she received it and will get me a response either Sunday or Monday.  That means I have until about Monday before I have to get all nervous about critical writing again.  And in the mean time I can read and I can also write on Death Man.

The beginning - as I learned in Robert Lopez's class at residency and as I learned from reading Crawford Killian's Writing Science Fiction and Fantasy - gives one all the necessary clues to figure out the ending.  This isn't a spoiler per se - it sets up the thematic logic that will drive the story toward an ending.  It gives a certain amount of foreshadow and also sets the tone of the piece.  This is difficult for me concerning the Death Man - obviously it's a dystopian work and has no choice but to end with hope or hopelessness.  I want there to be a message of hope.  Even a small one.  And so there has to be some kind of 'innocence' and 'determination' in the beginning that carries through to the end.  The 'hope' character might not even be the main character but the impression left by him will drive that innocence and determination forward.  This sounds kind of complicated.  I guess what I'm saying is that I'm having a hard time deciding on an opening scene.  I am thinking of starting it the day the Death Man really starts to be formed; the day the Luminary's wife sends him to the Arena.

I'm thinking that we might do some library time tomorrow.  I'll get my Pan's Labyrinth soundtrack going and just let my characters do as they will.  By the next time I have a packet due, I want to really be able to give Laura something polished and decent - something that will interest and impress her.  She's a dystopian writer and I am very much looking forward to her ideas concerning my story's world.

We are reaching Critical Mass!

I still have quite a bit to do before next Thursday but I am confident I can accomplish a fair amount in the next two days.  I have to keep going on the introduction for the critical thesis and I have to finish the outline.  I also have to work on the artist's statement and cover letter.  BUT!  I have finished two books: Feed by M.T. Anderson and Writing Science Fiction and Fantasy by Crawford Killian.  I have started a few others and will probably finish off Asunder by Robert Lopez and More Daring Escapes by Steve Huff while at work on Tuesday.  We've had ridiculously slow days at work which sucks for the store but is great for me getting some reading done.  What I really, really want to do tomorrow or even late tonight is work on Death Man a little.  I've gotten such amazing feedback on it and I'm proud that the few snippets my workshop group has read has sparked such furious and animated debate!

Goals for tonight: keep on reading The Uglies by Scott Westerfeld, and also The Book of Execution by Geoffrey Abbott.  At least a little bit on each before bed.  And try and get out a little on Death Man - either editing/revising the first scene (which may or may not even be the first scene anymore), or trucking ahead on the violent initiating incident of the novel.

Things yet to come: I am eager for my W2 to finally show up so I can get my taxes done.  I think that I have quite a handsome return coming which is nice because all of my student loans went to the vehicles.  It was a necessary expense but kind of depressing, too.  Still there is an upside!  We have my Kia back which gets better gas mileage than the Jeep and it will make trips down to Moscow a great deal cheaper, but it will also allow us to go to Seattle and visit some friends from the residency.  This is something we've been wanting to do since shortly after my first residency but just never had time or money for.  Well, right now we are tight on money but I have some spare time (the time I'm not actively using for homework) because work is so unbearably slow.  We are planning to head over the second weekend of February for just the weekend.  I figure the five hour drive over ought to give us a little reading time.

The other thing going on is that Vignette, my cute little Vizio computer, is acting up again.  She's shut off (completely randomly and under different circumstances each time) three times now.  I'm very aggravated.  I just got her back from the Vizio people who said they repaired her.  My warranty only lasts until April.  I really think they might just need to give me a new one because I can't do a damn thing on this computer without harboring panic that it will go up in a puff of smoke the next time Vignette decides to just shut down for no reason at all.  We'll deal with that tomorrow when I call them up again.  In the mean time, onto some reading, some playing, and some writing.

Post Residency Rambling

I've felt like writing poetry lately.  I've hurt very much this past month, I've ached, I've sobbed, I've been self destructive in ways that I haven't been in a very long time.  I want to stop all of this and find joy again.  It will take time and I know that.  I didn't really do an update about the residency in Boston - couldn't get past the fog of ache, couldn't stop having panic attacks and clutching in vain at the knot in my tummy - but the residency was a fruitful one as far as education and friend-networking went.  Now I have to put my focus into the critical thesis, meditation, and continuing on in my creative writing.  The first packet is due in a week and I need to have a thesis statement, an outline, and an introduction all written out.  Also I need my artist's statement, cover letter, and about ten pages of creative work.  This may not seem like a lot of stuff to do, but it's hard to tell myself to care sometimes.  It's hard to push past the swirling emotions in my head to concentrate on doing anything that involves the future.

Things I learned at the residency: I like spinach.  I actually love spinach!  This was quite surprising as I have never voluntarily consumed it before.  I learned that at the Logan Airport, Terminal E trumps Terminal A.  I learned how to navigate the T by myself and that was an awesome feeling.  Also dialed a taxi cab for the first time in my life!  Got laughed at by the dispatcher (which was sad) because it was in the middle of a blizzard and they 'no way, no how' were going to be able to come pick me up.  I learned that a quarter of a mile in knee-deep snow is beyond my abilities to travel. 

I did start Feed by M.T. Anderson.  I really like it and it's going to be a fast read, something for which I am very thankful for.  Some of the other books are going to take much longer.  I have some ideas though, for the critical thesis, and that's something.  There is still a maelstrom inside me, a constant flux of hope and darkness and fear, oh so much fear, but reading and writing has helped.  And my friends have helped.  And Hannah has helped.  People have been so good to me through this and it kills me because all the stress, is stress I brought on myself.  On Facebook there is a meme that goes something like this: smash a plate on the ground, now say sorry, and realize that just saying sorry didn't put it back together again.  I feel like I've broken so many plates.  Too many plates.  But I guess breaking plates is better than just using cheap plastic dinnerware and never really feeling anything more than passing affection.  That probably doesn't make sense.  I do enjoy a good mixed metaphor from time to time.  *sigh*

There are a few things that I know for sure about me: I am incredibly lucky to have friends and family who stay by my side, who love me through my worst and cherish me through my best.  I know that life takes people on different paths but we are all on the journey together and that it is a great honor and privilege to be there for each other in good times and bad.  I know that I need time to heal, and that I'm fragile.

Moving on.  I have to move on.  I have to try and embrace the future.  It's hard.  In fact it's impossibly hard. So for now, I'm going to try and focus on each day and remember that I am loved.  My name means deserving of great love and, honestly, I've never felt that I deserved anyone's like, never mind their love.  But deserving or not, I am so very thankful for the people I have in my life.  I'm literally brought to tears over it.  I am a ridiculously needy creature and without the comfort of my friends and loved ones, I really am nothing.

Residency and the New Year

A final list of things I need to get done before heading off to Boston: find a picture for the flashback class, practice reading my piece for Steve's workshop, write about the pieced of music for Randall's workshop, finish reading two workshop pieces (I've really loved them all so far!), read the Atwood short story, read the Unseen Mind, and finish reading the Loss of Face article.  Also, print out Poetics.  The only classwork stuff I have to do is for Sandra's Critical Thesis class and Steve's Stone by Stone class.  That might sound like a lot but it's not.  Most of this will be done between tonight and tomorrow and then I also have lots of time during the first two days at the Residency to polish up and prepare.  But I figure I'll be spending most of that time catching up with my Solstice family.  A few other things I want to work on is narrowing down my ideas for a Critical Thesis as well as deciding which novel to work on for my Creative Thesis.

Along with the Residency comes the New Year and I have a few goals in mind for 2014.  Some of them of a literary nature while others are of a kinky nature.  Literary wise: I want to write a comprehensive synopsis for Death Man, I want to edit/rewrite/polish over 50K words for Death Man and for Summer of August Hunt.  I also want to write a backwards forwards poem - the kind you can read two different ways and I already have an idea for that involving Death Man.  For the kinkier goals I definitely want my nipples pierced and want to become proficient at needle play and medical staples.  Health wise, I would like to lose some weight (just like rest of America *sigh*) and just be healthier all around.  I want to die my hair, wear more make-up, and start taking vitamins.  Other things that I want to work on is getting back into my art.  I am thinking that for the Residency I'm going to bring an artist's sketch pad instead of a laptop.