Sensitive Schmucks: or how I learned to stop worrying and just be offensive

I recently saw an article about Sensitivity Readers and what they mean for the publishing ecosystem. According to Writing in the Margins, "A sensitivity reader reads through a manuscript for issues of representation and for instances of bias on the page. The goal of a sensitivity reader isn’t to edit a manuscript clarity and logic, although that may be an additional service offered. A sensitivity reader reviews a manuscript for internalized bias and negatively charged language." Essentially they are word aggression police. They will help your characters be less offensive to a broad readership. They will also help uncover stereotypes and marginalizations that may exist in your narrative. They are here to help us poor writers who just don't know any better. 

Fuck them.

I know we live in an eggshell world comprised of social justice zealots and trigger warnings but isn't writing supposed to be an escape from that world? My characters use harmful slurs, my characters think in stereotypes. They're flawed and ugly. Bitter and broken. My bad guys rape and murder and whisper things that make me extremely uncomfortable to write. Even my YA writing is squick-worthy. 

But wouldn't I reach a larger crowd if I kept the overall voice of the narrative just a little less offensive? 

Do I care? If my book has any merit, it'll reach the people who need to read it. So what if someone's offended. In fact, wouldn't it be worse if no one was offended? I write about theocracies that degrade and humiliate women. Please be offended! This is horrible. I write about people who molest and harm children. I write characters who are assassins who value money above human life. I write people who struggle to be decent and fail, fail, fail. So they're going to think, say, and feel horrible things. So go on. Feel something. Be angry. Be angry at the story, at the writing, at the writer, at the barbed-wire world all around us hidden under everyone's niceties and social gloss. Be angry because somewhere in the world there's a woman who has to wear an anti-rape tube inside her vagina for when, not if, she gets violated. Be angry because the best we could do for presidential candidates was Tweedle-dee or Tweedle-dum. 

I'm not saying don't wince at the N word. I'm not saying go out and be rude. I'm not saying use "faggot" when you want to call something "stupid." I hate that. It's very offensive to me. Which is why I continue to use it in my writing. It's why some of my characters marginalize women. It's why some of my characters think foreigners are evil. It's why some of my foreigners really are. 

If we tame our narrative to the standards of social justice, then we're cheating ourselves. And, worse than that, we're cheating our characters. In the example from the article a character thought to himself that it would be easier for girls to come out as lesbian than for boys to come out as gay because everyone seems to like lesbians. This apparently was very offensive. Sure, in the real world, it is offensive because it's bullshit that one should be more accepted than the other. But in the book, why should the author have to change her fucking character's personal thoughts just to downplay an incorrect social assumption?

Perhaps a character says something offensive that you the writer hadn't intended to be offensive. Well, unless it's a legitimate typo on the author's part, I'd say your character just told you something about himself, and you should listen and expand on that. The straight choir director calls the Altos the "Flaming Lips" as a joke. You as the writer are innocently trying to reference the musical group, but your reader understands some form of latent homophobia. Play. That. Shit. Up. Your straight little choir director just became a lot more flawed, a lot more interesting, and a much better character. Not a better person, mind you, but definitely a better character.  

During my MFA, Sterling Watson shared one of his many mantras, "Make it worse. Make it hot." If you've got a racist character, then let him be racist. Make it as horrible for your character as it is for your reader. Make your reader feel something. The sensitivity reader would have us objectively portraying difficulties between characters without allowing the inner voice to dip into the crude sludge that shapes the human condition. I would use the sensitivity reader for one thing: seek thee out all of my offensive bullshit so that I may pour gasoline on it and watch people lose their fucking minds. 

"I am not afraid that the book will be controversial, I'm afraid it will not be controversial." ~ Flannery O'Conner

Basic Update, Sandman, On Writing

I did not get the library job for the Spokane County. But there's a library job opening for Coeurd'Alene. So I'm applying to that tomorrow. Also I'm applying for the adjunct pool for North Idaho College. Read some tarot today and basically what I got out of it was that I need to freaking write. Just write! I have so much I need to do. This past month has been busier than anything--people in and out of the house and lots of extra stuff to do--so I'm a bit behind in my packet exchanges with E. Also this month, my friend Faith (which is her writer's nomdeplume) will be visiting. In fact, she's coming tomorrow. We're going to chat and be silly and talk about writing and publishing and all that good stuff. So, I'm hoping that by the time she leaves me the next week, I will be right back on the writing horse and ready to go! 

Recently I've been reading a crap ton of Neil Gaiman's "Sandman." It is quite amazing and I can't wait to read further. Also I'm going to check out "Morning Glory" which my friend recommended to me. In additional to all of this I'm going to read some David Levithan soon. I'm priming myself for publication in Cicada Magazine. I will most likely get a big fat rejection letter from them but I can hope, yes? So I'm doing all I can to get myself in the right mood. I figure, no matter what job I have, if I can actually make money by publishing then I will be living my dream a little and also feel more like I can provide for myself via my craft. And maybe someday... it will be my only job. Not a secondary job, not a side thing, not something I squeeze in between the day-to-day shifts. I would love that. So here's hoping for getting some shit out there soon.

In other news, I threw a few fits over the change to Windows 10. Probably I'll end up liking it, but dealing with the big change from 8.1 to 10 during a damn project was not fun. I'm working on the thank you notes for those who celebrated my graduation with me, as well as sending special and personalized notes to my mentors and directors at Solstice. I also need to work on a letter of recommendation for my friend who is applying. I have so much writing I need to do! It's exciting but a tad overwhelming. While my friend is here, she is going to be attending a conference for sci-fi writers. While she's busy with that, I'm thinking Hannah and I need to spend some time together (we've sort of lost touch with each other the last few months like ships passing in the night so to speak), and also do some serious writing, Loving the Stephen King book "On Writing" right now. And he says that the only thing you can't take lightly is the actual writing, He's right. I need to sit down and take every moment of it seriously. It is a blessing and a curse. I am ready to enjoy the telepathy of writing and finally reach my audiences.

After a few beers I become emotional...

Maybe just a little bit drunk. Been reading tons lately. I really, really love young adult fiction. I love the pacing, the adventure, the dialogue. All of it. I think I made a mistake not going into YA during my time at Solstice, but if I had done that I might not have met the absolutely amazing fiction writers that I now consider to be my closest of family. I might not have had the mentors I had and would not be writing as I am now (which I do deem to be better than before I joined the program two years ago). I would have still met amazing people and been blessed by their friendship but I feel this was just meant to be in some way. After all, I am the worst horse, (as in the Buddhist proverb worst horse) and I need to do things the hard way, I need to suffer through it, and I need to feel the force of my master's whip through to the marrow of my bones. That way I can know I've truly grown.

Lately I've been reading about Goddesses. I want to find one that I resonate with. I'm on the hunt. I thought it might be Inanna and I'm going to continue my research into her but I am quite taken with the absolute gorgeous compassion of Kuan Yin. She is so selfless and kind - a true goddess to appeal to. Hannah has a Kuan Yin pendant and one time a person tried to tell her it was Buddha. It wasn't. It isn't. It's Kuan Yin. She was a Buddhist nun who turned goddess after she gave her arms and eyes to make her asshole father better from a disease. She grew a thousand arms and a thousand eyes to replace the ones she lost and then became an immortal and perfect presence. I know that the archetypes behind gods and goddesses stem from human traits but Kuan Yin seemed to be better than most humans. Her only hubris was 'disobeying' her father when he gave her unreasonable orders. What a wonderful and kind entity. I need to learn more and more, but for now I'm taking heart in the knowledge that compassion has a name and that is Kuan Yin. 

Slow Going, Sick Galen, and Mermaids

These last couple of weeks have been a headache.  I've been applying off and on for about every job I am "qualified" for, been working every weekend at the bra shop as I am the only CA who can work over a five hour shift at the moment, and been spending 4-6 hours every day working on my novel.  I'm exhausted.  The novel work has been intensive and rewarding but so very slow going.  As I read the YA craft book by Regina L. Brooks, I realized that what I had done wrong from the beginning was to start this story without a clear idea of the setting.  The physical setting has developed and evolved over the past year and now that I have it set in stone (with some flexibility as nothing is ever truly set in novel writing) I've had to restart, rewrite, redraft, and revise.  I learned from this mistake and am going to flush out setting prior to drafting the next time I tackle a novel project. So anyway, it's been slow, slow, slow going.  I am not going to have my full amount of pages for the upcoming packet.  I feel bad. 

After being ill and after revising everything and creating a new outlook on the story and plot, I had a hell of a time getting back into the habit of writing everyday.  I'm back!  I've been practically living at the library and Starbucks is my Patron. (By the way, the Caramel Flan Latte is pretty fucking amazing!) This Monday I am going to spend the whole day at the Library again.  Basically I'm hoping to have thirty good pages for my mentor and then send her another thirty as soon as they are ready. If I have to go in chunks of thirty then so be it.  I just want to keep making progress. She's really excited for this novel to come together and so am I. At work today I talked to the new ASM about which characters live and which ones die and her excitement about the relationships between the characters got me very excited. She told me she would love to see my ideas translated on screen. She hasn't read the material but just hearing her say that was very encouraging today.

Galen, our mini-panther, has bronchitis and is taking antibiotics and steroids twice a day. Consequently, my fingers have become pin cushions. Sometimes he takes the pills well and sometimes he chomps down on my fingers like a wild beast! I really hope he shapes up soon. We lost Yoda a little less than a year ago and we're not ready to go through that again. 

For the past few nights, Hannah and I have been reading about mermaids. We rented a book from the library and each night I read a chapter or two aloud as we cuddle in bed getting ready to go to sleep. I learned about the mermaid fakes. Did you know that mermaid (and sea monster creation) fakes were so popular that the fakes themselves have a name? They are called Jenny Hanivers. I immediately felt compelled to someday write a mermaid tale and include a Jenny character who might have a friend named Haniver. The origin of the name is from the French for girls from Antwerp. We've actually learned quite a bit from the mermaid book so far. Tonight we'll finish it and tomorrow we're going to start a kids book about Chinese Folktales called Auntie Tigress.  

Two Kinds of Homework, or Books and Svadhishthana

For my MFA homework: I'm writing out the origins of my fucked up little city as well as finally giving myself permission to attack this novel as a YA vehicle. My mentor, while always being positive and encouraging, always takes time to give me excellent reading suggestions so that we are both on the same foot as far as concepts and things to try. A few books she suggested that I really enjoyed are St. Lucy's Home for Girls Raised by Wolves by Karen Russell, Disgrace by J.M. Coetzee, The House on Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros, and Structuring Your Novel by Robert C. Meredith.  Earlier today I updated by accumulative bibliography (I use Easy Bib online and I love it! So simple!) and added all of my entries together. I have reached the desired goal of 80 entries including, research articles, novels, books of poetry, graphic novels, selected chapters for critical study and lecture classes. 

Everything I read now is icing on the cake and, as per my mentors suggestions once again, I'm excited get to work reading Writing Great Books for Young Adults by Regina Brooks, The Modern Library Writer's Workshop by Stephen Koch (this is more for after I graduate but I'll peek now!), The Stranger by Albert Camus (this one is a reread), Waiting for the Barbarians by J.M. Coetzee, and (probably after I graduate) On Such a Full Sea by Chang-rae Lee.  I cannot begin to describe how excited I was to get the latest package from Amazon.  I had just ordered the Coetzee, Brooks, and Koch books and knew they would be arriving any day.  They arrived yesterday while I was getting ready for my shower.  I heard the door knock and so I cautiously, nakedly made my way through the hall to peer out though the spy-hole into the stairwell area.  No one was there.  I knew right away it must be a UPS drop off.  So I opened the door and extended a naked arm, as well as one renegade boob, out into the world (because stopping to put clothes on was NOT an option!) and snatched the box quickly into the safety of my home and bosom.

Today's Blog Lesson: Reading is good for you.  Masturbation is good for you.  Any questions?

For Wiccan Spirituality homework: We were given two articles to read and some exercises to try. I've already read the first article and loved it!  Other parts of homework were to interact with and get to know water as an inspirational and life-giving thing, as well as research the second chakra which is the chakra most associated with this element.  Well I found some great sites (Chakra Center, Chakra Anatomy, and Kundalini Yoga Meditation) that offer similar yet valuable information on the second chakra which is known in Sanskit as the Svadhishthana "one's own base."  The thing about the second chakra is that it focuses not on pragmatism but on 'feeling' and creativity. It is, I suppose, the human condition chakra. This is the stem of our feelings and emotions and our sexual drives and desires. It can become clogged and blocked and interrupted which usually leads to a damming of our creativity or an unhealthy obsession with sex in its shallowest of forms.  

Pleasure is good, touching is good, coming together as humans or even exploring one's own self is good. But not at the expense of enjoying the rest of what life has to offer. When this chakra is in good working order, a person's creativity blooms, they feel strong in their sexual identity, they enjoy the release that emotions and sensations have to offer, and they do not fight against their feelings. For women, especially, this is a creative center as it lies within the womb area of our bodies. Even if a woman chooses not to, or has no occasion to, have a child, her uterus is one of the most creative places inside of her. It is in a state of change and hormonal cycling, always growing and losing and starting over again. Painful periods and trouble menstruating may cause blockage in the second chakra and, some believe, blockage in the second chakra can cause painful periods and trouble menstruating. I think this last bit is incredibly interesting. We know that emotions bring on physiological reactions in a person (anger causes tension, adrenaline; grief brings tears, tightness of chest, pain, aches, soreness, etc.) so who's to say how much of our period pain comes from oxygen deprived muscle tissue and how much of it stems from improperly balanced second chakra? Something to think about anyway.

WTF! Alternate Title: Things that Surprised Me During the Residency

I've been home from the residency for almost a week and I'm still processing a great deal.  I took a variety of classes and a few of them left a very definite impression.  My friend, E, taught a class on Point of View and it was a lot of fun and gave me some different ideas about my own work.  I was going to write a good portion of Death Man in second person (and I may still do that) but for now I'm going to stick with the 'traditional forms' and focus on structure more than anything else.  But it was still kind of amazing and I definitely want to write some second person for next residency workshop.  I'll probably make it gross... so, yeah, pretty much what I normally write.

Another class that left an impression was the flash fiction one.  Flash is a both harder and simpler than I had previously thought and while I definitely enjoy reading it, I don't know that I have a calling to write it much.  Then there was the class taught by David Yoo, concerning the openings of YA novels.  It was neat to look at different beginnings and really analyze the 'pow' sentence.  The last class I'm going to talk about here is Laure-Anne Bosselaar's class "You Reading to Me?"  Finally my Theatre Degree paid off.  I got a high five after my reading for her class.  She had some great tips and was so incredibly enthusiastic and energetic that I fell in love with her right from the start.  She was absent from prior residencies due to the death of her husband and so I hadn't gotten a chance to experience this wonderful person that everyone else seemed to adore - and now I get it.  I totally get it.  She's amazing.

Classes aside, I have to say that there were several things that surprised me this residency.  Several of my fellow MFA-ers were absent at the residency and it doesn't look like they are going to be coming back.  This is understandable because Solstice is a huge commitment and sometimes it's a matter of money, or timing, but in the case of one of the students it was apparently a falling out with the director.  And that is surprising.  I wish him the best, though, and I have faith that he will make a difference wherever he goes.  Something else that was surprising was that I had a very good time in workshop with Sandra Scofield.  And it was surprising that we didn't have to talk about that article that I hadn't wanted to read or talk about in the first place (less surprising and more of a relief to be honest).  Another surprise was second person.  That takes some explaining - but just know that it can be much more exciting than people give it credit for.

Graduation went off without a hitch, too!  For all the stressing and worrying over it that I did, it really came together and looked elegant and simple and didn't detract from the graduates or the overall relaxed feel of the after party.  In fact it was kind of perfect and that was a great surprise because I had nightmares over that shit!  Another surprise was getting to spend some time with J (an amazing writer who helped me embrace second person!), someone whom I didn't get to spend much time with before.  I had such a fun time talking to her about shared Catholic upbringing and all the brainwashing and guilt that went along with it.  Then we got to talking about Buddhism and at the end of our conversation (this was a completely sober conversation by the way) I realized, much to my surprise, that I needed Sandra as my mentor.  And I'm working on Death Man as my Creative Thesis instead of Summer of August Hunt.  Hence the 'WTF' in the title of this blog.  I never thought I would have put Sandra as my first choice (I did put her as second choice my first semester) but after less than a week of being her mentee, I'm so incredibly glad that I did.  Surprise, surprise.

Another surprise that wasn't exactly unexpected, was that Yoda finally passed away.  He was Hannah's soulmate and familiar for fifteen years.  He was my good friend and companion for the last six.  She took him in to be put to sleep while I was in Boston.  It was the night of the final graduate readings and I was sitting with J.C. and Mar when I got the text.  Yoda's gone.  And I broke down in a way I honestly hadn't expected I would.  I'd already had a good sobfest over him before I left, when he was still alive and I could hold him and cry on him and tell him I loved him.  But when I got that text I just lost it.

I feel a bit spoiled in a way because poor Hannah was in Idaho and while she did have my family and a few good friends around her, I had the entire Solstice family around me and I was very touched by how caring these writers could be and how sensitive they were, never giving off the 'oh, it's just an animal' vibe.  They understood and took me under their wings and I wish Hannah could have felt the hands on healing of such a community.  As it was she kept in most of her grief until I got home.  And I'm glad I'm here now to help.

And last surprise: we got a new kitten.  Not to replace Yoda by any means because you can't replace the great Jedi Master no matter how hard you try, but the kitten has helped to distract us from our emotional pain by causing physical pain with her delightfully razor sharp claws.  She is a pure delight and fits in perfectly.  She farts quite often, yet another sign of her belonging with Hannah and myself.  And right now, even as I type, she's curled up next to Hannah on the bed, passed out after a crazy run through the house including attacking of my feet, chewing of pencils, stealing my coffee, and knocking over everything I needed to work on homework for the night.  She's precious.  Her name is Narcissa.  Hannah spells it with only one 's' but I can't help myself.  I need the double 's' in there.  Also my parents have taken to calling her frog - or at least using frog as a verb for her every movement (she's frogging over there, she's frogging on your shoes, etc.).  Again, she's pretty much perfect for us right now, kitty farts and all.  Which is a pleasant surprise indeed.

Self-Inflicted NaNoWriMo

Who wants to join me in June?   I have a few things I have to finish up this month and then I'm going to embark on a journey of fifty thousand words.  Or at least fifty pages.  I'm going to get a jump start on my creative thesis so that after the residency I can actually finish this damn book!  I'm going to work on The Summer of August Hunt instead of Death Man.  I adore the latter but I just have no direction for it.  The former, on the other hand, I have completely mapped out.  Part of me wonders if I should ask for Randall Kenan as a mentor since this type of story is right up his alley (the whole magical realism thing) but my first choice, I think, is going to be Steve.  Honestly, it depends what I am able to get done of it before going as well as who is most receptive to the story idea.  Sterling Watson really enjoyed the writing for this story but he did mention the genre is not his cup of tea.  He would give wonderful feedback in technique and composition but I wonder if I need someone who will also enjoy going through the pages (there will be a lot of them and I don't want this to be a painful process for me or my mentor).  I will present my idea to several people and just see what sort of happens.  I'm taking David Yoo's class and am actually going to use the very beginning of this novel as the example for it so we'll see if he leaps at the ideas contained within or if he raises an eyebrow at me.

It's strange.  I always thought it would be Death Man.  A friend suggested that I write a few novellas for Death Man and I may try that later.  For now though, I think what I have on my hands with The Summer of August Hunt is a fairy tale of sorts and the structure is just so clean.  I know that the writing is what generates the story (in fact I pretty much can't write unless I have my hands happily arched under QWERTY row) but to have a sort of grand-master plan is going to be a tremendous help in getting the story out quickly and cleanly.  I love the characters in the story and while it's geared toward a Young Adult audience it doesn't pussy-foot around the big issues of the time including who or what you can trust.

In the meantime, I have a few things left!  I have to read Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins, read the article for Eileen's class, prepare three reading segments (one of those can be written at the residency), prepare for David's class which entails bringing in selections from YA novels as well as a selection from my own, and do one last read through of my critical thesis and ship it off to Tanya and Meg!  Most of this will be done either tonight of early tomorrow.  Adding to my list of to-dos however is a job interview at 11:30 tomorrow for Professional Transportation Inc.  I forgot that I had even applied for them!  All the other jobs have said no.  So we'll see how the interview goes tomorrow with PTI.  There's one more job I'm going to apply for and it's for the Liberty Lake Library heading up the Young Adult and Children's section.  I want this job so bad that my gut hurts just thinking about it.  It's in Liberty Lake which is more of a drive than I had wanted to worry about for a job, but it's everything I've ever dreamed of.  It is one part book stuff, one part education, and one part kids.  It's perfect.  I have until June 13th to get the application for that done, but again, I'm hoping to get all of this stuff done before the first.  Oh and I have my end of term evaluation to do!  That will also be tonight, I hope.

During June the only things I want to worry about are: writing SoAH, reading and critiquing workshop pieces, work, a few camping dates, and getting my ass in gear exercising at the Kroc.  What I have to work on most, I think, is time management.  I want to make sure I give my girlfriend and family a good portion of my time, as well as spend time playing with my friends.  I can do all of this if I just figure out which hours of which day need to go to which activity.  I know that at work I can get a good deal of work-shopping done (we still have slow moments here and there), and on the days I don't work I can work my buns off at the library or at home or even at my friend's house writing on SoAH.  This will come together.  I know it will.  It freaking has to!  There's one more thing I have to worry about and I want to work on that tonight as well if there's time: getting all the graduation plans in order.  I actually have a pretty good idea of what I want to do.  If I can, I'm going to do a quick digital design of how I envision the decorations going.  But that may have to wait a day or two (perhaps it could be a fun project to do with my more digitally savvy friends).

On the Eve of the Last Packet of my Critical Thesis

Tomorrow I send in what is most likely my final draft of my critical thesis. There is always the chance that I'll have a few more little edits after, but I'm very excited to be done with this. I've enjoyed the learning process and I reckon I have a quite a bit more awareness toward world building and world creativity than I ever did before. That being said, life has been one long procrastination after another. Once this paper is done I'm going to have to work my ass off on a few things: firstly I need to finalize what I'm sending in for workshop, secondly I need to go to town working on the creative thesis. At this point I'm not even sure I'm going to use Death Man (I will be finishing it someday, I swear! I just don't know that it's what I want to use as my thesis for school). I might use 'The Summer of August Hunt' for my thesis as it is more magical realism and would require all the delicacy in world building as any fantasy or Dystopian I could conceive of. But then there's all of these semi-YA novels that I really and truly want to write. If I had money and time I would go back for another MFA this time with an emphasis in YA literature. But then I'd have to write another critical thesis... and no. Just no. One is more than enough.

Aside from working on homework (working on and avoiding homework, I should say), I've been keeping busy with a variety of things. In lieu of bogging up this blog post with ginormous paragraphs, I've elected to put it all into list form! Enjoy.

• My best friend moved to Coeur d'Alene. This of course means there has been much watching of Jeremy Wade (River Monsters) and horror films, fun adventures in gluten free cooking, and lots of silliness all around. I helped her get a bed (via my awesome boss who had a spare she gave away for free). Pretty soon, we're hoping to start doing some good old Dungeons and Dragons. No, we still haven't pierced our nips but that may have to wait as Hannah and I both donate to BioLife and my best friend wants to start going as well - so eventually we'll use some of the money we get from donating to get them babies pierced, hehe.

• We had a yard sale! Got rid of a bunch of stuff and pretty much organized the garage. Want to know what Hannah and I have in the garage? Probably two storage tubs of collectible and sentimental goodies and then tons of boxes of books and records. Yep. Aside from the few things in our room, our life is vinyl and literature. We are a simple folk with very bulky needs.  

• I applied at four places (Post Office, Target, North Idaho College, and Emeritus Senior Living) as a way to perhaps get a second job or trade up for a better paying one. The first two on the list have already turned me down. Here's hoping for NIC.  I really, really want to work at the college and get my foot in the door to post secondary education.

• My little computer, Vignette the Vizio, went off, yet again, to be repaired and has been gone for over a month in a clusterfuck beyond words. First they wouldn't fix it (they said it had ants, but later told me there were no ants, said it was past warranty, then later said they'd fix it or get me a new one because of phantom ants, the list goes on), and now they are on my side to some degree and trying to fix it but first they have to replicate the problem. The problem is that it randomly turns off while I'm using it. Which means they are going to have a hell of a time trying to replicate the problem. I have... some hope that I'll get a new computer, but mostly I'm worried this is just going to be an ongoing issue and I should just throw in the towel. A five-hundred dollar towel.

• I'm getting all set for my fourth residency at Pine Manor College and I still need to finalize all the plans for graduation. I can't write about it too much yet as it's supposed to be a surprise but, in the end, I may tell my friend E all about it and see what she thinks. She's going to be one of the graduates and I gotta tell you, I don't like this whole graduating and moving on business not one bit! But the good news there is that she is still in the area and when I go back for my fifth residency we are going to hang out and bring mischief to the table like a couple of cute Lokis!

• A group of us (Hannah, C, J, and I) attended a fantastic May Day/Beltane celebration at the start of May and not only did we get to dance around the maypole, we got to take part in a wonderful ritual. Part of the ritual was sort of couples oriented (they did a special thing for singles, too!) and so Hannah and I went up and lit candles together and these candles are meant to keep our relationship ignited and all that good stuff. It was really quite nice. Oh, and we bought a crap ton of books! And I bought tarot cards for like seven dollars (a brand new set) that go for over eighty bucks on Amazon.  

• Next month we're going on a camping trip with our group from Beltane. We'll be going to Riverside State Park and if we really like it we may be going back a few more times this summer with other friends who can't make it this time around. I love camping. I seriously freaking love camping and this is going to be a real treat for me. 

• Game of Thrones marathon. Three seasons. Nuff said.  

For the rest of tonight I've got a good amount of homework to get done. I was out of my medicine for a while and yesterday was a truly awful day full of weeping and feeling sorry for myself and feeling so incredibly unfocused I could hardly function. But today has been much, much better. After I get this packet sent off and after I get all my workshop materials ready and sent off I will be in good shape for the residency and I will be in good shape emotionally. I hope. Already I think this residency will be a much happier one. I'm excited to spend time with my Residency Wife and all our friends and to make new friends. I can't wait to see my mentors again and get them to sign some books for me and I'm super excited to look for someone to be my final mentor. That's all I've got for now. Mainly I wanted to prove I'm still alive.

Researching the 1930s

For my NaNoWriMo project this year I'm going to attempt to write a novel (or several chapters of one) focusing on a family caught in the American Dust Bowl of the 1930s.  I think that if one really wants to explore the full scope of the Great Depression, one has to pay special attention to the Mid-West.  I have several items on hold for me at the library.  Two DVD sets, both from PBS: Surviving the Dustbowl, and The 1930s; and two books: The Worst Hard Time and Survival in the Storm.  There's one more on it's way and that one is a very short children's chapter book that I expect I'll have read in about an hour.  I can't wait to pour into these novels and nonfiction accounts.  I'm still working on my Death Man novel, and I have a nonfiction book to read for that as well, but during NaNo I really want to play with first person and that's where the Dust Bowl novel comes in.

So far I haven't been super successful in pumping out the words, but I have some great ideas and I'm just gonna run with them as long as I can.  Tonight I'm gonna work on SoAH (the acronym for my working title) and tomorrow I'll work on both.  My main problem right now is that I just need time and space.  It might end up being a library day for me tomorrow because not only do I want to write for NaNo (fifty thousand words of writing, or approximately 72 pages single spaced), I also have to keep writing for my MFA.  I guess I'm just frustrated right now and thinking about doing a word challenge or two to keep me motivated.  We'll see how tonight goes and how tomorrow goes.

Boston Bound!

In a few hours I'll be heading out to the airport and taking off for Boston, MA.  This will be my second of five residencies with the Solstice MFA Creative Writing Program.  I'm thrilled that I'll be able to reconnect with my classmates and faculty members, all of them wonderful people and excellent writers.  This Friday I will be introducing my mentor at the faculty reading and I hope I do well.  He was a fantastic mentor to me this past semester and I know I definitely want to have him as a mentor again in a later semester.  This next go around might see me working on a YA novel and so I'll be looking for a YA geared mentor to guide me through the next six months.

All I have left to do is finish a pinch of packing, do a clean up of my computer - it's like fingerprint heaven, get my computer bag all together and decide if I need blanket or not... for the sake of space in the airplane and in my luggage I'm thinking no.  I've had two cups of coffee (and will have a third en route) and we need to stop at WinCo and grab some Idaho Spuds to add to my host gift.  E was Solstice Buddy first semester and we had a great time getting to know each other at the residency.  She invited me to be her roommate while on campus and she's also letting me stay with her and her family before and after our time at Pine Manor.  This is just so wonderfully generous!  I wish I could do more, but as it is, I have a little gift bag of goodies - not much but just a few fun Idaho things - for her and hers.

Next on my list of things to do is to get a shower real quick and get all dressed and ready for the day.  It's going to be an all night journey with lots of reading and snoozing.  We have fun planned for tomorrow but I worry that at some point I'm going to just crash.  Crossing three time zones does tend to take its toll on poor old me.  By this time tomorrow (give or take three hours) I'll be relaxing with E and getting my brain all set for round two of my time as a grad student.  I'm nervous and excited.  I'm going to be super busy with classes but whenever there's a free moment I'll be socializing with my friends and enjoying copious amounts of coffee.